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I am beside myself with the grief of it all. I can't stop crying. I didn't think it was going to be so hard.
I am 5 weeks pregnant and on Thursday I ran a super high fever and started antibiotics for a kidney infection, but I could still nurse. Then, Friday night I was admitted to hospital and given a potent antibiotic intravenously (bc I am pregnant) that wasn't safe to nurse. I came home today, but I still can't nurse him and won't be able to for days. DH (especially DH) and I have decided this is it.
It was so hard on ds and dh while I was in the hospital this weekend. DS had never fallen asleep without nursing except naptime at daycare. He has always woken about three times throughout the night to nurse. Dh and ds got very little sleep. So,needless to say, DH was helpless and really wants to take advantage of this forced nursing break to end our nursing relationship. I was planning to start weaning him after christmas anyways, so I suppose we might as well take advantage of this situation.
We've told him that he can't have mama's milk because I'm taking medicine that makes my milk bad and it would make him very sick.
But tonight at bedtime I thought I would die. At first before we turned out the light he asked if he could just see my breast, then he asked if he could touch it. I let him. He seemed ok. But then.... ds sobbed about how he wanted milk. He even tried to bite through my shirts where my nipple is. It was soooooo soooooo sad! I just wanted to give him milk! I felt like I was betraying him, like I was breaking the bond we'd built over the past three years. he wouldn't let me cuddle or sing or rub his back. He just sat there and screamed and sobbed.
Finally, he asked me to carry him. So I picked him up and carried him in my arms whispering that I love him more than ever and that I'll always be here until he was asleep. Then I lied down with him and snuggled for a while.
I came downstairs afterwards crying and dh was so insensitive. He told me to get a grip and that I was way over-reacting. "he's gotta learn to deal with it," dh said. I tried to explain that wasn't the point, that the point was that a relationship that ds and I had shared so intimately for three years had suddenly ended and it made me very sad. He just didn't get it and stormed off, annoyed.
So, I decided to post here, because if anyone is going to understand my sadness, I know you will.
I think I also need some reassurance that this cold turkey weaning isn't going to damage the trust and confidence nursing has built in him. OR is it? Is this going to damage our relationship (ds and I)?
Can you offer advice on how to make this a smoother transition for us both.
I just always thought it would be a gradual for us and it would be something that just happened almost seemlessly. I just wish I had know it would was going to be the last time on Friday night. I would have stayed longer and made sure I remembered every feeling and every way he touched me. It's hard coping with this harsh reality.
Nursing has been truly a beautiful experience for both of us and I miss every second of it.
Take good care,
lilgreen
I am 5 weeks pregnant and on Thursday I ran a super high fever and started antibiotics for a kidney infection, but I could still nurse. Then, Friday night I was admitted to hospital and given a potent antibiotic intravenously (bc I am pregnant) that wasn't safe to nurse. I came home today, but I still can't nurse him and won't be able to for days. DH (especially DH) and I have decided this is it.
It was so hard on ds and dh while I was in the hospital this weekend. DS had never fallen asleep without nursing except naptime at daycare. He has always woken about three times throughout the night to nurse. Dh and ds got very little sleep. So,needless to say, DH was helpless and really wants to take advantage of this forced nursing break to end our nursing relationship. I was planning to start weaning him after christmas anyways, so I suppose we might as well take advantage of this situation.
We've told him that he can't have mama's milk because I'm taking medicine that makes my milk bad and it would make him very sick.
But tonight at bedtime I thought I would die. At first before we turned out the light he asked if he could just see my breast, then he asked if he could touch it. I let him. He seemed ok. But then.... ds sobbed about how he wanted milk. He even tried to bite through my shirts where my nipple is. It was soooooo soooooo sad! I just wanted to give him milk! I felt like I was betraying him, like I was breaking the bond we'd built over the past three years. he wouldn't let me cuddle or sing or rub his back. He just sat there and screamed and sobbed.
Finally, he asked me to carry him. So I picked him up and carried him in my arms whispering that I love him more than ever and that I'll always be here until he was asleep. Then I lied down with him and snuggled for a while.
I came downstairs afterwards crying and dh was so insensitive. He told me to get a grip and that I was way over-reacting. "he's gotta learn to deal with it," dh said. I tried to explain that wasn't the point, that the point was that a relationship that ds and I had shared so intimately for three years had suddenly ended and it made me very sad. He just didn't get it and stormed off, annoyed.
So, I decided to post here, because if anyone is going to understand my sadness, I know you will.
I think I also need some reassurance that this cold turkey weaning isn't going to damage the trust and confidence nursing has built in him. OR is it? Is this going to damage our relationship (ds and I)?
Can you offer advice on how to make this a smoother transition for us both.
I just always thought it would be a gradual for us and it would be something that just happened almost seemlessly. I just wish I had know it would was going to be the last time on Friday night. I would have stayed longer and made sure I remembered every feeling and every way he touched me. It's hard coping with this harsh reality.
Nursing has been truly a beautiful experience for both of us and I miss every second of it.
Take good care,
lilgreen