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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
DD is 21 months old. I'm due with baby 3 anytime now.<br><br>
I'm pretty darn sure she has weaned herself. I can't remember exactly when her last nursing was, which is sad in a way. (I THOUGHT she was asking tonight and gave her the opportunity, but she changed the subject to "bee-boo" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> which is her way of asking to see my bellybutton so she can 'talk' to the baby.) She hasn't night-nursed in probably a couple months? What's really funny is probably four months ago, that was the ONLY time pretty much she was nursing and I was begging friends for advice on how I was going to nightwean her, as I could imagine tandem nursing, but not at night.<br><br>
However.......I fully expect that in the next three weeks or so, she will not have forgotten about 'boo' for herself, and she will see the baby nursing all the time.<br><br>
So...anyone else had a child who was basically weaned until the new baby came?<br><br>
I've been told by others who've gone the route of allowing the child to nurse again to expect probably another year of nursing.<br>
*I* could probably go with that. DH has been lukewarm toward me even continuing to nurse during the pregnancy. (he never outright said "stop NOW" but he's made comments about her stopping soon...)<br><br>
Or is it more likely that she'll ask but once she knows she *could*, it'll be over and done with?<br><br>
I also *really* do NOT want to night-tandem-nurse. I've got her sleeping pretty well most nights separately and I think this is the best arrangement for the family. She weaned herself to this point, night-nursing is one of the very last things we gave up as I *loved* the ease of it. With ONE child.<br><br>
with two, I am envisioning having TWO awake children if the baby has a tummyache, poops, spits up, etc. Our bed's not really big enough to comfortably sleep four...I am not envisioning it being easy to position everyone to nurse to sleep comfortably.....night nursing was how I slept well with DD, I want the same with the new baby considering I now have *two* older sibs to care for in the day and one does not nap anymore.<br><br>
and is it kind of selfish to say that I enjoyed my bedsharing nursing with DD as "our time" and I wonder what would be this baby's 'time?' I wonder that for the baby as well as myself...I think he needs somehow, a little time that's just for us like the others got.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
OK so nobody has any kind of answer?<br><br>
Maybe I'm not 100% child-led, like I said I'm not even exactly sure where my question belongs.<br><br>
And as has happened a few times in the last few weeks, LOL, the minute I start to think that we've weaned.....the day after I typed this, she asked again to nurse, and we did. She nursed to sleep the other night too.<br><br>
the strange thing is, or maybe this is not strange, I don't know I haven't done this before. the last couple times she has asked to nurse and gone to sleep, she doesn't stay asleep or sleep as well that night. last night I think it was when she nursed to sleep and she ended up joining me in bed around midnightish. The last few nights before that she had slept all night in her own bed.<br>
(not that I think it's "bad" I actually kind of miss her, but I'm also nervous about having both her and a newborn in the bed...so I have started having her share a room with her brother, who is excited about the arrangement. he just turned 4.)<br><br>
my other question that probably did not come out very well, maybe I sounded like I want her to be weaned....<br>
Is this.........anyone else's DH not fully on board with nursing past a certain age? whatever the age may be. and how do you handle that?<br><br>
mine has occasionally commented but pretty much leaves it between us....I think though it is going to be more of an issue if Sophia chooses to nurse with the new baby. Which I am willing to accomodate if that is what she needs. But I already know from other IRL conversations that it's not necessarily an easy path to take either. And if I have to deal with 'Daddy disapproval" on top of whatever other challenges we might have.......how has anyone else dealt with it??<br><br>
part of me just wants to ask him when the last time was he read a book on this or any other parenting subject.... :p<br><br>
anyway even though I might have sounded a little negative originally, I do want to follow her lead.
 

