So mad!

Freedom~Mama · Dec 1, 2010

I sent Ex this e-mail this morning:
 
"Hey could you please let me know when/if you pay some child support? I could really use that money. Thanks."
 
This is what he sent back:
 
"Liz stop emailing me about this shit, I told you when it would be in, I dont particular like hearing from you as it upsets some people when it comes up etc, also when I text you about something you dont have to call it also causes me problems and is not needed, I told you the day the money would go in, and I really dont need you in my life hounding me about shit I have no control over. So please limit our emails/conversations to the girls and what not, the health and welfare office is taking care of your cs issues. I have a girl friend now for quite some time and the last thing I need is my exwifes calls coming in etc and emails. I SAID QUITE plainly that 300-400 would be sent in when I get my money on the 6th and I promise it will, I dont like feeling like a deadbeat cause im poor and I have to send money to a woman I dont even like to probably be spent on anything but my children and also as stated before I thought you were okay which I am sure you are I thought you got 1000 a month and really didnt need the money at the time as we are litearlly starving here, my dads lost more weight than both of us and ive lost 10lbs in the past 3 weeks eating beans so please stfu and leave me alone. You were pretty blunt with me last time I messaged you with a serious issue that was bothering me and you told me exactly what I wanted to hear. Leave me the fuck alone, stick to the times on the paper and we shouldnt need to contact each other anymore. 
 
This is the last time ill ever respond to you, I promise on the 6th I will send in 300-400 dollars as I already fucking stated. You arent supposed to be contacting me about this anyway, I am talking to health and welfare etc, im talking to the unemployment office. So trust me your spend your money on bullshit money will be put in the system on the 6th. Dont respond to this email, and please stop calling after every text message just respond with a text. I feel like you and im happy that you are doing well, you look like you are doing well but thats besides the point the main thing is stop calling after text messages and stop talking to me about CS as its not your role, me and HW are talking about this as im so far behind. You know as well as I do that I dont have much money now im trying to fix that, so even though I wont be able to probably eat right this month ill make extra fucking sure that your "spending" money gets to you on the 6th 
 
Now leave me the fuck alone."

Halfasianmomma · Dec 1, 2010

Translation:
 
"Whine whine b*tch b*tch, don't bother my new woman, and don't remind me of my financial obligations to my TWO children because then I'll be forced to feel even worse about myself and since I'm a constant victim of the ENTIRE friggin world, and I'm utterly powerless (read: lazy) to change my situation....look how I've supposedly lost weight and I'm eating KD/beans every day, and feel pity for me!
 
LaLALalaLaLALaLLALaLalLA (if I shut my eyes and sing loud enough maybe you'll go away and a money tree will grow right on my front lawn)."
 
/Translation

Freedom~Mama · Dec 1, 2010

Lol thank you for the comedy relief. I needed that. Awesome translation!!

*MamaJen* · Dec 1, 2010

Jesus. I'm going to bronze that email and give it a place of honor in the Abuser's Hall of Fame. I don't even know where to start with it.
I just went and reread page 2 of that personality disorders article (<a href="http://counsellingresource.com/distress/personality-disorders/understanding/pd-relationships-part2.html" target="_blank">http://counsellingresource.com/distress/personality-disorders/understanding/pd-relationships-part2.html</a>) and in this single email I think he literally hits every trait. That's just impressive. Most guys are only able to hit five, maybe six abusive traits in a short email like that, but your ex? Man, what an over-achiever. He's seriously going for the abuser gold star.
This is the moment where you say, "My ex is a worthless sub-human excuse of a personality disorder" and don't let a single thing he said penetrate your consciousness. Then you give a deep and profound moment of thanks that you aren't with this loser any more. Then you do something really nice for yourself, give your girls a cuddle and keep on being the rock star mama that you are. And hopefully, he'll go to jail for non-payment of child support.

*MamaJen* · Dec 1, 2010

Oh, and yeah, that losing ten pounds while eating beans thing was just priceless. I wonder if his dick grew two inches as well?

doubledutch · Dec 1, 2010

UGH! ignore. what a . . . um, yeah.
 
TOWANDA!

~Charlie's~Angel~ · Dec 1, 2010

Halfasianmomma · Dec 1, 2010

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Freedom~Mama <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282825/ex-is-such-a-rude-fu#post_16085013"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-right:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-bottom:0px solid;"></a> Lol thank you for the comedy relief. I needed that. Awesome translation!!
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 Hehe it was my pleasure.
 
And thank you for reminding me that I needed to get on my case worker's butt to find out when CS is going to be deducted from XH's paycheck. MuhaHaHAHaHAHAHAH. Oops. Sorry. That got away from me.

Halfasianmomma · Dec 1, 2010

You can also give him this:
 
It's the world *smallest* violin...and it's playing for him.

