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What have you guys found to be effective when your child hits another? (Background, my child isn't at that stage yet but a lot of my friends' kids are and they usually just say "don't hit" or "hitting hurts" which doesn't seem to register with their kids)
 

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welll personally I think the earlier you teach them, the better off you are. Just where do children learn to hit? Do they hit for attention, out of aggression, frustration? WHY are they hitting?<br><br>
My DD does not hit, but some of the other toddlers her age do. Many of the parents ignore the behavior, or give that weak "don't hit" which teaches nothing. I think it's important that they see the consequences of hitting. My SIL's child hit my DD in the face with a toy and I got down with my DD and my niece (since her mother was doing nothing...grrrr <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat">) and took the hitting child's arm and softly stroked it and told her "gentle hands. Be gentle with your hands, see how hitting hurts baby?(as I motioned to my crying DD) Hands are for holding (I held their hands) or clapping (clapped her ahnds) or giving hi-five." She seemed to see that hitting hurt and was amused at the options.<br><br>
Bottom line it's the parents. You can only model appropriate behavior for your own child, and keep an alert eye to protect them from hitters.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying">
 

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I try to look at the misbehavior as just a signal that something is wrong. In some book I read they compared it to noises your car makes, when you car starts to make funny sounds you don't focus on ways to quiet it, you try to figure out what is really wrong that is causing that sound. So when my kid is hitting, throwing, yelling, what ever, I try to look at those as the the funny noises- and no matter how much I focus on the hitting, I haven't really helped my kid. I need to get to the reasons behind the hitting and address those. So I might say you seemed angry when he got near you/ took your toy/ looked at you. And I would teach him more appropriate ways to show anger. Or if he seems out of sorts because of hunger or tiredness or illness we, I might ask him to shut his eyes and see what his body is telling him and then we can fix that problem.
 

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Mine are much older, but hitting is still an issue. I am trying to teach them that they are so upset that they feel like hitting then they need to remove themselves (go to their rooms)
 

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My DS (almost 2) has not (apparently) started hitting other kids, but does hit/kick me and his dad. Not usually out of frustration, but he seems to think it's play. Any suggestions? He's pretty verbal, but hasn't seemed to register "gentle", although that with taking his hands and showing him sometimes works. Nothing seems to work for the kicking. He just asks "kicking?" and then does it some more.<br>
Divina
 

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Hi!<br><br>
I hope I'm not carrying this great thread question too far away, but regarding hitting: dd is 17 mon. and just started hitting other children. It happens when playing on the playground (ex. climbing up platforms to go down the slide) and other children move ahead of her, or when they move toward her; seems like she's upset that they are invading her space or she's freakin' about them possibly taking something away from her.<br><br>
just wondering, anyone else find this behaviour common in the<br>
1 1/2 year age group? some helpful suggestions for this ?
 

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For toddlers (and some preschoolers, it would depend on the child), sometimes you need to use a bit of gentle restraint. (Well, in my opinion, anyway.) Like an earlier poster suggested, if I am in a place to physically intervene I will try to catch the swung limb and stroke it gently while saying, "Gentle touches, please. People are not for hitting." (though with young young toddlers I skip the "people are not for hitting" part since they tend to latch on to the last word, and instead go the "hands are for clapping/petting/ect." route.<br><br>
For an older child, especially one that is enraged and could really harm another, that is another case in which I will use gentle restraint to protect the other child, either warding off the blows or holding them back. Though this time I will say "I won't let you hurt <other child's name> or yourself. How can I help you calm down" or somesuch, soothingly. Some older kids want to be held and rocked this way, others I respect their different needs by only moving them to a safe place and then letting them do what they need to.<br><br>
If I can intervene BEFORE a strike happens or is about to happen, I try to cry out "Stop!" or "Wait!" and offer something else they can hit/punch/kick instead. "Show me on this <whatever>!" I have read that some children respond well to being offered paper/crayons/pencil/pens to get out the emotion behind the punch, but to tell you the truth I have not been in a situation where that's been immediately available so I can't vouch for its effectiveness.<br><br>
I realize that for some restraint is a very hotbutton issue, and I respect that. I have just always been in an environment where it was expected that I would protect other kids from bodily harm, and even outside that environment it's second nature. Though on a playground, ect. where I had NO basis for knowing the other children involved, I tend to block blows/get them directed towards me or remove my child from the situation. Though interestingly enough, I have noticed that parents who won't do anything when their child hits another child will swoop in to intervene if their child's swat/punch/kick hits me instead!<br><br>
I am not sure my strategies would work for everyone though. And I fully expect to get reamed out by an irate parent one of the times that I block a blow to my child, and I can respect that too. I do think it's important for both hitter and hittee to be protected, which is why I concentrate on sending as much gentle love through my touch as I possibly can.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by chapulina</i><br><b>Hi!<br><br>
I hope I'm not carrying this great thread question too far away, but regarding hitting: dd is 17 mon. and just started hitting other children. It happens when playing on the playground (ex. climbing up platforms to go down the slide) and other children move ahead of her, or when they move toward her; seems like she's upset that they are invading her space or she's freakin' about them possibly taking something away from her.<br><br>
just wondering, anyone else find this behaviour common in the<br>
1 1/2 year age group? some helpful suggestions for this ?</b></td>
</tr></table></div>
That sounds exactly like my 17 mo DS! With his usual playmates he shoves/pushes them when they try to take something or invade his space but with unknown kids he just cries...<br><br>
I've been doing the "let's not push" thing for lack of anything better - although I really like the "hands are for other things" idea. DS has hit me a few times out of anger and when that happens I show him how to touch gently by caressing his face and saying "gentle" and when I do that he does the same thing back to me, but with other kids it hasn't been working out so well. In our playgroup it seems like each of the kids has his/her own specialty - hitting, throwing, pushing, etc - and it's been a challenge to decide how we moms want to deal with it with each other's kids. Like, if one child is playing with a toy and another grabs it, who gets the toy? It doesn't make sense for the toy to be grabbed or pried away from the second child to give back to the first... or to just let the second child keep the toy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">:<br><br>
I don't really have any good suggestions but I've been seeing a lot of newfound physical agression in the 1 1/2 yo age group!
 
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