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Do you have the <span style="text-decoration:underline;">Adventures in Tandem Nursing</span> book from the LLL? It's fantastic. It explores all aspects of tandem nursing, including child led weaning, un-weaning, etc.<br><br>
I was prepared to tandem nurse my boys, but about a month before the birth of my younger son my older son gave up his last remaning nursing sessions. He asked to nurse several times in that month before the baby came, but never did. He even asked to nurse when the baby was nursing and would get into position and then back out at the last minute. Here we are 8 months after he weaned and still, vary rarely, he will ask. He doesn't ever actually do it, but I would let him.<br><br>
I think you need to do what feels right for you and your children. If you don't want to nurse two then you can subtly encourage your older child not to nurse. If you do want to nurse them both then continue to offer it to your older child. She may or may not want to. I don't think weaning 21 months is abnormal.<br><br>
Best wishes!
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
what's interesting to watch is I thought she was weaned....no asking for about a week I think it was. (and no situations that prompted me to offer either, she's a hugger and snuggler and usually calms that way fine)<br><br>
then she caught this lovely little virus...same thing my friend's kids had. and this week, with the runny nose, some cough, and today she puked but I don't know how much of that was viral related and how much was over-tired related (she will puke while crying if overtired, has happened enough not to faze me anymore.)<br><br>
anyway she started asking to nurse at least once daily while this has been going on, sometimes more. Only lasts a couple minutes usually.<br>
but it's interesting, like she knows what she is doing, that she needs it or something.<br><br>
the other thing is when my friend's kids had this, none are nursing, one's close to DD's age and she said it was nonstop puking for a day or so after the cold/cough for about a week.<br>
If this is indeed the same thing, DD has coughed a bit in the morning, making me think it was weather related--and ran around fine the rest of the time. and she puked twice in about a 15 min. span today that was it. Then she napped and then she was fine. (which makes me wonder if it was the over-tired thing but normally she won't puke twice...)<br><br>
so she hasn't had it near as bad if it is indeed the same thing. which leads me to think she is getting colostrum and it's doing something for her, and she knows enough to be continuing to nurse. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> even if it is for a max of 5 minutes usually.<br><br>
as far as whether or not we will continue and tandem....well, we shall see, in my mind I see myself following her lead. If she asks but does not seem 'serious' about it, easily distracted, play-nurses a minute, whatever, OK. If it's more of a hassle than anything and she's OK without it, we'll see.<br><br>
if she's obviously upset by not nursing with the baby and NEEDS it, I'm prepared. at least in MY mind. I'm still not sure what I'll say to DH other than asking when the last time was he read about it.<br><br>
Yes I did read the Tandem Nursing book and LOVED it, it makes me hope she DOES want to for a few months anyway. I thought the pics of siblings nursing togther especially right after the birth were beautiful.<br><br>
and then like I've said there is that part of me that doesn't want to do things like tandem at night because I want SOME moments that are me and the baby, partially. And partially because I think nobody will get any sleep and we all would be unhappy. Right now things are going well with DD having nightweaned herself over the past few months and I think it will be best for everyone involved that it stays that way.<br>
She's also adjusting well to leaving our bed over the course of the past couple weeks, she has spent most nights *maybe* joining us to catch another hour or so early in the am.<br><br>
interesting journey, I think it was 4 months ago maybe I was extremely worried about what was going to happen at night because she was still nursing sometimes 3-4 times between falling asleep and getting up for the day....
 

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I want to point out that nighweaning and weaning are different. DS2 has been nightweaned since the age of your DD (or about half is life) and is not completely weaned. I personally would let a previously weaned chilld nurse again, but would not let them nightnurse.<br><br>
Also I totally agree about the virus thing. My entire household had a nasty stomach bug last winter and my still nursing son was by far the least sick.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
oh yeah that is one thing I have made up my mind on is that I'm doing everything I can to keep it so the baby is the only one who is night-nursing, or even for the most part bedsharing. (between my super-nervousness I guess on having both of them in the bed, then I can't see HOW I'd lay and nurse more than one...no, we don't need to go there if we can at all avoid it.)<br><br>
I am a little worried about DH's reaction if she continues to nurse. He says she should be done now. but when he says it he says because it will be a problem for me. I guess maybe if he can see that it's actually EASIER....I don't know. (If It is I am only THINKING It MIGHT be)<br><br>
I guess I just wait and see. It may be that she decides she is not even going to do it LOL
 

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henri was weaned for 7 months-yes 7 months-then when Fleur was about a month old he started nursing again. I think its very likely your LO will nurse again.<br><br>
Your DH has no say in how long you nurse your child. The WHO states children should be breastfed 2 years or more. You might want to start educating him on the health benefits and also the possible repercussions if the child is weaned too soon.
 

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Ds was 3.5 when dd was born, and had been weaned at 13 months (very abruptly due to illness, nowhere near child led). He asked to nurse a couple of times, but when he didn't get anything in a couple of sucks, quickly gave it up (my milk hadn't come in yet). Then, recently (he is now 5), has again been asking to nurse when he sees his 19 month old sister nursing. I have said no now because it is beyond my comfort zone to nurse a 5 year old who has been weaned for 4 years. He still will hold my breasts when we cuddle as a comfort thing, and I have made a point to try and find other ways to foster the closeness he sees between me and dd when she is nursing.<br><br>
But, I wouldn't be surprised if your recently/almost weaned child asks to nurse when she sees the new baby nursing. I think even if they have been weaned long enough they can't remember nursing anymore (like ds), they still instinctively know and see the comfort/bond derived from nursing and want to feel that with mom.<br><br>
As for dh... well, my dh is very good about knowing that it is my body and that I can nurse my babies for as long as they and I are comfortable with it. He puts no expectations or limits on it (and knows they wouldn't do any good anyways <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> ) If he did, I think I would just make a list of all the benefits of nursing and sit down and discuss them with him, and then tell him it is my body and that I will nurse my babies for as long as they/I need to <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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My ds2 self-weaned shortly after his 2nd birthday during my pregnancy with ds3 (milk dried up). When ds3 was born, ds2 asked to nurse, and I always let him. However, in just the 4 months since his weaning, he'd lost his latch and really couldn't nurse/draw milk out. I let him try every time he asked, and soon enough he lost interest. I saw it as a security need, and was more than happy to oblige.<br><br>
My dh was concerned about the toll possible tandem nursing would take on my body, but would have never dreamed of telling me what I should/shouldn't do regarding nursing.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
mine seems to think she will nurse forever and that it might make her more jealous of seeing the baby with "her" boo....<br><br>
I think the opposite and I am seeing it as a security thing at this point<br><br>
we shall see
 
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