Theia · Dec 1, 2010

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by *MamaJen* <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282825/ex-is-such-a-rude-fu#post_16085023"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a> Oh, and yeah, that losing ten pounds while eating beans thing was just priceless. I wonder if his dick grew two inches as well?
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:lol Too funny! 
 
I like the violin idea. Don't let his rant get to you. Just keep giving him enough rope, he'll run off that cliff and hang himself yet.

Mummoth · Dec 2, 2010

This makes me want to email my ex and ask when he's planning on catching up on his arrears. Look at Mr.Grumpy Bear, having a rough day... you really got under his skin!

Sweetflyfishfeel · Dec 2, 2010

It is so amazing that some people can be so self-centered and lazy. I am grateful my STBX is in the Navy and CS will come out of his paycheck. I can see he's already showing this kind of attitude. It's all about what they think we deserve and the fact they can't control us anymore. Hope it doesn't stress you out.

Freedom~Mama · Dec 3, 2010

So yesterday afternoon he sent me a series of texts saying that he was going to call in one hour to talk to the girls. He acted like nothing had even happened and if he hasn't cared about talking to the girls in the past 10 months (he hasn't called a single time) than I am sure he doesn't care now, and he is not going to randomly order me around and tell me times he is going to call. So I ignored his calls and texts. He kept texting me saying I am a huge bitch and am psycho etc. Then today he sent me this e-mail:
 
"Thanks, I wonder who really got hurt from not being able to talk to their father yesterday? Do you enjoy letting your children lose out because your angry? Just something you should think about. I wasnt even mean in my email just forthcoming even said you seem to be doing good looking good etc, but the emails for cs had to stop as I alreay told you whent hey would be coming. Also, that you didnt have to call everytime after a text, that a returned text was easier yeah I was a bit mad but hey no reason not to keep your childrens father from talking to them they may have enjoyed that, they may have needed that, but im sure youve became Ms. Mensuck or something thats fine, but your children still like to talk to their dad regardless of what YOU think of him."

Freedom~Mama · Dec 3, 2010

So...I sent him this e-mail tonight:
 
"I will see you at 10am on Sunday and will be sending you an updated schedule asap so that we do not have to talk again. I do not expect to receive any more texts, e-mails or phone calls from you. The harassment is going to stop now. I have moved on with my life and I suggest you do the same. I will not contact you any more and will deal directly with Health and Welfare."
 
And this is what he sent back:
 
"You know what Liz, im not going to take this, I didnt want ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU, in fact I havnt wanted anything to do with you since the day you left which you and I both know I conveyed many times. You are just being mean because you have contorl of the kids. Well I dont want to do deal with this anymore so keep the kids, forget the schedule and enjoy your life because im not going to put myself through this. DOnt make a new schedule, we already had one made up and im just sick and tired of dealing with a psycho. 
 
Keep the kids to yourself, I wont be there on sunday, and I wont be there the weekend after that. You have made it to emotionally taxing to keep communications with my children and ive had enough. I have to walk away at this point to keep my emotional state in check, by the way the call tonight wasnt even me my mom accidently hit your name whilst calling michele. Harassment is you emailing me about child support etc, not me calling to talk to my kids and getting made because you are a nazi when it comes to communicating with them. 
 
So peace dont bother me again, dont send me a schedule, ill start a new family if I so choose but its to hard to deal with you on this anymore. I still dont get where you get this whole I suggest you do the same crap, ive dated after you, had a real relationship after you, and truly dont even want anything ever to do with you again so are you delusional or something? Me calling to talk to the girls has nothing to do with, i can hardly stand you to be quite honest. 
 
Have a nice life and dont ever contact me again about schedules or anything, I love my kids but this is to much to deal with at this point. 
 
YOU CAN HAVE THEM ALL TO YOURSELF WE BOTH KNOW THATS WHAT YOU WANT ANYWAY"
 
 
-- I don't want to get overly excited, but how should I proceed? Does anyone know if I can have papers drawn up for him to sign that will have him relinquish his parental rights and visitation? I am thinking maybe if his owed back child support is waived and further monetary support is terminated if he might just sign??? I have no idea where to start.

Sweetflyfishfeel · Dec 3, 2010

O.M.G. That is so...crappy, and yet so awesome. He is picking a fight w/you so he can get his way in anger. He just wants a complete release from responsibility to his kids which he can now blame on you. Wow. Hope you get some good advice. I wanna say go for the jugular, but I'm new to this arena. It's good you didn't get the kids to talk to him, because it sounds like he's a real disappointment all the time and just wants to be mad at you. If he really cared about them, he'd walk through fire to get to them.
 
My STBX is really starting to get the hang of this method. Good luck!!

