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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So today I am losing my baby that is only 3wk5days. I knew from the time I got the positive test that my progesterone was low. In fact I misunderstood and though maybe I was crazy and NOT pregnant because the doctor said 22 and I heard -2.
Anyway - the strange thing about it is that I am not really grieving this baby but I am grieving my loss of Xavier all over again. I dont understand if Im just transfering my grief from this one to Xavier - or if it's reminding me somewhat of him. I just feel sad and strage today

And now we have determine that my uterus is prolapsing and I will be having hysterectomy in 1wk and half. Dude....
 

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I am so sorry. I can't imagine... sooooo much loss so quickly. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I am just so sorry. I really want to hug you right now...
 

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Why do you have to have a hysterectomy in a week and a half from a prolapsed uterus? There are other ways to fix that, and lots of mamas who go on to have more babies with a uterine prolapse....

I am sorry, but I would get a second opinion...

*HUGE, enormous hugs* mama XXX
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
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Originally Posted by JayJay View Post
Why do you have to have a hysterectomy in a week and a half from a prolapsed uterus? There are other ways to fix that, and lots of mamas who go on to have more babies with a uterine prolapse....

I am sorry, but I would get a second opinion...

*HUGE, enormous hugs* mama XXX
Because we dont want to have anymore children. Im simply not willing to go through another loss. I have a beautiful little girl who we have adopted and Im pretty content with her. I didn't try to get pregnant these last two times - they just happened. And I was in love because they already existed. But in all reality Im just done.
He can and would do repairs should I want to have another child. But I told him no - I was supposed to have a hysterectomy last year due to my wacky terrible bad periods, and anemia (Im newly anemic and periods bring me to the brink of needing transfusion). But found out I was pregnant a week before surgery. I hadn't rescheduled it yet because my OB wanted me to wait and make sure that I didn't change my min about having more children. She really hates to see her patients experiencing regret.
Rather than prop me up and then have to have surgery again in several years -I rather just be done completely. Plus I need the rectocele and cystocele repairs which are gonna be painful enough - I rather do everything all at one time than have seperate surgeries.
Everytime I lose a baby I lose a part of myself. I just cannot go through more of it. Im not willing to take the chance that I could have a normal pregnancy because Im nont willing to take the chance that I might have another loss.
 

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Oh mama, I'm so sorry... I'm glad you have a clear direction, even if it's a painful, hard decision to make. BIG hugs.
 

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Oh mama, okay, I understand. I think it's awesome you adopted - you know, there are so many little beauties out there that need a loving mommy or daddy
I am mom to two of them
- it's love, no matter how it happens


I wish you a lovely, speedy recovery from the surgery. I hope it goes well and that you feel a ton better afterward, sweetie


*HUGE, enormous hugs* XXXX
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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Originally Posted by JayJay View Post
Oh mama, okay, I understand. I think it's awesome you adopted - you know, there are so many little beauties out there that need a loving mommy or daddy
I am mom to two of them
- it's love, no matter how it happens


I wish you a lovely, speedy recovery from the surgery. I hope it goes well and that you feel a ton better afterward, sweetie


*HUGE, enormous hugs* XXXX
Thanks. I am blessed, aren't I?
Im a little shocked that this miscarriage though far less along then Xavier - is just as painful. Im not having the huge clots and extreme bleeding but the contractions are amazing. Im sitting here with a cup of the delicious red raspberry leaf tea you sent me after we lost Xavier. Thank you so much for that!
 

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No problem sweetie
You're so welcome - it's so good for you anyway


And you are right, because I had a chemical a few cycles ago and while it was good to know we could conceive, I do still take those pregnancy tests (I stuck them to a piece of paper entitled "Jay and Harry's second little life") out of the drawer sometimes and look at them and feel sad.

Are you ever thinking of adopting again?

*HUGE hugs* XXX
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
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Originally Posted by JayJay View Post
No problem sweetie
You're so welcome - it's so good for you anyway


And you are right, because I had a chemical a few cycles ago and while it was good to know we could conceive, I do still take those pregnancy tests (I stuck them to a piece of paper entitled "Jay and Harry's second little life") out of the drawer sometimes and look at them and feel sad.

Are you ever thinking of adopting again?

*HUGE hugs* XXX
Eh.....I dunno. If we won the lottery we would consider adopting a newborn via domestic adoption. But would I go through another CPS adoption? Unfortunatly, NO. Those children need it more than any - but the system is so prolonged and frustrating that I just couldn't go through it all again. I have and still do somewhat consider the idea of foster newborns (come home from the hospital to me) as an emergency worker - but the classes would tkae us MONTHS to complete due to hubby being home only 2wks a month.
If you consider later down the road - the idea of adoption, CPS isn't impossible and lord knows it's the cheapest - but try and go through an agency that helps to bridge the gap. I can help you find one if you ever wish to!
I too pull out my pregnancy tests - for this baby and Xavier. I have a blanket that was given to me the first time we saw his heartbeat - and sometimes I get it out and stare at it and the ultrasound photos and videos.
Here are the links if you would like to see...I have debated putting up a memorial page but dont really know how to do that.

It says 6wks 6days because we went by last menstrual period I was actually like 5wks 5days or so.

This one takes a second to focus cause my mom didn't know how to work my camera. This is 2 days before we lost him. You can see the color blinking and that's his heart.

http://w296.photobucket.com/albums/m...t=29a680ad.pbw
 
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