So your done right?

It is rude and it happens a LOT. We got looks and statements when we were having our third and now that we're having our fourth :

Just let it go - they don't get it.

We got a lot of that, too. I *really* hate it when people say "are you done" when you have a girl and a boy. Like if I had two daughters I would be somehow unsatisfied? Or two sons?

For the record, I'd like more children, or at least another child. But it has nothing to do with gender. :

I am going through this as well mostly because I have a boy and a girl ..So everyone assumes that is perfect and I wouldn't have anymore. My mother also told me to get my tubes tied I even made an appointment last year to have it done and the day before surgery I canceled!!! Then my mom says yeah she really didn't want me to have it done anyway : Now I am pregnant with #3 and I don't care what anyone says anymore. I think I am gonna get one of those shirts from cafe press that say " Yes I'm pregnant again,Yes I know what causes it, No I don't have too many! "

OK, I'm pregnant and hormonal, but you can always slip something like this as an answer: Gosh, you should stop eating your fat enough! Or some other snarky rude comment to make them realise it's none of their business

FWIW, I'm getting the opposite. I'm having boy no. 5 and people ask if I'm still going to "continue to try" to have a girl : No, 5 is a good number and I want to do other things, but I'll never have my tubes tied or let anyone suggest me that it's my last, it is MY decision.

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No, I'm at the other end of the spectrum and people think I'm nuts for having a baby at my late age. I'm 43, and will be 44 when I have this one. It is a surprise, but I know I'll be happy when I get used to the idea. I love babies, it's just very complicated for me when it comes to planning career, retirement and so forth. I can't think of anything more wonderful to mess up my plans about than a baby.

I think it can be really cool to have babies young. I've known a few families that have had two, waited a while, had two more, and perhaps had a third or fourth set. It's neat because they pairs have each other, but they also get a lot of attention because there aren't a lot of little guys all at once.

There are soooo many ways to plan a family, and so many different possible patterns. They all have their upsides and downsides. I think what you are doing sounds wonderful and think you are wise not to make long term plans about family size if you don't want to.

Hugs!

Kiley

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That's exactly what people seem to think. I have two sons. People assume that I'm dying for a daughter this time, or that we're only having #3 as an attempt to get a daughter. I'm sure if this baby is a boy, people will expect us to keep trying one more time for a girl. It's a pretty rude thing to say, IMO.

I *suspect* that this baby is the last for me, girl or boy. While I would love to have the experience of mothering a daughter, and I would be a little bit sad never to have one, that desire had nothing to do with our decision to have a second or third child, and would have no impact on whether or not we stop having children after this pregnancy.

I've continuously had my dad on my case about having more children since my youngest (2nd) was born. "Don't have a third child" is like his personal anthem. He had 4 children with my mom, and 3 with my stepmom, and likes to say "don't have a third child, I did it twice."

Yes, and that's why you should shut up about it thank you so much. When I talked to him shortly after we told everyone I was pregnant, he threw in a "well, I'm just not going to bother giving my opinion out anymore because no one listens."

Finally!

My FIL on the other hand, is constantly asking me when we're not pregnant, when we're going to be having his next grandchild.

It's funny to have both ends of the spectrum...and I'm just glad to know that if we're ever on our 27th child...at least his dad will be happy and excited for us.

Miss Manners has an all-purpose answer for questions like this: "Why would you ask such a personal question?" it works praticularly well for older people like grandparents, who learned social ettiquette as children (as much as they might have chosen to ignore it now that they're elders) and realise that it's the Miss Manners all-purpose response for nosy and unwanted rude questions. Becaue seriously, your fallopian tubes are none of anyone's business!

I also tend to say "Well, for a while..." as an evasive answer. We're planning on waiting 3-4 years for #3, but are open to more kids after that.

Just be honest. Or just look them point blank in the eye and say, "is this your uterus and your vagina? No? oh, then don't worry about it." Usually the word vagina shuts people right up. I get these questions all the time since I'm pregnant with #3. I'm just about ready to just look people in the eye and say "vagina" and watch them squirm.

