So what are the different scenarios?

I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

To your question - in theory, ANYTHING can happen. What is likely to happen is another story.

I think for starters, you need to consider

1. what the standards are in your state (I believe some states start w/the assumption of 50/50 custody and work from there)

2. What would you & your husband want? My X never had any serious interest in physical custody (though he used it as a threat), but I was never really concerned.

3. You say he is abusive - is that documented? Has he been abusive to the children?

4. How old are the kids? I believe that generally, joint physical custody is less likely to be imposed on very young children/babies, BUT I'm not sure.

5. Is your mental illness incapacitating to the point where you cannot care for your kids full-time/long term without another adult around? Or could your X make an argument to that effect, even if you think (or know) it's untrue?

6. As for co-sleeping, I don't see why that has to come up. If someone says don't co-sleep, get a bed for the kids. If they wander around at night (and what kid doesn't) and crawl in with you...well... No vaxing is something I think some parents have had to compromise on in nasty custody battles. I'm not sure what you mean by metaphysics in this context.

7. If you're going into anything but the most amicable divorce in the history of man, you should have some legal counsel. Legal aid, maybe a law student clinic, something. Also, if there's going to be a battle for custody, I think appearances - both literal appearance (looking professional, conservative, put-together) and behavioral appearance (seeming calm, rational, thoughtful) can have a significant influence on how one is perceived. Another mama here says to always be the bigger person (I'm paraphrasing and I can't remember who it is) and to stay above the fray. ALWAYS be the good mom who is willing to do the best for her kids even if it's not the most fun for her.

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Thank you for your response. It means alot that those who have been there are willing to counsel me.

This site has some info on Florida:

http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_...&state_code=FL

Maybe there's a FL mama here who has additional information/experience. I also learned a lot about my state laws from my lawyer.

Custody threats are not uncommon. Fortunately for me, once my X realized I wasn't going to cave (the issue was his having to contribute to the costs of childcare, which is separate from child support in my state - he threatened to go for custody), he backed off custody.

I really don't know about documenting emotional abuse. I told my lawyer about my X (that he's a narcissist, how he treated me, that his priorities are his image and his money only) and I think that helped her advocate for me well, and also prompted her to get things laid out in the agreement that would minimize his ability to bicker, my need to interact with him, and his ability to weasel out of paying.

I think if you are sticking with a treatment plan, that's good, re: mental illness. Do you have a support network? I would imagine (but don't know for sure) that any judge deciding custody for 3 very young children would want to know about how those kids would be cared for day-to-day and the backup plans. This would apply even in the absence of any illness (who will care for the kids if you get injured, who will pick them up if you're stuck late at work, what are your childcare arrangements), but may be more important in your situation. I really don't know. But I would think that being able to demonstrate that you are plugged into a supportive community, be it church, extended family, or great friends/neighbors would be good for a custody case as well as just a good thing in general.

In terms of the very fundamentalist Christian community - I don't know. If it's something that makes your average person raise an eyebrow, it might be a problem, might not. It probably depends a lot of what the "norm" is where you are. I think that being regular churchgoers would generally be seen as positive, but the way you've phrased it makes me think that your church might be considered extreme in some way by some people. Not sure.

I think the alternative lifestyle is only an issue if either you or the father makes an issue out of it or it's SO out of the mainstream (you want to raise your children in a nudist colony, or become someone's 7th wife) that a lot of people think it's dangerous/wrong/scary/etc.

"Alternative" stuff can often be dealt w/case by case. For instance, I BF my oldest until she was nearly 3.5. X never brought it up (we negotiated an agreement ourselves, no judge involved), I never brought it up. It was a non-issue. To be honest, I don't even know if it occurred to him that she was still nursing. Could he have made an issue of how "weird" it was? Maybe. What could he have done? Not much. How can someone order you to stop nursing? A judge could order overnights, which might disrupt regular nursing, but it would be hard to *stop* you from nursing in your home. Co-sleeping? Like I said, get a cot, and drop the issue. "She has a bed, your Honor." No-vaxing. I think this could be hairier. IF X wanted to make an issue (medical neglect), a lot of judges might look askance. Since every medical org is on board w/vaxing, I imagine most judges are not going to want to hear about the evils of vaccines. In the minds of some, an outright refusal to vax may look bad. And this is NOT something to loose custody over. B/c if you do, your X will get the kids, vax them anyway, and you don't have custody. I think some moms compromise on a slower or selective schedule (like Dr. Sears). Again, I think this would only be an issue if your X makes it an issue. If you anticipate this, I would certainly be sure the kids have a regular pediatrician and have had recent well child visits (and anything else routine - eye exams, dentists, etc.) at the least.

I know that all of this is incredibly overwhelming. It really is. I don't know your specific story, but contemplating the end of a marriage is always traumatic and sad, no matter how it turns out.

It kind of feels happy in my case. .

I dont know if it will happen, when it will happen, how it will happen - because I generally try to live day to day...

But as far as church goes - I dont have one (there is a church 30 min away that follows my beliefs but I dont go to it.)

my parents are my only true backup and they are often sick latley (My dad is in alot of pain and doesnt have adequate medical care to help him.) I have many people I can ask to be part of my support system though.

thank you very much for responding!!!!