[annazari]

Hi everyone,<br>
I'm just having these thoughts over the past couple of weeks that I may want to have a fourth child. It seemed that everyone thought we were crazy when we had our third child last year. Instead of congratulating us ,some people were like,"Hey, I hope you're done now!" I actually said to one of them"What if we're not finished?" she said "Well, then I'd say you're crazy." Ugh.<br>
I somtimes feel completley overwhelmed with having 3 kids but I consider them all to be such blessings, really beautiful and unique creations. I thought I was "done" but maybe God has other plans. Any life experiences would be helpful. I'm just hashing through all my feelings right now. Thanks for listening Jeannine

 

[mother culture]

I dont think God has anything to do with it, or abusive people wouldn't be so dam fertile! But I have 3 and would love another. My friends and family have some of those same coments and It just reminds me that I am a super woman and I do such a great job raising more children than most! Most remarks are "how do you do it"! Gives me room to talk about my views and beliefs. But I can't argue that adoption would be a more responsible and selfless option to having another of my own.

 

[carla72]

I had a hard time concieving #1 I hope I am lucky enough to have #4 or even #5 I just wished I would have started when I was 15 lol

 

[beansavi]

I like to think about when I'm an old lady, it will be nice to have these people in my life, even though it can be so freakin' hard when they are little... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[Darcy37]

Iam pregnant with #4 and I have a 20/14/14 month old and a 4 month old grandson<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> Iam 38 dont listen to other people listen to your heart Iam loving my second life set.lol

 

[keegans_mommy]

I don't know what is wrong with people! We got a bunch of lip from others when we had #3, people thought we were playing with fire because we had lost the previous baby about half way through the pregnancy. So they thought it was rather irresponsible of us to try again given that one died. Ugh, whatever. Then #4 surprised us and we didn't even get not ONE congratulations! And this baby is wanted!<br><br>
We got the feeling that people thought us irresponsible in our love life and felt sorry for us. We still get the surprised look and *gasp* when I say we have 4 children! 100 years ago, 4 would have been a small family!<br><br>
Go have your 4 children and let people *gasp*! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blahblah.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blah blah">

 

[Darcy37]

People said I was irresponsible having babies at my age because of the risk of birth defects but most down syndrome babies happen to people 35 and younger they did a study.

 

[MamaDee4]

Hmmmm......<br><br>
Guess that makes me crazy. We're trying for number five! If I hear another store clerk say, "Looks like you've got your hands full!" I'm going to scream! LOL! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nut.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nut"> Every time someone says that my 9 year old son says, "What do they mean? You're only holding one baby?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> My kids are 9, 6, 3 and 18 months.<br><br>
And you're right, back not so long ago, four would have been a very small family.<br><br>
I think in today's society we are really selfish. We want more cars, bigger houses and more "me" time. People want to leave their "one" child with a sitter and go out all the time to "get away." They don't understand my life. "How do you do it?" We actually prefer to stay home and enjoy each other's company. We do go out. As a family. We go on vacations--as a family. We enjoy it. Go figure!!! But I don't think you can "get it" until you have more than a couple kids.<br><br>
And I don't think you can "get it" if you want to have your nails done once a week and have a quiet time time alone evey day to reflect on what "Oprah" said on her show today. I don't have time for Oprah. LOL!<br><br>
But, you know what? I don't care!!!!<br><br>
Thanks for this thread. We're not even telling people we're "trying" for number 5. They don't get it.<br><br>
Dee

 

[keegans_mommy]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MamaDee4</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hmmmm......<br><br><br>
And I don't think you can "get it" if you want to have your nails done once a week and have a quiet time time alone evey day to reflect on what "Oprah" said on her show today. I don't have time for Oprah. LOL!<br><br><br>
Dee</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
nails done? What's that? LOL and who's Oprah? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bouncy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bouncy"><br><br>
We spend most of our time together too. DH and I get out on our anniversary, his B.day and mine too so that is only 3 times a year without kids and LOOK we are still sane and living!

