Mothering Forum banner
1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,239 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all I havnt posted here before but I post in some of the other threads. I just thought I would come here hopefully for some support. My dh and I have been married now for 11y. He has been dipping scoal (the stuff in the round can) since he was a teenager. I didnt know about it till just before we got married oh how i wish i had known. He kept it from me not that i ever thought to ask if he dipped.
Since I found out it has affected our relationship in so many ways but the thing that hurts me the most is that I cannot bear to kiss him. The bits of scoal in his teeth and the awfull stench(he rarly if ever bothers to brush after a dip or even rinse out his mouth) Been this way now for years
I have talked to him about it and I even wrote him a letter to try to get him to see how this is affecting me. But even as I write this he is laying on the couch with a big dip in.
I lost a very important part of our relation ship not being able to kiss him without being half sick just the thought :puke I hate that it makes me think of finding someone to feel the void.
and it makes me so angry that he dosnt seem to care that is how i feel
I know that he is addicted to it but why isnt my happiness enough to at least motivate him to try??????? I guess this just sounds more like a poor pittiful me speach I guess I should just learn to accept my life for what it is and let it go. Or leave him one cant see myself leaving tho. He is a good man in many other ways a hard worker and a good provider and he is so good to me except for this issue. I feel like I am being torn apart how do I learn to live with things the way they are? I just want to feel complete again. Anyway thank you for reading this
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,323 Posts
Mama, I feel you in a big way. My dh has the same nasty habit, though he is smart enough not to do it in front of me. It makes me mean
: I've tried yelling, talking, crying, not talking, the nasty flyers from the American Cancer Society...none of it makes a difference. This sounds horrible, but I've told him that when he's going through chemo and having chunks of his face removed, I won't be there for him. I won't make my children watch their father die from something he chose to do. It's boggling to me that you can continue to do something that will most likely cause you great sickness and pain. I won't kiss him until after he brushes his teeth either.

I wish I had some advice, the magic words to make him stop. The change has to come from inside himself, he has to want it. It won't matter how you feel about it unfortunately. I would like to believe if I had a habit that was terrible like dipping, how my dh felt about me because of it would make me change
I don't understand how it doesn't affect my dh in the same way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,860 Posts
When I saw your thread title, I actually wondered if that was what it was about, because my ex was the same way. (we didn't split over it, but I did decide that I would never again date anyone who dipped again)

He was like your dh too, in that he wasn't good about brushing his teeth, and I never kissed him either. I used to bug him to at least brush his teeth, and he used to tell me he did, but he didn't (I was even a toothbrush spy, putting his toothbrush in some unusual position and seeing if it moved, feeling it to see if it was wet, etc.)

The worst thing was that I like to drink diet cokes, and he would always use the empty cans as spitoons! It was bound to happen, he accidentally used one that I hadn't finished yet, and...well, you can guess
!!! I was furious (and quite ill)! and at least he stopped doing that.

I don't have any great advice to help get your dh to quit, nothing worked on my ex., but keep at it and know that you're not alone
:

(your little guy is adorable!!)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,995 Posts
I feel the exact same way about dh's smoking. It is so exasperating. I know he could quit if he just cared enough to make the effort. I mean, I know it is hard but he doesn't even try.
This smilie describes how I feel a lot of the time. UGH.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,956 Posts

It's really an addiction - a bad one for many people. I'm not sure what makes people willing to change their addiction, but it's not as if he doesn't love you or doesn't care about you. Don't judge him on what other people did or could do - he's different and his process will be different.

That said - he will have to face the consequences of his actions. The money, the lack of affection, etc. No excuses for him.

I liked this quote

Quote:
Nicotine is as addictive as any drug out there. The addicted brain will try just about any trick in the book to make you think you should have another dip. It knows you have made up your mind to resist any desire for tobacco, so it'll change the rules away from "desire" and couch it in terms of "right & wrong." It'll conjure up thoughts like "If you don't have a dip you're bad; you're evil. The right thing, the good thing, the correct thing to do is have a dip now. It's good and good for you."
Realizing these thoughts will come, and that they will be real and convincing, and planning to reject them in advance, to accept being a "bad boy" and not having that dip will go a long way towards kicking the habit. The cravings will be intense and the rationalizations remarkable. When you look back on the experience with years of abstinence behind you you'll laugh at their ridiculous premise - but when you're going through it it will be real and palpable and reasonable. Be ready for it.
Say NO!
Rick
PS Don't waste your time talking to those who've never been hooked on tobacco. They mean well and they think they know what they're talking about, but they do not.
from: http://www.scubaboard.com/archive/in...p/t-78652.html
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,239 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Quote:
The worst thing was that I like to drink diet cokes, and he would always use the empty cans as spitoons! It was bound to happen, he accidentally used one that I hadn't finished yet, and...well, you can guess !!! I was furious (and quite ill)! and at least he stopped doing that.
I forgot to mention this happened to me to I have never been so sick. I had a ruff night with dd and had layed down on the couch for a little rest and had a whole pop sitting there. I had forgotten about it after going to the bathroom and coming back. :puke Unfourtunaly it has also happened to my dd but she was smart enough not to swollow. But it still burned her mouth really bad I so wanted to hurt dh over that one. It is such a shame that at a very early age she learned to look at the top of pop cans before taking a drink. He still uses my pop cans even after he promised not to
 
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top