I don't think you are being unreasonable for saying that you will only give one gift and will choose what you will give. Personally, I wouldn't give a breastfeeding book to someone who insists they will be formula feeding, but I would give Sears' The Baby Book because it is about total baby care, not just feeding.
So my IL's are mad at me, am I being unreasonable?
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My AIL is having a baby, she has already decided to FF from day one because she's 'not comfortable'
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Whatever....
ANYWAY, my other AIL calls today and says they are starting to plan her baby shower (she's due in August) and says they are all going to put $$ on a Wal-Mart card for her, do I want to give some $$.
Here is the rest of the conversation-
Me- "Oh, I don't know. I think I'll just get her something from DH and I since UIL and DH are so close." (DH and UIL were raised like brothers, DH was adopted by his grandparents)
AIL- "Yeah, we're all getting her gifts to, but this gift card is so she can buy diapers and FORMULA once the baby is born."
Me- "Ummm, I don't think we can afford to do both."
AIL- "Well just contribute to the card then, she needs the money for FORMULA more than clothes. *hahah*"
Me- "Ummm...I think I'll just get her a present from DH and I."
AIL- "So you're not going to give in on the gift card?"
Me- "Probably not."
AIL- "Well, this is supposed to be from all of us, can't you just give $5?"
Me- "I'd rather not, I'd rather just give her a present and leave it at that."
AIL- "Well, then we won't put your name on the card."
Me- "Thats fine."
*click*
Grrr, I CANNOT in good concience give to a card like that, not that she's going to spend on formula. Just...ick...I'll support her as a mother, but I WILL NOT financially support her making what I feel is a BAD decision. Am I being unreasonable? Should I just give $5 to the stupid gift card and keep my mouth shut, or buy her an outfit and a copy of "So That's What They're For"?
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ANYWAY, my other AIL calls today and says they are starting to plan her baby shower (she's due in August) and says they are all going to put $$ on a Wal-Mart card for her, do I want to give some $$.
Here is the rest of the conversation-
Me- "Oh, I don't know. I think I'll just get her something from DH and I since UIL and DH are so close." (DH and UIL were raised like brothers, DH was adopted by his grandparents)
AIL- "Yeah, we're all getting her gifts to, but this gift card is so she can buy diapers and FORMULA once the baby is born."
Me- "Ummm, I don't think we can afford to do both."
AIL- "Well just contribute to the card then, she needs the money for FORMULA more than clothes. *hahah*"
Me- "Ummm...I think I'll just get her a present from DH and I."
AIL- "So you're not going to give in on the gift card?"
Me- "Probably not."
AIL- "Well, this is supposed to be from all of us, can't you just give $5?"
Me- "I'd rather not, I'd rather just give her a present and leave it at that."
AIL- "Well, then we won't put your name on the card."
Me- "Thats fine."
*click*
Grrr, I CANNOT in good concience give to a card like that, not that she's going to spend on formula. Just...ick...I'll support her as a mother, but I WILL NOT financially support her making what I feel is a BAD decision. Am I being unreasonable? Should I just give $5 to the stupid gift card and keep my mouth shut, or buy her an outfit and a copy of "So That's What They're For"?
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I think your ILs were unreasonable and pushy. They asked if you wanted to contribute and you said no. That should have been the end of it.
I don't think I could in good conscience give money to someone just for the purpose of buying unnecessary formula. But, I have a no-Walmart policy
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, so that would be the definite dealbreaker for me.
I don't think I could in good conscience give money to someone just for the purpose of buying unnecessary formula. But, I have a no-Walmart policy
Sounds like you were trying to avoid a major confrontation as much as possible. I definitely would not give in to the card, not only because of formula feeding, but also because it's to WalMart. Maybe you could get her a nursing pillow, such as a boppy, which is also good for bottle feeding and tummy time. I personally like my Leach nursing pillow more than a boppy because it fits my not so small tummy. Good luck!
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Originally Posted by Lil'M I don't think you are being unreasonable for saying that you will only give one gift and will choose what you will give. Personally, I wouldn't give a breastfeeding book to someone who insists they will be formula feeding, but I would give Sears' The Baby Book because it is about total baby care, not just feeding. |
Thanks mamas. I was SOOO tempted to go off on a big tangent, but I was good.
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I think you handled it well. I would have bowed out strictly on the fact that the gift card was from WalMart and I refuse to support that company. I think the idea about giving the Baby Book is a good one. People come around about things and she might learn a lot from that book and maybe have a change of heart...I try not to be mad at individuals for not bf'ing b/c I think it's a cultural illness, this formula nonsense.
But definitely, I don't think you were unreasonable.
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Beth
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But definitely, I don't think you were unreasonable.
Beth
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Bolding mine.
Right on! I can tell I'm going to fit in here just fine. You ladies sure have a wonderful way with words. Plus I don't do Walmart either.
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Originally Posted by Gabe_n_Pippas_Mum I think you handled it well. I would have bowed out strictly on the fact that the gift card was from WalMart and I refuse to support that company. I think the idea about giving the Baby Book is a good one. People come around about things and she might learn a lot from that book and maybe have a change of heart...I try not to be mad at individuals for not bf'ing b/c I think it's a cultural illness, this formula nonsense. But definitely, I don't think you were unreasonable.
Beth
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Right on! I can tell I'm going to fit in here just fine. You ladies sure have a wonderful way with words. Plus I don't do Walmart either.
I think you should go with the SECOND option you suggested. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Why would someone push you to do something that is contrary to your convictions? They really should be more respectful of your boundaries. I think you are doing a WONDERFUL job sticking by your beliefs, but I think you definitely need to make it clear WHY you're doing it as a way to inform and educate (more to those who are criticizing you than to the mother-to-be because it sounds like they are all pretty ignorant!). I think the book idea is great, too! Who knows, you may convert her yet! hahahaha
Don't doubt yourself. You are a BFing mama... so not everyone chooses the best nourishment for their children, that doesn't mean you need to support their ignorant and foolish choices (when made as arbitrarily as you have described)!!!! There really ARE good reasons to use formula... but not the one she's chosen... and why should you have to support that... uh, YOU DON'T!!!!
good for stickin to your guns, girl!!!
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Don't doubt yourself. You are a BFing mama... so not everyone chooses the best nourishment for their children, that doesn't mean you need to support their ignorant and foolish choices (when made as arbitrarily as you have described)!!!! There really ARE good reasons to use formula... but not the one she's chosen... and why should you have to support that... uh, YOU DON'T!!!!
good for stickin to your guns, girl!!!
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What she said! Your AIL needs to learn that when someone says no, they actually do mean no.
Originally Posted by momma2emerson I think your ILs were unreasonable and pushy. They asked if you wanted to contribute and you said no. That should have been the end of it. I don't think I could in good conscience give money to someone just for the purpose of buying unnecessary formula. But, I have a no-Walmart policy
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While it is fine to suggest a gift, or to invite someone to participate in a group gift, it is the height of rudeness to Demand a particular gift or demand partipation.
However, I think getting So That's What They're For would be as inflamatory as the AIL's obvious baiting of you regarding the formula "need". If it's that costly... oh never mind...
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I'm glad a better book *for That family* was suggested.
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I think your giving the Sear's book sounds like a lovely idea.
However, I think getting So That's What They're For would be as inflamatory as the AIL's obvious baiting of you regarding the formula "need". If it's that costly... oh never mind...
I think your giving the Sear's book sounds like a lovely idea.
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