Freedom~Mama · Dec 3, 2010

<div class="postcolor" id="user_post-183305">Sooo I called Health and Welfare and was told that in Idaho even if a Father voluntarily agrees to give away his rights and even if I agreed to waive all currently owed child support, a judge would have to approve it and unless there was a man that was willing to step in and adopt them the judge would deny it because a shitty Father that is abusive is better than no father...in the eyes of the judge. Ugh. So basically all I can do right now is hope that Paul keeps to his word and just goes out of our lives and then someday when I get married again would have to do all the paperwork to get his rights legally taken away. It is frustrating because I feel like at any time he could demand to see the girls, mess with me, mess with them and that there is nothing I can do about it. I am getting organized though with printing out all his e-mails and starting a detailed file of everything that has gone on. That is about the most I can do right now.

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momof4peppers · Dec 3, 2010

Start a file. Document every email or text you've ever sent and his reply. DON'T contact him again. He has the ability to call/visit/whatever according to your current schedule. If he doesn't, well, you document it. Not with a text or email to him (are you coming? are you calling? the girls really miss you...) just note on your calendar that he was supposed to call/visit and didn't. Pretty soon he'll show that he's not interested in the kids, and with YOU not contacting HIM, he has no reason to be nasty back. Because as you've noted, the courts don't care if he's a crappy dad unless there's someone else willing to adopt them. But if you DO end up back in court (because it sounds like HE will drag YOU back there) then you can neatly show the judge why X is crazy and doesn't want the time he already has. Don't feed into his drama. Plan your life to not have ANY support from him. That way, if it DOES come, yay! but you're not dependent on him.
 
All this is easy for me to say - I"m not walking in your shoes. :hug I'm just recognizing that for my OWN healing, focusing on me and my kids (I hope) will allow me to heal faster than if I continue to participate in the drama.

DeerMother · Dec 3, 2010

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Freedom~Mama <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282825/ex-is-such-a-rude-fu#post_16090368"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a> <div class="postcolor" id="user_post-183305">Sooo I called Health and Welfare and was told that in Idaho even if a Father voluntarily agrees to give away his rights and even if I agreed to waive all currently owed child support, a judge would have to approve it and unless there was a man that was willing to step in and adopt them the judge would deny it because a shitty Father that is abusive is better than no father...in the eyes of the judge. Ugh. So basically all I can do right now is hope that Paul keeps to his word and just goes out of our lives and then someday when I get married again would have to do all the paperwork to get his rights legally taken away. It is frustrating because I feel like at any time he could demand to see the girls, mess with me, mess with them and that there is nothing I can do about it. I am getting organized though with printing out all his e-mails and starting a detailed file of everything that has gone on. That is about the most I can do right now.

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 Oh.... lighting a candle that he falls off the face of the earth tonight. Those were some real gems, though I'd appreciate it if he would learn how to use punctuation, especially a period.
 

Somehow it helps me to consider every thing out of x's mouth to be a lie. For some reason, I don't take as much of it in as when I'm believing that something he says is true. You know you're a good mama, fighting to stay afloat. Remember all the wonderful things you've accomplished since you left? Knitting an afghan, making a beautiful home for your dds, regular walks, school, interning - you are blossoming.
<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by *MamaJen* <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282825/ex-is-such-a-rude-fu#post_16085023"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a> Oh, and yeah, that losing ten pounds while eating beans thing was just priceless. I wonder if his dick grew two inches as well?
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 <img alt="twins.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/twins.gif" style="width:35px;height:15px;"> That statement is the biggest hit at my support group as well.

Theia · Dec 4, 2010

I just wanted to say that every time that I've tried to get my DD's fathers rights terminated due to abandonment (he's not seen her in 2 years and hasn't talked to her or paid any sort of support in 18mos) that I'm told that only the state can terminate a parents rights and that is usually done in DHS cases like dangerous abuse/neglect. I'm not about to let DHS into my life when it would likely get me nothing since DD is safe and healthy despite her fathers lack of involvement. My CS case is even on hold "for good cause", and the state isn't pursuing him for CS for DD AND we aren't on FS or any other state funded services. Even that doesn't get him off the hook. I don't know where he is living or anything and the lawyer still told me that in my state (OR) that she wouldn't be able to terminate his rights! <img alt="irked.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/irked.gif"> Seriously. I get that the laws that prevent parents from easily terminating the rights of another parent were likely put into place because there were people abusing the system for selfish reasons. But when a father shows such serious disinterest over a long period of time, shouldn't the parent who is there 24x7x365 have some say?!
 
I'm sorry this turned into a rant. This is just a trigger point for me right now. In the mean time, just document any contact from him, and go on with your life with the girls. In many ways I am grateful that DD's father is absent. It makes it much easier on me (and her in someways I'm sure) but still, there is a sense of loss that I feel for her. And despite all of your ex's shortcomings, there is still something of themselves that they are losing out on through his decision to remove himself from their lives. Just do the best you can and trust that it will all work out as it should. <img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif">

zoeyzoo · Dec 6, 2010

I understand how stressful this feels. My XH is doing similar tactics with me right now over the financial agreement of our divorce. <img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif" style="width:38px;height:16px;">

So mad!

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