So this morning, I heard dh singing the ABC song to our two month old...

I say just let him go. It makes him feel like he is doing something concrete to give her the world. Sure she won't need it anytime soon. heknows that and you know that but he is looking at her and talking to her and playing with her. many moms would kill for that. Would it make any different if he was reading her sports illustrated or the wll street journal? no but regardless of what is coming out of his mouth so long as it is coming out in a positive way she is gonna dig it. let them have thier moment regardless of how silly it is. he may change his mind. he may not. you do things your way and let him do things his ways. It his dd and if this is a way of him expressing love to her then let it go. he isn't hurting anything. You have a very very long time until you have to face schooling philosophies and such.

Singing a song to a baby and pointing out what their body parts are isn't really teaching your baby (at least not in the way you mean, although she is learning an enormous amount from it, probably not the least of which is that Daddy loves her and sings to her). It's just a part of what parents do. I used sing a little song to Ramona when I dressed her: "Momma put your jammies on jammies on jammies on, Momma put your jammies on just like this: first we do your right arm, right arm, right arm, first we do your right arm, just like this; then we do your left arm" and etc. I wasn't trying to teach her, I was just singing. But EVERYTHING we do teaches our kids, and I am sure my kids learned colors form me saying things like, "Do you want to wear the blue shirt (holding up blue shirt) or the red one (holding up red shirt)?" And singing songs like, "Way up high in the apple tree, two red apples were looking down at me ..."

Namaste!

Quote:
Yes, you're clear now! I was about to post a "yeah that" to Dharamama's post and then I read your response and understand better. (Although I still agree with her - I see that you don't disagree with that.)

BTW, I'm a kindergarten teacher.

I agree with all that's been said here. You have a ~lot~ of time to let this thing develop naturally - and the last thing you need is to lock horns so far in advance of a problem. Maybe this is the best way he knows for relating to a baby right now, and it provides tools that make it easy for him. Maybe she'll grow up knowing all sorts of silly things out of meaningful context before she's of school age, but it won't harm anything if it's just part of playful attention from her dad.

Maybe having some good books about unschooling lying around would help more than articles - with their bulk and cover photos and all, they're more prone to be noticed and picked up to skim. I'd avoid using the word "unschooling" a lot, though - I think these issues are often a lot more digestible if not presented as an ideology but just as common sense.

And magazines!
Life Learning Magazine should be a help.

You might take a look and see if you think any of these articles would be helpful at some point.

Natural Child's articles on learning

For Dads by Dads

My Journey from Teaching to Homechooling

Actually, my whole website is geared toward this kind of thing. You can do a lot of good surfing from there. Lillian

My dh was grudgingly accepting of homeschooling until our daughter turned about three and he said to me one day, "You know, I don't think Ramona would do that well in school." And he didn't mean academically, he meant personality-wise. It took him a while to get it. We both agree that our son is the kind who would probably thrive anywhere and our daughter is the type who, well, would not. A lot of it comes from just knowning your kid. IME, men think differently than women, and at this point your dh is probably like about why this homeschooling thing is even a topic of discussion, because she is, after all, two months old and brand new to your husband.

I wouldn't worry too much about it right now. Your dh may be able to discuss this more with you when he feels like he has a better handle on who his little girl is and when he feels like the topic of "her education" is a little more relevant.

And even if you do decide to unschool, there is nothing wrong with your dh teaching her things if she is receptive to it.

And, based on who your daughter turns out to be, you may decide that unschooling is not the best thing *for her* anyway. (Not that I think that will happen and not that I think unschooling is a bad idea ... just, well, don't worry about it right now.)

Don't push your husband to read the articles now. He probably has a million other things on his plate as a new dad. Give him some time.

HTH.

Namaste!

first if he is not on board with unschooling I think you need to be wiling to compromise. There are two extemes and the whole rest of life in between.

perhaps goping to a homeschooling conference where the pros and cons of lits of different methods are discussed or sveral cnferences that look at specifically his way, your way and some middle ground would also help. but i still think worrying too much now about what the future will hold will only distract him from what he is doing now. You don't even know who she is going to grow up into yet much less how she can be best educated. You both might change yuor mind once you se who she is, what your family looks lie 5 years from now, who you are 5 years from now could change a lot. When my child was born I thought I ould homeschool a certain way. when she was 5 I was in a completely different place. Now that she is nearing 10 we are ina completely different place even yet.

It might also help, rather than come at it from the perspective of "I have done my research and have found the right way and you haven't even read anything, what can you know your way is wrong and uneducated and you need to read what i have read and start thinking the right way like me" come to it from a *sincere* place of "I am very intrested in this, can you read it and tell me what you think." might be helpful. I as a mom and natrual born researcher it has been easy for me to come from that first place but I have found the second not only more productive but i have also learned a lot more and not fallen into so many potholes along the way. What seems right to me in theory is not always what is best for us in practice. and it takes an open mind and heart and a gentle husband for me to understand it clearly sometimes.

