[readytobedone]

there's a new baby at DD's daycare. she's 2.5 months old. she's a fussy high-needs type of girl and she doesn't do well in swings and "containers" (not a good fit for a daycare, unfortunately).

they can't hold her all the time, and her mom has okayed her crying (saying she's really fussy and they only need to worry about it when she's REALLY upset

), so i was there the other day when she was crying. a bunch of toddlers were clustered around her swing, trying to soothe her and give her a binky and sing to her and all of those nice things. it was actually quite sweet to see them, including my own DD, who said "uh-oh, baby! baby crying! mama, help baby!"

and so i asked the DCP (whom i really love and have a good relationship with) if i could hold the baby. she actually seemed relieved i wanted to help out. i held her for about 15 minutes. she stopped crying immediately and stayed content the entire time she was in my arms--all the baby needed was to be held

so...sad part is, this poor baby is crying a lot more than she should have to

happy part is, kids totally intuitively get that a crying baby=something wrong, and you should pick the kid up

:

:

:

(DD actually asked me to pick up a complete stranger's baby in a pizza parlor the other day because he was crying--i had to explain (quietly) that i couldn't pick him up, but his mama really ought to!

)

i guess the sad part, part 2, is why do kids get this, but adults have such a hard time with it? is it just adults letting our instincts be worn down by culture? kids' instincts are fresher?

but it is so sweet to see that kids "get" AP by nature, though...i find it very heartening for the future of the human race

 

[boatrat]

That is a very sweet story, thanks for sharing.

 

[mamabearsoblessed]

It is instinctive

.
Would the dcp be willing to wear this little one? It would make a world of difference for everyone...
When my olders were smaller they would say very loudly that 'baby needs nursees!!' when we were out a nd about and a baby was unhappy and fussy.

even now when my babe is unhappy with someone else, her brother and sister carry her to me saying~ "Nomi needs milkies". The baby is 17 mos, dd and ds, 8 and 5.

:

 

[AnnaGA]

awwww...so sweet. My 3 y/o will do that when his sister fusses. I can't always get to her as soon as she makes a peep, but he will fly to her side to pat her, give her a paci or a toy, etc. Sweet. I never thought of it that way - that even toddlers know a baby is not supposed to CIO!

 

[claddaghmom]

Aww my little sister does that when DD cries.

She says very matter of factly: "Her needs ump, I believe. Her is thirsty."

 

[hippiemum21580]

I have noticed this as well both with my own children and even children I have cared for in my hoem who do NOT have AP parents. I have one friend who believes very strongly in CIO and was constantly buttingheads with her 6 year old daughter cuz the baby would be crying in thecrib and the 6 year old would go get him and carry him around and soothe him. Made me sad to see her getting scolded for doing what instinct was telling her to do.

 

[Therese's Mommy]

So sweet! My 4yo always jumps in to try and calm her 22mo sister when she is upset and I am unavailable at the moment. And the other night the two were sleeping in the family bed and I had fallen asleep down the hall in the guest bedroom. I was woken up by my 4yo standing there holding her little sister's hand saying "excuse me mommy, Anna Mary is fussy." It was so cute!

Beth

 

[_betsy_]

It is instinctive. But when you HAVE that high-needs baby who fusses all the time, and you can't get anything done, and she won't tolerate a sling (or maybe you don't know about them) and you have to go back to work and you're exhausted and everyone is telling you 9 million things about how to deal with her... and... you get the picture.

Society makes us think we've done/are doing something wrong when we have a baby who isn't sweet and docile and asleep 22 hours out of every day. It's HARD to remember to listen to your insticts and do what's best for baby every second of every day when 1) everyone's telling you that's not right, 2) you have other responsibilities 3) you don't have a good roll model/never seen AP in practice, etc.

 

[mizlizzy]

It is so sweet that you dd and the other kids get it.

Off topic but a cute story: Even animals get it:

Last week my 6 week old woke up in the bassinet where she sometimes will take naps, and started mewling for me to come change her. I was just doing the dishes and wanted to just finish one task, so I told her just a minute. Well, my beloved cat who was my baby for 12 years before my human baby, positioned herself right between the bassinet and me and looked right at me, doing her need help now, situation desperate meow! Like, mama, come get you baby, she needs you, NOW.

What a good kitty, helping me get my priorities straight!

 

[PassionateWriter]

Quote:

Originally Posted by hippiemum21580 I have one friend who believes very strongly in CIO and was constantly buttingheads with her 6 year old daughter cuz the baby would be crying in thecrib and the 6 year old would go get him and carry him around and soothe him. Made me sad to see her getting scolded for doing what instinct was telling her to do.

that makes me sad too.