 

[fromscatteredtribe]

when i had *just* three kids people used to look at me with sympathy when I was shopping with them<br><br>
now that I have four they look at THEM with sympathy when I am shopping with them<br><br>
I get the hands-full comment ALL the time, especially with homeschoolers out when other kids aren't.....my response is now , "yep, they're something" and i leave it at that. it means NOTHING, just like their comment, but it shows my resolve and my pride and my snarkiness and it seems better than ignoring them, justifying my family-size, or venting to a total stranger.<br><br>
"yep, they're something" and I stroke the hair of the sling-baby or one of the others and smile

 

[LisainCalifornia]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mother culture</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I dont think God has anything to do with it, or abusive people wouldn't be so dam fertile!</div>
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</tr></table></div>
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/clap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="clap"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/truedat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Truedat"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">

 

[MamaDee4]

Fromscatteredtribe,<br><br>
Hey, we homeschool, too! That makes us twice as wacky!!!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Dee

 

[MamaDee4]

Oh, duh.....I just realized that "homeschooling" is in my signature line.......<br><br><br>
Must be all these kids making me scatterbrained! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Dee

 

[fromscatteredtribe]

LOL mommadee<br>
the question might not be what is wrong with having four kids, but whta is wrong with US after having four kids......? ha ha

 

[Myboysmom]

There is not a DAMN thing wrong with having four kids!!!! I have a friend who has ten. ODS is in school at Auburn. ydd is about a year or so. She is the calmest, most organized person I know! I wish I were HALF as calm and organized with my three!

 

[Jane]

4 kids is not enough for a real basketball team. I would suggest 5 unless you like vollyball or curling or something odd like that.

 

[teachermom]

I have four. it always seems so funny to me when people refer to four kids as a big family. it seems just right to me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br>
the only thing i have found more difficult in having four kids s. 1 or 2 is that it is harder to find a sitter willing to take on four. luckily my best friend has seven. she takes mine when I need a break and I take hers when she needs one. we both homeschool and spend most of our time with our kids. you should see the looks I get when I take all 11 somewhere! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bouncy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bouncy">

 

[vermonttaylors]

Hey there, I only have 2, but my SIL just gave birth to her 4th (she also has a dss who is already away at school). She lives in NYC, and she said people were HORRIFIED when she told them she was pregnant with her 4th. They looked at her like she was some fanatic. I don't get it. She is one of 4. She loves kids, is a fantastic mama and her kids are amazing. What's the frigging problem? If other people don't want that many kids, then I suggest they use birth control and NOT HAVE THAT MANY KIDS! Leave people who do alone! Sheesh!<br><br>
We hope to have 4 and I don't care what anybody else thinks about that!

 

[Ame]

I agree with Beansavi and we also take into account tht our children will have their siblings for support and love and other necessities that friends can't always fullfill as well as family can.<br><br>
We have four and ever since the second we get the rudest comments about having too many...now that we are considering adding another family member we figure the comments can't get much worse LOL and we've come up with some pretty snazzy come backs that we enjoy using when ignorance rears its ugly head. Our only concerns right now are that we won't get a table at a restraunt in less than two hours and there won't be enough room in the car LOL<br><br>
The logistics of a family of more than 4 is not always easy or convenient but if thats the least of our problems then we're doing good!

 

[3inclothdiapers]

We have three so far, ages 3, 2 and 11 months (though the 3-year-old will be 4 in January). For about one month I'll be able to say they are 3, 2, and 1! I can't wait! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Anyway, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WANTING A 4TH CHILD!!! If there is, then there's something seriously wrong with me because I CAN'T WAIT to get pg again! Today my 1st AF in over 3 YEARS showed up (stayed away a long time due to pregnancies and bf'ing, and last time I got pg we caught the very 1st egg without ever getting af back)and I am so excited to start charting and see what happens. I'm still bf'ing but ds doesn't nurse very much anymore. He'd rather have food. He has an ENORMOUS appetite.<br><br>
Anyway, I too get the "you have your hands full" comment. Constantly. Almost every time we go out.<br><br>
As for people being happy for you or not, you have to just ignore them if they are rude. My SIL has 8 children, and got a lot of comments from my IL's because she and her husband were having some financial trouble for a while there. They've made it through that fine though, and are doing great. I know other families with lots of children and they are some of the best-behaved kids I have seen.<br><br>
I think the key is trying to be calm and keep it together when you are around other people. dh and i try to be laid back, and people really notice. They comment that our kids are wonderful and that we don't seem stressed at all. (we save it all for at home! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ). So I think whenever we have an announcement to make regarding #4, we should only get nice congratulatory comments. I hope.... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">