So many conflicting ideals!

775 Views 9 Replies 6 Participants Last post by hummingbear, Apr 9, 2006

gabysmom617

Discussion Starter · Apr 5, 2006

Does anyone else have families that have conflicting ideals that seem to conflict RIC, yet they still support it?

I have been thinking about it recently. I will always have my dad's words ringing in my ears the day he found out I would not be circumcising my little man. "He will hate you for the rest of your life for that.", he says, as resolutely and solemnly as a decreed Bible prophecy. It hurt me very badly when he said this.

Then it dawned on me: This is the same man who would not neuter his cat! He had an old tomcat that ran around the house, and the thing had lots of issues that nuetering would solve, including rambling, fighting and spraying in the house (not to mention the almighty problem of it running around causing the birth of more kittens to flood the animal shelters) and yet this man would NOT take this cat to get it nuetered! I asked him why one day (this was before I had got pregnant) and he goes, "Well, I don't want to do it, I just want let him roam and do what he was meant to do." Yet why would he want me to go chopping up on my child?????

And also, my MIL!
She was trying to get me to have a home birth. She had 2 of her children (including DH) at home with a midwife (--which was why my DH was not circumcised until he was 11 years old.) She breastfed most of them into older toddlerhood. She strongly advocates all that is natural about child rearing and childbirth. It would seem that such a person would be against RIC.

But no! She was trying to convince me to have my dear child cut at birth, because "she wishes she had gotten DH done earlier"> because when he peed it would "swell all the way up". And he needed done in time for middle school anyway.

Neither my dad or my MIL wants to bother listening to facts. Their views on circumcision are so contradicting to their everyday ideals.

This country sure does have our society brainwashed.

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Eman'smom

· #2 · Apr 5, 2006

I agree that we are very brainwashed.

My darely (dripping with sacrasm) sister circ'd her son but when she called about teething advice I suggested Tylenol (after many natural remedies that she shot down) she got horrified "I've never given him drugs and don't want to start now". So she will cut off part of his penis, but she won't give him some pain relief.......

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splash

· #3 · Apr 5, 2006

I worked with a woman once who considered herself sooooo AP/NFL. Well, let's not get into the CIO and the formula feeding and the medication for everything... anyway...
She was so concerned about any little bump or scratch he might get... wouldn't even have his tongue tie clipped (he was SEVERELY tongue tied) because she didn't want to hurt him and it should be his choice when he was older.
But you know he was circumcised. And when I tried to bring it up to her, she said that circumcision HAS to be done, and it's gross not to do it, and he will thank her later. Whatever.

Some people are just idiots, plain and simple.

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NowOrNever

· #4 · Apr 6, 2006

Oh, yes! When I had my first homebirth, which was my first ds, my mom's first thing was, 'how are you going to circ him?!' Um, I'm not! She dropped it and never said anything else. She knows me too well. Arguing with me won't do a thing!

Now, my inlaws, on the other hand, FREAKED. They called my dh every single day for weeks. They said they would pay for it, how unhealthy it was, how he would just have to do it later, how much it would hurt later in life, how many people they knew ended up having to have a circ later, blah blah blah! Finally, my dh told them we weren't doing it, end of story! With ds #2, they didn't even ask. LOL

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hummingbear

· #5 · Apr 6, 2006

gabysmom617, have you had an urge to ask MIL questions about why your DH was circ'd at ll. Chances are he fell prey to uninformed doctors and ill-informed advise as to cleanliness. If your MIL knew that maybe her stance would change.

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gabysmom617

Discussion Starter · #6 · Apr 6, 2006

Thanks but you just don't know my MIL. She has mental problems. Seriously. I think she has ODD. If you try to tell her that the sky is blue, she will argue with you. If you try to tell her that the sun rises in the east, she will argue with you.

I tried to tell her exactly why I was not going to have ds circ'ed, she did not want to hear anything of it. She doesn't want to face the possibility that she has ever made any mistakes with her children, even in little errors. So it would be a great leap for her to admit that she had part of her son(s) genitals removed for absolutely no reason. She has a very long way before she can come to that point, kwim?

DH's DAD on the other hand (they are not together anymore, they were together when dh got cut, he is the one who took him) understands now. DH explained to him that they now know that it is best not to do it, and so forth, and now they know better that for care the foreskin should be left alone, and how this prevents a lot of infections, etc, and my FIL was very supportive after explaining all these things to him.

Also, my FIL told DH that the reason why they took him to get cut was because they just thought it was supposed to be done. This makes me think that my MIL was lying about all the "problems" dh was supposedly having before he was cut. DH said he does not remember any of the problems before getting circumsised. He said he remembers saying "goodbye" to his foreskin. (that part almost makes me cry every time I think about it. <sad face inserted here>) Why would he do that if was causing him so many detrimental excruciating problems?

I think that my MIL is a very vindictive woman, and has been known to lie to get what she wants anyway. She tries to push her ways of raising her children on me and my son anyway, and has lied to do it regarding other things, so I have reason to believe she was lying to me about the reasons why dh was cut to scare me into doing it to ds.

sorry this has turned into a rant. I hate that woman so bad. I don't think I could ever get through to her once her mind is set on something.

I do however, feel that I may be able to get through to my dad. I just have to figure out a way to bring up this info about circ to him, I have a hard time talking to my dad about these things. I'm thinking about sending him an email.

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MommytoB

· #7 · Apr 7, 2006

My uncle wishes that he wasn't cut because he felt something of his was taken away but he says its cleaner. My grandpa circ as an adult is for ric because of the no pain belief but against it afterwards. my mom says parents choice are parent choice don't care one way or another

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hummingbear

· #8 · Apr 7, 2006

so sad for your DH

Quote:

Originally Posted by gabysmom617
She was trying to convince me to have my dear child cut at birth, because "she wishes she had gotten DH done earlier"> because when he peed it would "swell all the way up".

Sounds like ballooning doesn't it?

Sorry MIL spends so much energy trying to sell you the idea of RIC. Any chance she would agree to keep quiet since it is obvious that neither of you will sway the other?

Good Luck with your Dad.

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gabysmom617

Discussion Starter · #9 · Apr 7, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by hummingbear

Sounds like ballooning doesn't it?

Sorry MIL spends so much energy trying to sell you the idea of RIC. Any chance she would agree to keep quiet since it is obvious that neither of you will sway the other?

Yes I think it was balooning that dh was going through, as his foreskin was starting to separate. I think my MIL was embellishing on that and making it sound as if it was the most painful excruciating thing in the world. My husband says it was really no big deal, just messy. He says he doesn't remember any excruciating before his circumcision, just afterwards.

So far recently she has kept quiet on it, (but not on other things, such as putting hard shoes on ds, and letting him cry-it-out, etc) if it's not one thing she wants to argue with me about, it's something else.

But yes, perhaps I could convince my dad. Not sure how, but I do plan on bringing it up somehow.

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hummingbear

· #10 · Apr 9, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by gabysmom617
So far recently she has kept quiet on it, (but not on other things, such as putting hard shoes on ds,

There is a great article by podiatrists which advocates leaving childern barefoot as often as possible. I'll see if I can find it.

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