 

[NaturalMindedMomma]

Quote:

Originally Posted by readytobedone there's a new baby at DD's daycare. she's 2.5 months old. she's a fussy high-needs type of girl and she doesn't do well in swings and "containers" (not a good fit for a daycare, unfortunately). they can't hold her all the time, and her mom has okayed her crying (saying she's really fussy and they only need to worry about it when she's REALLY upset ), so i was there the other day when she was crying. a bunch of toddlers were clustered around her swing, trying to soothe her and give her a binky and sing to her and all of those nice things. it was actually quite sweet to see them, including my own DD, who said "uh-oh, baby! baby crying! mama, help baby!" and so i asked the DCP (whom i really love and have a good relationship with) if i could hold the baby. she actually seemed relieved i wanted to help out. i held her for about 15 minutes. she stopped crying immediately and stayed content the entire time she was in my arms--all the baby needed was to be held so...sad part is, this poor baby is crying a lot more than she should have to happy part is, kids totally intuitively get that a crying baby=something wrong, and you should pick the kid up : : : (DD actually asked me to pick up a complete stranger's baby in a pizza parlor the other day because he was crying--i had to explain (quietly) that i couldn't pick him up, but his mama really ought to! ) i guess the sad part, part 2, is why do kids get this, but adults have such a hard time with it? is it just adults letting our instincts be worn down by culture? kids' instincts are fresher? but it is so sweet to see that kids "get" AP by nature, though...i find it very heartening for the future of the human race

I have seen my daughter with the deer in the headlights look when a baby fusses or cries, "UH OH, MAMA, BABY KYIN!" She will repeat it until the baby stops.

I feel for the fussier babes mamas too. It stinks having to go back to work and having a high needs baby like that. I can only imagine how tired she is and how it must bother her to have to let the baby cry from time to time.

 

[pixiekisses]

Yeah, I've seen that with all my kids too (and in daycare), it's so sweet, and good to se the instincts working!

 

[Lynn08]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mizlizzy It is so sweet that you dd and the other kids get it. Off topic but a cute story: Even animals get it: Last week my 6 week old woke up in the bassinet where she sometimes will take naps, and started mewling for me to come change her. I was just doing the dishes and wanted to just finish one task, so I told her just a minute. Well, my beloved cat who was my baby for 12 years before my human baby, positioned herself right between the bassinet and me and looked right at me, doing her need help now, situation desperate meow! Like, mama, come get you baby, she needs you, NOW. What a good kitty, helping me get my priorities straight!

My cat did something similar when dd was a few weeks old (now he just runs and hides from her :nana

. We lived in the 2nd floor apartment of an old house with shared a laundry room on the first floor right off our door. So I had gone down (leaving the door open so I could hear) to switch the clothes out and before I finished, lo started crying. I hurried back to the stairs only to be met by my meowing cat who then raced back up to sit by crying babe until I got there.

And he's a BOY cat with no b*lls and even HE knew that the baby needed something. Sheesh.

 

[closedaccount15]

That's sweet. Anytime a baby cries in public, my DD always hugs me and says "Mom-me baby crying, hug the baby"

DD is still very high-needs, I can totally see if someone had no AP role models that they think letting a baby cry will be okay, because I was told that myself on many, many occasions and had a lot of trouble mentally dealing with people telling me to do things that seemed against my nature.

 

[mamakah]

I was at my friends house one day with my DS. Her daughter is 1 1/2 my son is 11 months. I put him down for a nap in her crib and walked out of the room to find his pacifier. He started crying. I couldn't find the pacifier so he was in the room crying while I looked. My friends daughter was soooo concerned. She looked so troubled and kept running to him and then running to us as if saying "DO SOMETHING!" We had to assure her that he was ok, he was just sleepy and needed his binky. So sweet and cute. If only we all continued to care for eachother like that.

 

[angelamariebee]

While my DD's cries don't stir up those new-mother instincts now like they did when she was an infant (probably because now she's just being whiney, lol) it does when I hear other people's infants crying. We were in Borders not too long ago and a woman with about four kids was pushing a double stroller, and her what looked like a four month old was just SCREAMING. She seemed unaffected, just browsing books. I was like, "Whaa??" I wanted to lend her my ring sling. I had to leave the store, I couldn't handle hearing that baby cry any longer.

 

[LeighB]

It's amazing how they know that babies need to be comforted. When Dd sees a picture of a crying baby or hears one she points and makes this cry-baby face.

 

[KimPM]

...if only we could *all* keep that childhood innocence...it'd be a great place!

 

[lemurmommies]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KimPM ...if only we could *all* keep that childhood innocence...it'd be a great place!

Indeed it is.

On Easter Sunday we had brunch with friends, who do a cry-in-arms approach to nap and bed time with their 10 month old son. The baby's dad had him upstairs and was getting him to sleep. The baby cried for about 3 minutes, and the whole time he was upset, our 2.5 year old cried too. He kept saying "Baby B is sad. He's so sad. He's crying. I need to sing him a song..." It was sweet, but so so sad at the same time.

 

[PassionateWriter]

what is a "cry in arms" method? and if a baby is crying while being held, what is really the alternative? not being snarky, just trying to understand...