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My aunt called me just a bit ago to tell me my cousin had her baby <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/luxlove.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="throb"> I asked how labor went (36 hours, ended in csection) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blahblah.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blah blah"> hows the baby, wonderful, 8lbs 12oz, 22 in long. How is Cousin doing? Tired. Yeah I'll bet. Has she tried nursing yet? "Oh, no...she's much too tired and the baby is WAY to big! No way she could breastfeed." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: Oh, well there is still time, she can try once she gets some rest. then Auntie says to me "Now, Renae, I understand YOU are breastfeeding James still, but it's not for everyone! Cousins husband missed out on feeding his first daughter a bottle because his wife was selfish and only wanted to breastfeed. Cousin isn't going to be like that. Husband is feeding his son a bottle right now. Quite frankly, I'm surprised that you could be so selfish and not let Josh feed his son!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"> then she had to go call other people<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"> I tried SOOO hard! I sent her the 101 Reasons To Breastfeed, I sent her "So Thats What They're There For!" I emailed her the LLL meetings in her area (she lives in Tennesse, I'm in Iowa) I tried SOOO hard to get her to breastfeed. I failed... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
you did enough.<br>
poor baby and i'm sorry you had those comments thrown at you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> You did everything you could! So sorry that you got all those stupid comments from your aunt who obviously does not 'get it' and is probably less than supportive about Bfing to your cousin anyway. I know how sad it is when you try so hard like that and they just ignore your info.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>JamesMama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">"Now, Renae, I understand YOU are breastfeeding James still, but it's not for everyone! Cousins husband missed out on feeding his first daughter a bottle because his wife was selfish and only wanted to breastfeed. Cousin isn't going to be like that. Husband is feeding his son a bottle right now. Quite frankly, I'm surprised that you could be so selfish and not let Josh feed his son!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"></div>
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Stupidity makes my head hurt. My head is KILLING me right now.<br><br>
ETA: And how SELFISH to want to give your baby the VERY BEST START in life. Sorry, just too dumbfounded to think straight. I'm sure I'll be back with more.
 

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Sound to me like aunt bottle fed and feels terribly guilty about it. Otherwise she wouldn't be calling you names.<br>
I'm sorry.
 

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When I went to get my morning tea, I saw this on a magnet:<br><br>
Oh, I'm so sorry. I forgot you're an idiot.<br><br>
I'm not calling your aunt an idiot. I'll leave that for you.<br><br>
But you did what you could, and your cousin should be glad that someone cares about her to help her with something as important as feeding a baby. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Some people are idiots and sometimes we forget.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks. I am just so upset that I did all that work and she still didn't bf...she said she was going to 'try' when I saw her in February (she was like 5 seconds pg) my other cousin had a baby 4 months ago and she's bf'ing (I sent her books, not so much advocacy with her because when I asked her about nursing she said "Oh, yeah, I'm going to breastfeed.") *sigh* Thanks for the hugs.
 

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You didn't fail Renae. You provided information and support to your cousin. She chose not to take it.<br><br>
I know how much this must hurt you though. It is hard to move on (I should know <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">). I choose to focus on the people who ask for help now because I just don't have the emotional strengh for other cases. I feel so sad for your cousin and her baby, and hope for the best.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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YOU did not fail. You gave her lots of information and she chose to disregard it, for whatever reasons she has.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>JamesMama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Cousins husband missed out on feeding his first daughter a bottle because his wife was selfish and only wanted to breastfeed.</div>
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Ooooh, selfish, selfish mama to put the baby's nutrition and bonding with mom over the father's *need* to stick a bottle in her mouth. What's wrong with dad that he can't bond in more creative ways than bottlefeeding? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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Well, how SELFISH of Dad to compromise baby's nutrition to be able to bottle feed!! Doesn't he know how to change diapers??
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hammer.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hammer"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"> that is all i can say no no ihave more to big to feed my ds was 10p 2oz he fed like a champ the second after his 1st breath so sorry you had to have such---remarks<br><br>
some people
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>rmzbm</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Well, how SELFISH of Dad to compromise baby's nutrition to be able to bottle feed!! Doesn't he know how to change diapers??</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
My DH <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> would tell everyone "She takes care of the top, I take care of the bottom!!!!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> He was a huge help though. He would spend many a night walking around holding our son whenever he got fussy. DS would then fall asleep in his arms...it was the cutest thing <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/luxlove.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="throb"> .
 

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Nae - <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
I'm sorry you were talked to like that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"> I know how frustrating it is to try your hardest to steer someone in the right direction and be ignored.<br>
How terrible of your aunt to try to make you feel bad. Someone certainly failed in this situation, but it wasn't YOU!<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s<br>
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Try not to beat yourself up about it, you did what you could. In the end, it's their decision, albiet a lousey one.
 

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Don't think of it as failing. You provided her with lots of great resources! If there's anything we all know, it's that there are many different parenting styles, and we all have a choice. She made her choice. Now that she's made that choice, it's time to support her, she'll need it!
 

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I agree that you gave her some GREAT resources!<br>
She may very well nurse anyway....just because she's not done it right away doesn't necessarily mean that she won't at all.<br><br>
I think that if she has even an inkling to want to breastfeed she can just pick up one of the books you gave her and she'll have tons of awesome info right at her fingertips <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
If she decides not to, well, you definitely did the best you could. I think you did great <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br>
The baby is just born and the family's already feeling so guilty about not bfing that they're criticising you? Nice. I feel sorry for your cousin though, sounds like the *only* help she'll get with the baby is her husband doing some feeding.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>JamesMama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Cousins husband missed out on feeding his first daughter a bottle because his wife was selfish and only wanted to breastfeed. Cousin isn't going to be like that. Husband is feeding his son a bottle right now. Quite frankly, I'm surprised that you could be so selfish and not let Josh feed his son!"</div>
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Whenever I hear this sort of thing, I get an image of dh sitting behind me on the couch, holding my breast like a bottle and guiding it to/holding it at ds's mouth. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Sounds like quite the bonding experience, doesn't it?
 

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Poor kid to have such a selfish git for a father.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Can he not play with his child? Can he not bathe his child? Can he not hold, bounce, and walk his child??????
 

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Freud had it wrong when he talked about penis envy in women.<br><br>
What I see most often in my time online discussing breastfeeding is Breast Envy, as clearly demonstrated by this family. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Freud had it exactly backwards. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 
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