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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
DO I have to be nice and give him <i>any</i> furniture to move into his new place?<br><br>
We are separating, not divorcing, for the time being, but he has left me and the kids-twice-within a two week period-and he is now telling me he is going to need furnishings to live.<br><br>
I let him come home the first time after he cheated (emotionally-no sex involved-but he went to <i><span style="text-decoration:underline;">her</span></i> house to talk on my daughters birthday leaving us at the birthday table!) and now he left me again because <i>he</i> is not happy and wants to see thing outside of home and how the really are and how he really feels.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
I had some compassion for him and was going to give him some things, but now I am like..wait a minute..nooo..you left...your choice..should have thought about that earlier.<br><br>
?
 

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My first instinct is to say change the locks and file an order for emergency support.<br><br>
I read your post in the roll call & don't know what happened with your foot, but could you also file for an order of protection.<br><br>
I can see you don't want things to be hostile, but he's created a lot of this. You need to think about what is the best way to protect yourself & your children.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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right now you don't have to give him anything, but he could empty out the house and leave you with nothing also. I'd give him the stuff you don't like.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Oh that <i>is</i> hard..I like all our-my-stuff...I was thinking about doing that too-but it is so hard to choose<br><br>
bu's mamma-he broke my foot by throwing a hard plastic bowl at me when he was angry..long story..but it was the beginning of our end...
 

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after our property was divided, I had planned to have a garage sale. I asked ex if he wanted any of the crap. Of course he didn't want any of it, it was crap, I had noone to help me have a garage sale and was a single woman not wanting a bunch more strangers at my house and my stuff got stolen when the house was up for sale and realtors came in showing it. Anyway I wound up hauling stuff to the goodwill all by myself and ex's attorney whined to the judge that he was "deprived" of half the garage sale money since I didn't end up having one.<br><br>
You would not believe how upset I was when he got the couch that 2 of our 3 children had repeatedly peed upon. It was old, we had been planning to get rid of it but I couldn't get it out the door of our one house at the time so I kept it. He also got my nice little computer desk.<br><br>
I was upset because he had no right to these things, and I had to go for 3 months with no couch at all since I was broke.<br><br>
Anyway, I now have a much nicer couch and all my children agree that I have a better couch than their dad <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Sometimes it's good to come to a written agreement, sometimes it's better to leave things that matter less than children to argue about, whatever you do, take pictures and inventory all your stuff now.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>pranamama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8983434"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">...whatever you do, take pictures and inventory all your stuff now.</div>
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a very good idea.<br><br>
A friend of mine is going through a nasty divorce & her stbx, who did not contribute to house management & upkeep or very involved in the care of their children, took, stole from her desk all the household records and files for each of the kids with report cards & artwork. She's heartbroken about the kids stuff.<br><br>
Honestly, you should not have to get rid of your things to furnish his place, and hopefully you can split things somehow, but in reality, they are just things and can be replaced. I know how hard it is though. I'm very attached to my things <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> .
 

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When my, now ex, chose his lifestyle over his family, I asked him to move out. He said he was going nowhere and he was doing whatever he wanted. I was a SAHM with a 18month old and a 4 year old. So, I said, fine, I will move out with the kids then. I found a place, picked a date and let him know my friends were coming over to help. He got up early in the morning, packed up the computer (monitor, keyboard, everything) and left town for the day knowing we would be gone when he got back (he took the computer because he figured we were planning on finding out what he had been up to and he was right). Anyway, with my friends there, they swept through the entire house, packed EVERYTHING up and moved it. I kept saying, "don't you think we should leave this for him?" (or that or another thing) and their constant reply was, "He doesn't deserve it." We moved EVERYTHING out of our house...he came back to a handful of items. The message he left on my phone was, "couldn't you have at least left me a skillet to make some dinner in?" (There were some items left, but very, very little). I felt like the troops had come in and cleaned the place out. I found humor in it then - even though I was so emotional about the whole thing - and I still find humor in it! My ex didn't care and he didn't really need anything. After he sold the few items that were left for him, he lived in his car.<br><br>
What a sad, sad state he was in (and still is).<br><br>
Anyway, to the OP, it is a hard call. Maybe let him take just a few necessities. Best to you.
 

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Ever see that movie "Waiting to Exhale" where the woman has a huge bonfire in the front yard with the x's things. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> that was me....<br><br>
Maybe not the best choice, but very theraputic.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
He came in the house today while we were away. He knew were we gone because he called me and asked what we were doing. I like a ding dong told him and he came after that call and listened to my answering machine messages.<br>
I had note laying out of my plans to see lawyer and all kinds of other preparing.<br><br>
I called him and told him he cannot come her. He chose to leave and he cannot come in and look around while we are away.<br><br>
he said well there was a call for me on the phone.<br>
I told him give them you cell phone next time you need someone to call you..and he just said well I guess I will have to write it down and hung up on me.<br><br>
SO I am changing the locks tomorrow..you think it is OK to do at this point?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Solange</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8990674"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">...<br>
SO I am changing the locks tomorrow..you think it is OK to do at this point?</div>
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He moved out, change the locks! Don't feel bad about it either.
 
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