[Maine Mama Doula]

My DS is the middle child. He has an older sister, DD1, who will be 3 in May. He has a younger sister, DD2, who is only 12 weeks. DS is 20 months. He cries all.the.time. DH and I are going crazy. It's bad enough that DD2 has reflux and is high-needs, but now my high-needs DS has kicked it up a notch.

He cries when he wakes up. He cries when you don't understand him. He cries if you're not holding him all.the.time and just interacting with him and only him and understanding him and doing what he wants to do. I am so tired of it. He breaks down at dinner time and it is a mess. The only thing that gets him to quiet down is th TV and I HATE that!

He's waking up at night. He's doesn't want to go to bed. He's miserable during the day. I know all of the reasons, but it doesn't help me cope. I'm sure he probably has teeth coming in, he's having a hard time adjusting to the new one, and he just generally has a hard time communicating, but come on!

The crying is all out, loud, with snot everywhere. It's a mess. We are so sick of it. I just need support and maybe some suggestions for coping PLEASE.

 

[Maine Mama Doula]

I'm sure there's others out there with similar experiences? No?

 

[The4OfUs]

I didn't want to read and not post, but I don't have a lot of suggestions for you. I imagine had I had another child when DD was around 20 months, I would be facing the same thing. All I have ot offer, unfortuantely, is hugs. Hopefully someone else with experience will be able to post some solutions for you. I know that it would be driving me batty as it is driving you.

:

 

[babsbob]

I say go with the TV! Whatever works right? When my DD was getting her two year molars around 20 months I carried her around a lot in my Mei Tai but that might be hard to do with a new baby! Do you have a baby swing for the baby? Then you could carry the middle one more?
I know it is so frustrating but you need to do what you can to save your sanity. You can always wean him off the TV later when you have more energy.
And just give him lots of love when you can and take care of yourself.

 

[yukookoo]

im no help, i only have one but she is getting her molars and has been the same since about 20 months. She is so whinny. I assume youre not nursing the 20mo? My dd is still nursing and since 20 month teething has started she is like a newborn. I cant even go anywhere with her we get in the car drive 10 min and wheni go get her out she asks to nurse! Then again in the store and again when we get back to the car. She is crying all the time and wants my attention all the time. She demands things and if they dont happen THAT second its a full blown scream fest. It's been a really tough couple weeks for us. I cant imagine having others especially a newborn!

Hugs,

Maybe like anything it helps to know that it will pass and that it's not anything anyone is doing wrong. He;s just being a 20 mo and you're being a human and getting fed up haha

I get really down on myself for not sympathising more and holding and cuddling and taking a negative tone with her sometimes, at the end of the day I wish I wasn't frustrated with the neediness cause it's waht I love about being a parent - attachment haha

 

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

lots of Hugs mama, I know exactly how you feel. Try to stay calm and cool (not frigid, but you know what I mean) and maybe he will get calm from your good vibes. My son is highly reactive, especially to me because he is with me more then anyone else. So if I show the least bit of impatience or frustration, it gets WAY worse. But if I just stay calm and dont react to his tantrums/crying/screaming/whatever, he eventually calms down and becomes my little cherub again. DH has very little patience, so I have to constantly remind him that DS is still just a baby.

 

[Ellen Griswold]

It is such a hard age. Just hang in there. Is there anybody nearby to give you a little bit of respite on "those" days?

 

[Bald_Bull's_Mama]

Hugs to you, mama. What a hard time you all are having. It must be a hard adjustment for you guys. I like what Gina was saying about being the change you want to see. Reading The Daily Groove helps me to get in the right mindset for the day. Also, what about baby wearing. Either DS or DD2 or both or DH wear 1 and you wear the other. I'm a huge fan of babywearing for getting through rough patches. Lastly, try to remember it will get better. This will pass.

 

[Maine Mama Doula]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bald_Bull's_Mama Hugs to you, mama. What a hard time you all are having. It must be a hard adjustment for you guys. I like what Gina was saying about being the change you want to see. Reading The Daily Groove helps me to get in the right mindset for the day. Also, what about baby wearing. Either DS or DD2 or both or DH wear 1 and you wear the other. I'm a huge fan of babywearing for getting through rough patches. Lastly, try to remember it will get better. This will pass.

I actually wore him the other morning in the Ergo while DD2 slept in the swing and he was happy

: DD2 does not like the sling right now - she's at a stage where she just wants to be held facing out. She doesn't have enough head control to be worn forward-facing and she screams if put in any other position. I feel like DS is getting better now - if his needs are met, he's happy. I am working on my reactions and how I feel and trying to put everything in a positive light

 

[RKAI]

I'm so sorry, I feel your pain, we are going through the same thing with my DS at 23 months. I had not thought about molars. No advise, just sympathy, I finally had to lock myself in the bathroom for 5 min. so I could finish getting dressed, which had taken over an hour already because of the pulling, crying, and wanting to be held. I felt horrible but figured she was going to cry anyway since I was not holding her, at least I could hurry and finish. I hate to say I have given into TV and candy bribes, I figure I can break the habits soon enough, but I can't spend 20 minutes trying to get her to bend so I can buckle her into the car seat, so candy has helped that. Good luck.

Kori

 

[lolar2]

If there is anything you can do to get him to sleep more, it might help.

 

[goodygumdrops]

This is us right now. My son is 26 months and he just whines constantly. It's driving me up the wall.

 

[PPK]

Ditto to all of this! I just came here to commiserate with other mamas going through this. All I can suggest is to get a sitter that you can drop him off at every so often. We have one that we use almost daily for an hour or two and he loves to be there...bummer though, they're very Catholic, so we're out of luck today

 

[tankgirl73]

I think there's something about that age. DD, the sweetest, calmest, happiest baby anyone around had ever seen, became a MONSTER around that age.

So many developmental leaps combined with growing sense of self and power and, at the same time, awareness of their own weakness and inabilities... That's my guess to the major part of it.

We just grinned (mostly) and bore it, knowing it would pass. And it did!

And every so often, it rears its head again for a few days or whatever. We just cuddle her and bear it as best we can, knowing she's just going through something. And she gets through it! She's 27... no, 28mo now... And just the sweetest, most cooperative, most helpful and kind and gentle little thing. Most of the time. Heh.

When she's tired she does get cranky, so that's always something to look out for...

 

[tylerdylan]

DS2 just turned 21 months old and this is by far his worst phase yet. He was such an easy baby. Very easy going. Very independent. Very happy. Up until about 2 months ago. Now all he does is whine, complain and cry all day long! And he's sooooo loud! He's ok when we are outside, but I can't live outside! It's such a tough age. His talking is not great so I know a lot of it is frustration over that. He also has a fit whenever he doesn't get his way (ie standing on the table and other dangerous things he shouldn't be doing). And it doesn't help that his older brother seems determined to make him miserable. UGH! There's definitely an end to it, but the question is WHEN??? Because if it isn't soon I may very well lose my mind!

DS1 was high needs and irritable (still is, but now he has cancer so we understand why he's acting the way he is), but I don't remember him ever being this miserable!

Hang in there - you aren't alone!