Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Dh and I are trying to become more GD with our kids (all boys - 5, 2 1/2, and newborn), and we are having *such* a hard time. It seems we have the mindset of either controlling or permissiveness. We bought AK's book Unconditional Parenting and the dvd, but I'm wondering if he is too big of a paradigm shift for newbies. We are having such a hard time w/our 5yo. He's developed quite an attitude, is extremely demanding, throws wicked tantrums when he doesn't get *his* way, and seems to try to find as many ways as he can to try to control life. I, for the most part, can sit back and try to see it from his perspective - I think he's trying to make sure he still has a say in this family (with the new baby born), still is loved as much as before, and that we have his back. But, we have no idea how to do that, and it seems even though the philosophy in UP resonates with us (well, me more than dh), we have no idea how to implement it or how what fits with it. For instance, do we still instill boundaries? Are there still non-negotiable things? Where does that line between living in harmony and being permissive come to play? I know AK talks about controlling vs. permissiveness being a false dichotomy, but for the life of us, we have no idea how to get past that and find the firm ground of GD. Dh just wants to get strict, enforce boundaries/rules, dole out consequences, and try to regain *control* of our house again. I can totally feel for him, and frankly, there are times it sounds really, really good. But, then I ask him (dh), what will we do in 5 years? What about when ds#1 is 15 years old? I feel like if we regress now, we are going to be in for it when ds hits his teen years and he becomes the *typical* rebellious teen. I so don't want that. I want a family that lives in harmony and peace with one another. A family where everyone feels valued and loved, and feel like what they feel and say matters. But I have *NO* idea how to do that. Is AK a bit on the extreme side for a family that is trying to learn the ropes of GD? I need someone to come live with us for a while and be the GD version of Super Nanny to help!What do we do? Who do we read? This is so foreign to us and yet I don't want to keep on the path we are one (permissive until we can't take it any longer and then the control comes out). Can someone help?