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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>So have any of you experienced the following?  How did you deal with it?  How would you deal with it?</p>
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<p>Someone saying that if you keep posting about (on facebook) and talking about circumcision then people are going to start believing you are a pervert.</p>
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<p>My instinct is to have this sort of response <span><img alt="Cuss.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/Cuss.gif" style="width:33px;height:36px;"></span></p>
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<p>but I am thinking there has got to be better, more productive, ways of responding...</p>
 

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<p>It is not perverted to want to prevent children from unnecessary amputations.  What is perverted is to want to amputate part of someone's body b/c it was done to you.</p>
 

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<p>I think it is <em>more</em> perverted to have a baby's penis altered to gain a certain cosmetic appearance that you think will be more appealing to girls/women when he is older than to be against said procedure.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>buckeyedoc</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1286507/so-strange-the-way-some-people-view-the-issue-and-how-to-communicate-with-them#post_16128318"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I think it is <em>more</em> perverted to have a baby's penis altered to gain a certain cosmetic appearance that you think will be more appealing to girls/women when he is older than to be against said procedure.</p>
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<p><br><br><span><img alt="yeahthat.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="width:35px;height:25px;"></span></p>
 

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<p>If it happened to me, I'd ask that person if they'd say the same thing if I posted about stopping female circumcision.  Then I'd remind them if they didn't want to read my posts about it they have the ability to "hide" by post or just drop me as a friend, their choice. I have no idea how anyone could perceive posting links as something a "pervert" would do.</p>
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
<p>I "think" it comes from saying the word penis or just talking openly about anything to do with genitalia at all in a public forum.  </p>
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<p>I live in an area with a really high circ rate and honestly I think it comes from a complete unwillingness to talk about it at all.  With my first 2 I didn't even understand that circumcision was optional.  I know that sounds crazy, but you have to remember that was back before Internet was so common so my information came mainly from those I personally knew. </p>
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<p>I suppose that is why I talk to all the expecting moms in our area about it and post links.  I HAVE to believe that the circ rate is so high here because people just dont know better or else I dont think I could tolerate living here.  I just never dreamed it would get some people thinking of me as penis obsessed or perverted.<span><img alt="splat.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="width:30px;height:30px;"></span></p>
 

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I have to admit that learning about circumcision and how my Intact DH and I benefit from the fact that he is intact. It's made me a bit penis obsessed. But he doesn't mind. I'm starting to wonder if I have some settings wrong or something on my facebook. I post about one of two things about circ a month and I never get comments. I think maybe because I have lots of family and we are all french Canadian and don't circ so they think I'm posting it for others. I'm just hoping my SIL is reading it. She married and Circed guy and has said she will circ if she has a boy, becase it's what she prefers. I'm already planning a family intervention if that ends up being the case. Her two Brothers and Father are all intact and all three of her nephews. My other SIL (married to dh's brother) is on my side. She's come to me for advice about her DS.
 

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<p>I had this come up when I was discussing circumcision with a circumcised friend.  I was trying to calmly give him information that he didn't have, over the course of several conversations, and I am 100% positive that he felt attacked.  I anticipated these feelings and tried to prevent it from happening or alleviate the feelings once they came up, but still he felt "less than" and indignant.  At one point he made a comment that I seemed overly interested in infant foreskins, which made me angry and defensive, and then hurt.  I clarified that I do enjoy adult foreskins, but not infant, and that I felt this was an unwarranted attack.  He made his best attempt at an apology (failed, ha), and we ended the conversation there.  We haven't discussed it since.  There really isn't any pressing need to talk to him about it (no babies in his future, etc), so I don't see any reason to continue the conversation.  I hope that some of the things I told him will give him pause and make him think if he ever does have a son. </p>
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<p>For my part, it highlighted two things for me: first, that using the word "mutilation" really, REALLY has the potential to trigger a circumcised man (and probably others) who is not ready to face what was done to him.  I recognized this and stopped using the word, but I don't think he was able to move past my use of the word in our conversation.  Even if I believe this to be the case, I think more progress will be made if I am more careful with my words.  Men are very protective of and internalize their penis.  Any perceived attack shuts them down.  I know this isn't rocket science.  I guess I learned that it is a very difficult conversation to have with a man, especially one that isn't your partner, and who can't be validated as much as necessary later on in the bedroom.  Second, the innuendo that I was some sort of pedophilic pervert really cut my core, and it made me realize that the "Why are you so interested in my son's penis??" retort to circumcision promoters is unlikely to do anything but piss them off and shut them down.  Probably not the best tactic to use with someone you care for, unless nothing else will work.</p>
 