Oh yeah and I'm 26. So yeah, my first daughter was at 19 and the second at 23 and the next will be shortly before my 27th birthday. Wanna shoot for 4 before 30???????

I have three girls, and am pregnant with #4. The looks and comments I get are ridiculous and rude most of the time. "OMG HOW MANY ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE??" and "You two are like rabbits."

I usually just say in a very serious voice, "We plan to have at least 27, maybe more if theres time."
It leaves them speechless .

Or, with the most serious face, "We're going to have as many as it takes to take over this entire town and populate it with only our genes. Hopefully the rest of you will be eradicated in about 20 years."

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: i want one too!

I'd just say "No, I'm NOT ready to stop having kids bc I love being a mother and if its meant to be, it'll happen. If it happens, it happens! Each baby is special and unique~no matter what the sex"

People piss me off....they need to start thinking and stop assuming! HUGS

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ROFL! Snarky....I love it!!!

Yes, we get comments like that as well. I am thinking that if we get pregnant again in the future, we just won't tell anybody. And when I start showing and people start asking, I think it would be fun to say, "What are you talking about? I'm not pregnant!" Even at 8 months: "Uh, I think I would KNOW if I were pregnant. After all I HAVE been pregnant x times before." Then, after the baby's born, I could say to people, "By golly, I WAS pregnant!"

Hugs, SaraBravo I totally FYP! We started getting that crap as soon as dd was born (from friends, family, and even totally random strangers!). The assumption was that, since we had "one of each" we should now do the "responsible" thing and quit.

My parents had to deal with the same sort of thing (only worse!) because they had my eldest sister, then adopted my elder brother, then had 3 more girls (biological) before my younger (bio) brother was born. After my bro was born, so many people said horrible insensitive things like, "Well, you tried for so long, and now you finally have a boy! Even said those things where my adopted brother (who was about 13 or 14, so easily old enough to understand and be hurt by it) could hear them. It deeply hurt him, and I know it hurt my parents, too.

People are just so RUDE. And nosy. And just totally inappropriate (Toward the end of my pregnancy with dd, an employee at walmart--someone who I had seen several times before, and I tried to be polite and friendly because I always try to be polite and friendly to people, but she was definitely a stranger to me--asked me if I was dilated yet!

Anyway, with strangers, I use the Miss Manners approach. Slightly modified though....I've noticed that if you say "Why would you ask...." then that leaves the person (who is obviously obtuse and boorish to begin with!) an opening to continue. So instead of phrasing it as a question that they might choose to answer, I say "Forgive me for being so surprised. I'm not accustomed to having a stranger ask me such a personal question." Gets the same point across (hopefully) without giving them any room to make things worse.

Can't do that with friend and family though (although it's tempting, LOL!). I try to make sure that close friends and close family understand our beliefs(we do not use birth control, and are open to having a very large family, if God so blesses us), so hopefully they will respect that even if they don't agree or don't understand. If they just don't get it or can't seem to stop themselves from saying something, I try to diffuse it with a gentle, humourous approach. I told dh's gma that of course we wanted more children, because eventually they lose that "new baby smell" and then we'd have to get another one, LOL! I've also been known to say "Well, when you have children as sweet and smart and adorable as ours, why in the world would you want to stop?!" Of course, that only works if they are actually behaving at that moment, LOL!

As for the "don't you know what causes that?" question, there is truly nothing that irritates me more. How very inappropriate! When did it become acceptable to ask such things?? : Sometimes I use the Miss Manners approach and a really icy stare, but my favorite response to use is "Yes, we do. And obviously, we've gotten pretty good at it!"


For me, the main thing is having a response ready--any response, whether snarky, or gentle, or cooly polite. Just having a response in mind, so that I'm not left standing there with my mouth gaping, feeling angry and stupid.

We ought to start a thread for just such responses! It would even make a great sticky, lol!