Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 35 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,396 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We've been having the same consistent proiblem for a VERY long time now and I'm fed up. My 9 year old daughter and her clothes.

She likes to change clothes frequently. So far so good. But she doesn't put them back into the wardrobe, instead I get them for washing. If she is to clean her room she also brings me totally clean and laundered and not even tried on clothes to wash because she's too lazy to put them into wardrobe.Giving them me to wash again seems to be easier. If I insist she put them back away properly she throws everything into the wardrobe and whatever folding there was falls apart.

So why do I even fold?

Periodically she will then take the crinkled clothes and try to make me launder them again, since they are crinkled up she thinks they're dirty and won't wear them.

It's been going on for months and I've had enough. I am in my 3rd trimester and sick of pulling out clean clothes out of the laundry basket every friggin day.

If I insist she wear the crinkled or only tried on clothes without washing it's always a big screaming drama. I don't need any drama anymore. I want PEACE.

I warned her several times but nothing changes.

So I was going to put all her clothes into the guest room, take the linen closet out and she will only get those clothes I give her personally.

Good or bad.......or any other workable solution?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,188 Posts
My son is 10 and does this as well. He will put clothing in the hamper in his room if he only wore it for a couple of hours inside the house! It's not even dirty. He has a chair in his room at the desk and I have told him he can lay pants or shirts across that chair if he wants to and then he can wear them later in the day/another day or next time I'm in his room I can put them back in his closet/drawer. He's just not in to putting his own clothes up yet.
I wish he were though. I keep at it hoping one day he'll start doing it all on his own.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
373 Posts
I think that's a wonderful idea. We have had the same problem with our son and we made him do the laundry for a while. It worked for us because he didn't like doing the laundry.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,281 Posts
Why not teach her to launder her own clothes. When I was 8 I started washing all the clothes for my entire family because my parents worked full time. They gave me an allowance for it. I bet if she had to wash, dry, and fold all her own clothes for even 2 weeks she would start putting them back in the drawer. Not to mention the extra energy costs she is adding to your bill.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,678 Posts
Taking all of her clothes away does not sound like a workable solution. Do you really think it will make her reconsider her actions if you are doling out what she is allowed to wear?

I have been known to do the same thing, wear my clothes for a little while and sometimes rewash things to get the wrinkles out.

There are 2 solutions here: teach her how to do the laundry so that she can manage her own clothes.

or

explain that wrinkles will come out easily in the dryer is she puts the clothes in with a well wrung out wash cloth and runs the dryer for about 20 minutes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,159 Posts
That sounds like a lot of work for you. I agree with others who said that she ought to be doing her own laundry. My dd started doing her own laundry at about that age and it worked wonderfully for us. Sure, she ruined a few items by not washing bright colors separately in cold (even though I instructed her numerous times), but she learned. She ought to iron her own stuff, too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,339 Posts
Honestly...

I wouldn't wash her clothes more than one day out of the week. I wouldn't hang her clothes for her or fold them either. She is old enough to take care of it herself, especially if she is refusing to do so out of lazyness b/c she does not want to bother. My mom had laundry day once a week (there were seven kids), if your clothes were in the laundry room they were washed...if not then you were out of luck. We had to get our clothes from the laundry room, fold them and put them away that day.

I would let her know what day you expect her to hang all of her clothes up and have her stay in her room until it's done. Check it when she says she is done, if she just stuffed things in the corner pull them out and have her deal with them. If she completed the task she is free to go about her day as she had planned.

IMO kids know when the parents will just step in and do it for them. If you )general you) continue to do it for our kids, why would they see any need to change. It is much easier for them to complain and refuse to do it because they know you (again general) will step in and do it for them while they go about their day having fun.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,396 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by fek&fuzz
Taking all of her clothes away does not sound like a workable solution. Do you really think it will make her reconsider her actions if you are doling out what she is allowed to wear?

.
No, she can tell me what she wants to wear and that's all she'll get.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,396 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Houdini
Honestly...

I would let her know what day you expect her to hang all of her clothes up and have her stay in her room until it's done. Check it when she says she is done, if she just stuffed things in the corner pull them out and have her deal with them. If she completed the task she is free to go about her day as she had planned.

I'd do that but the shrieking lately is driving me insane. ( now that's a whole different problem) She'sll go on for an hour I am sure!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,339 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by huggerwocky
I'd do that but the shrieking lately is driving me insane. ( now that's a whole different problem) She'sll go on for an hour I am sure!
I am sure it is. It would send me reeling as well I am sure.