Quote:

With all due respect, I disagree with your position. I strongly doubt whether or not your dd is learning the ABCs, but I do believe she's learning to interact with your husband, and if she happens to learn the ABCs, then so much the better.

Without getting into an ugly homeschooling debate, allow me to point out that even in the wild -- especially in the wild, actually -- it is the primary function of the parent animal to impart skills and knowledge to its young. I believe your husband is following an ancient instinct, at the very least, and bonding with your child in any case.

Moreover, I question the validity of your assumption that learning should take place without teaching. I realize you may disagree with this idea, but let me use an example. If my child wishes to learn mathematics, I could either teach my child the mathematical algorithm A + B = C and show her examples and then let her "play" with the idea, or I could let her figure it out by herself because I do not wish to "teach" her.

If I allow her to do the latter, I am essentially erasing or removing the advantage of thousands of years of mathematical knowledge. I am compelling my child to return to a societal level enjoyed by those living eight thousand years ago, give or take a millenium, and compelling her to do what amounts to re-enacting the discovery of mathematics, which for most of us requires a level of prodigious intelligence that most of us do not share -- certainly speaking for myself.

And to what purpose? Unless one's child is a mathematical prodigy and can intuit or figure out the rules of mathematical algorithms by herself -- and some people's children can, which is great, but most cannot -- you arrive at the same point regardless: that A + B = C.

Along the way, what have you gained? Is it worth it? Or would it have been simpler to use the knowledge so hard-won by others and pass that on to your child?

Just some thoughts.

My husband wasn't really on board with unschooling either; in a way he still isn't. Fortunately, he leaves most of those decisions to me. But as others have pointed out, you have plenty of time to work on him (although by the time your 2-month-old is 5, there may be universal pre-pre-pre-kindergarten starting at birth )

Quote:
I don't think (although I could be wrong) that even the most radical unschooler would advocate withholding established knowledge from kids. But that doesn't mean it has to be taught in some formal, structured way according to an established curriculum. Showing them how to figure it out for themselves *is* teaching them, and I don't think it's any more difficult than memorizing a bunch of facts, and it's more versatile.

I'm not saying the formal, structured curiculum way is without merit, but I don't think it's accurate to say that those of us who do it differently aren't teaching our kids or are forcing them to fend for themselves academically.

I agree with much of what you say, Baudelaire, although I think the concern Persephone expressed was about the possibility of a whole lot of unnecessary "teaching" to come - the kind that can be intrusive. If it were a full time at-home parent seriously set on beginning something called "Homeschooling" at this age, I'd be concerned about it being a pain in the neck to the child before long. But occasionally coming from dad in play, this seems like pretty harmless stuff that could be fun for a child. Heck, if he wants to teach her the history of baseball, she might even enjoy it under the right conditions . And he'll probably let up on it little by little as he sees how unnecessary it is to teach things that just get learned in the course of living.

Maybe he'd enjoy some really fun things to do with a baby and bring on giggles - action rhymes and fingerplays like Round and Round the Garden. A lot later he could go on to things that include numbers, like the 5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. I like to give books on fingerplays and rhymes as gifts for baby showers - there are some really good ones around! - because they give parents ideas for really fun times with their little ones, and those times are worth a lot more than a pretty outfit that's going to be outgrown in a few weeks.

- Lillian

I agree with those who have said to give it time. My DD is almost 2 years. In those two short years, DH and I come a long way in our thoughts about school and learning. We are just now realizing that unschooling is the way we want to go. Neither of us really pushed for it; we both kind of came to that realization together. Raising a baby from birth to age 2 is just like unschooling a 3, 4, 5, 10-year-old. You do what comes naturally and follow the child's lead.

It is true that they learn an amazing amount just by interacting with you. My DH is a natural "teacher," and is constantly telling and showing and explaining things to DD. She loves it. And if she stops loving it, DH will stop doing it. We change and grow and phase in and out. Be fluid and keep bringing it up in non-threatening ways. You don't need to agree about absolutely everything right now. Your DH will most likely see what unschooling is once he is a parent for a year or so. Good luck.

I just want to echo the PPs and suggest gently that you honour and encourage (and enjoy!) the natural relationship that is blossoming between your child and her father. There is plenty of time and space for philosophical discussions about education....but both your views and his will adapt and change over the years as you get to know your child, and these magical months should be about coming together as a family. His views and opinions need to be respected in the same way as yours do, which isn't likely to happen if one of you is determined to change the other. If you reframe your unschooling ideas to include yourself and your husband, you may want to consider changing your tactic and giving your husband's journey the same respect you hope he gives your child's.

With all due respect (I mean that sincerely), I urge you to relax and enjoy your family.

Karen