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<p>I think it's a defensive tactic designed to take the conversation off of the topic and on to you personally.  I have had this come up in thinly veiled ways.  I've responded to it with asking if they feel that someone working to stop female genital cutting has an improper interest in little girls.  This usually gives the proper pause to bring the discussion back to the real issue: human rights.</p>
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<p>I had a personal conversation with a stranger at the 17th Genital Integrity Awareness Week Demonstration in Washington DC last year.  I love this event because it gives me a chance to talk to random strangers who approach me to ask questions.  I had an older man who wasn't quite grasping the reason why infant male circumcision was such an improper thing.  I had run through the bodily integrity and ethics issues and very vaguely touched on sexual function (by mentioning that circumcision changes the act of intercourse because you could not change form without also changing function).  He was taking this info in and thinking about it but not "GETTING" it.  Then I asked him to tell me what his gut reaction was to the idea of a man asking for and signing consent to have his daughter's labia removed because he didn't like women with too much "stuff down there".  His face was worth a thousand dollars.  He was instantly repulsed.  I reminded him that we have mothers hundreds of times a day making the same decision for their son because the mother thinks a foreskin is yucky or dirty or gross.  It was that man's "Ah Ha<br>
 moment.  I love those moments when I can see a person just get it! </p>
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<p>It's not about any obsession I have for the penis on a baby or child.  It's about his human rights.</p>
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<p>While I'm feeling like rambling, I'll share another story.  There were a few young boys, mid high school aged if I had to guess, who were just not getting the facts.  They were being rather flippant and dismissive and asking serious questions yet blowing off the answers.  The man who organizes this event was talking to them and he gave up on them and walked away.  I don't know what possessed me but I decided to jump in and mention a few things from a sexual perspective because ALL teens are interested when an adult is willing to talk honestly to them about sex.  They were listening but not "getting it".  The moment that it came together for one of them was when I took note of his earring and asked him if his parents gave him permission to pierce his ear.  (He had one of those expander things in his ear hole.  It was about 1/4 of an inch maybe.).  He said 'No, they were pissed I had it done."  I asked him if he liked it and he said yes.  He was lit up about it and I could tell he really liked it so I asked him how it felt to make a decision for himself about his own body.  His lightbulb came on.  I then told him that this issue doesn't personally effect me - I am not at risk of circumcision.  I told them that I was a wife and mother to three small kids and I had a whole lof of other things I could be doing besides standing out here on a cold spring day to talk to strangers but that I did it because I believed that ALL people had the right to dominion over their natural born bodies.  Those young men left with a somber attitude and I know they contemplated the information they were given.  The young people are really where it's at in this issue.  They get it, usually very rapidly and easily.</p>
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<p>Ok, rambling over....just know that anyone who alleges that you have a perverted interest in baby genitals trying to protect their own mind from acknowledging the truth. </p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>PuppyFluffer</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1286507/so-strange-the-way-some-people-view-the-issue-and-how-to-communicate-with-them#post_16132668"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I think it's a defensive tactic designed to take the conversation off of the topic and on to you personally.  </p>
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<p>Ok, rambling over....just know that anyone who alleges that you have a perverted interest in baby genitals trying to protect their own mind from acknowledging the truth. </p>
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I hadn't thought of that, you are completely right!<span><img alt="thumb.gif" height="18" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif" width="23"></span></p>
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<p>Now I view it as a "I cant think of a logical argument so quick attack her as a person even if I have to get rude/nasty." sort of situation vs. a "wow, she sure has gotten weird, better say something to warn her" type of situation. </p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>SashaBreeze</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1286507/so-strange-the-way-some-people-view-the-issue-and-how-to-communicate-with-them#post_16134894"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>PuppyFluffer</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1286507/so-strange-the-way-some-people-view-the-issue-and-how-to-communicate-with-them#post_16132668"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I think it's a defensive tactic designed to take the conversation off of the topic and on to you personally.  </p>
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<p>Ok, rambling over....just know that anyone who alleges that you have a perverted interest in baby genitals trying to protect their own mind from acknowledging the truth. </p>
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I hadn't thought of that, you are completely right!<span><img alt="thumb.gif" height="18" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif" width="23"></span></p>
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<p>Now I view it as a "I cant think of a logical argument so quick attack her as a person even if I have to get rude/nasty." sort of situation vs. a "wow, she sure has gotten weird, better say something to warn her" type of situation. </p>
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Pretty much everything said by someone defending circ is about them and their feelings, and not about you.</p>
 
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