Do you think she continues shrieking b/c she knows you will eventually step in and do it for her?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,396 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by rozzie'sma
Why not teach her to launder her own clothes. .
We try to teach her to avoid waste, if she washes as she pleases the washer will be running all the time washing clean clothes being a quarter full, using electricity and water. Or should I just ignore that?

But I'll definately bring it up to her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,339 Posts
Taking all her clothes just sounds like more work for you and she still isn't learning to hang up/care for her own clothes.

Is she not able to go into the room you are moving the clothes to?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,339 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by huggerwocky
We try to teach her to avoid waste, if she washes as she pleases the washer will be running all the time washing clean clothes being a quarter full, using electricity and water. Or should I just ignore that?

But I'll definately bring it up to her.
Set one day for laundry day. Show her how to sort the clothes and give her a limit to the number of loads she can do. If you sort the clothes and there are only four loads, then that's all she gets.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,396 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Houdini
Taking all her clothes just sounds like more work for you and she still isn't learning to hang up/care for her own clothes.

Is she not able to go into the room you are moving the clothes to?
But she knows how to fold the clothes, she won't do it and resort to shrieking or whining or stuffing depending on the day.

I don't actually mind washing them or folding them, it doesn't really add much the work if I'm doing it anyway. But when they NEED to be washed, I'm not the hotel's laundry service.

She could access the room but I could put a lock if I needed to I think.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,159 Posts
Quote:
We try to teach her to avoid waste, if she washes as she pleases the washer will be running all the time washing clean clothes being a quarter full, using electricity and water. Or should I just ignore that?
Going by my experience, yes you are correct. I have tried to reinforce efficiency in laundering to my teen but she just doesn't care/ worry about it. We purchased a very energy- and water-efficient washer and I just intentionally decided to let it go. Teenagers are big wasters of water any way you look at it, 10 minute showers are the norm (again, despite my talking to her about it now and then). My teen once used up all the hot water from a water heater with capacity to serve a family of 5.
: When that happened, I wordlessly put my arm around her and led her downstairs and pointed to the water heater, saying "Do you realize you alone just used all this water that should be enough for the entire family?" and left it at that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,764 Posts
I agree with Houdini. Its what we do here.

Each child does her/his own laundry. They each have their own day. And that day only. They have enough to do one load (including sheets) and thats it. If they have any leftover, they can ask a sibling if they have any extra stuff to throw in to make a full load but that never happens. No one wants to do anyone elses laundry!


Personally, I would make a punishment/consequence for shreiking. But I understand thats not everyones cup of tea.


I just wanted to add that I've let folding go. As long as they wash/dry and put away, I dont care what shape it is when its in the drawer. If they dont like the wrinkles, they learn pretty quickly to fold. So far, my boys dont care.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,339 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by huggerwocky
But she knows how to fold the clothes, she won't do it and resort to shrieking or whining or stuffing depending on the day.

I don't actually mind washing them or folding them, it doesn't really add much the work if I'm doing it anyway. But when they NEED to be washed, I'm not the hotel's laundry service.

She could access the room but I could put a lock if I needed to I think.
It just seems more difficult and drawn out for you to lock the clothes up. Wouldn't she just pester all day about changing her clothes anyway?

I really think it is beneficial for kids to learn how to do these things on their own. If she knows she isn't going to get to do anything else that day until the task is completed, I would think it wouldn't take more than twice for her to get the message that you are serious.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,690 Posts
It sounds to me like making yourself the keeper of the clothing will turn into a huge power struggle.

It's also not really a natural consequence to me either - if you're messy and create extra work, someone more powerful will come along and take your stuff and dole it out to you in single portions?

I second/third/fourth the suggestion about making her responsible for her own laundry if at all possible. You can do this in a positive way: "Hey, I'm really not enjoying all the conflict we seem to have about your clothes, and I've just realized that you're responsible enough these days to be doing your own laundry. I'll do it with you the first time to give you a few tips, but then you're in charge!"

If you're going to do the laundry, you can still (a) have her fold her own clothes if she wants them folded, and (b) only wash things that materialize in the hamper on a certain day of the week.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,396 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Shenjall

Personally, I would make a punishment/consequence for shreiking. But I understand thats not everyones cup of tea.



Any idea more than welcome
:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,396 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Houdini
It just seems more difficult and drawn out for you to lock the clothes up. Wouldn't she just pester all day about changing her clothes anyway?

.
Probably!

So how many loads should she be granted including sheets and duvet cover? Our machine can take a king size comforter.
 
1 - 20 of 35 Posts
Top