[coleslaw]

And I knew it would be my mom. Just two days ago (not even 3 weeks after the m/c), after asking how I was doing and me giving my noncomittal "alright", I got the dreaded, "Well, it's time to put this behind you and move on to the future." She has a way of trying to take charge of my emotions anyway, but this one is making me want to scream. We only talk (on the phone or in person) when dd is around, so I didn't want to get inot it with her, and besides she took me off guard since I wasn't even saying anything. It's like she got what she wanted to say off her chest, she' over it, so I should be too so that she doesn't have to worry about me or the situation anymore. I have thought about writing her a note explaining what I am going through and what I will continue to go through, but I remember trying this when I was younger and she chastized me for not having the courage to tell her to her face. So, just thinking out loud, maybe I will have to corner her on Father's Day and let her have it. It's she would want after all, right?

 

[mama2m&m]

: has she ever lost someone? you don't just get over it, especially in such a short period of time. it takes time to grieve and the loss of a baby stays with you forever.

:

 

[babycarrier]

Oh momma!hugs to you!

 

[KarmaChameleon]

Oh coleslaw, I remember those comments well. I got that same remark from my MIL, dh's aunt, and several friends. I miscarried early (around 6 weeks) so I guess that made it less real to others...the baby was very real to me and they made me feel so ashamed to be greiving the way I was, which was internally and none of their business anyways, but whatever.

I am sorry your own mom doesn't understand.

I have to believe that peple are so uncomfortable when confronted with the genuine and serious emotional pain of the ones they care about, they say whatever lets THEM move past it. If I didnt believe this, I would'nt have the empathy to get past this type of comment.

Take good care of yourself, mama.

 

[shannon0218]

So sorry Kerrie.

It takes time, but some people don't understand that.

 

[Mom2baldie]

Im so sorry. People just dont think before they speak.

Even though you said that you had a bad experience doing this before, I think that writing her a note IS a good idea. Even if you decide not to give it to her, at least you will be able to express your feelings...

 

[BoobyJuice]

Oh Keri, I'm so sorry! I've wondering how you're doing. I wish I had advice about your mom but mine is pretty much the same way. Call the gals - go for an impromptu night out; drop your dd off at a playdate so you can have some alone time. Take time; make time if you have to; take care of yourself.

You know where to find me if you need me . . . .

 

[gossamer]

Dear Coleslaw,
I am so sorry your mother was so callous. You have every right to grieve on your timetable, not hers.
Gossamer

 

[gonnabeamom]

Does she tell you to put on a jacket when she is cold?

Oh, Keri I'm so sorry your Mom is being a schmuck. Clearly this is about her comfort, not yours. I would do whatever of the following would make you feel better

a) drop the subject entirely
b) let her have it
c) Write her a note that begins "I know you think that I should do this to your face but this is the only way I can finish what I have to say without having to defend it."

But I would suggest that if you communicate with her you tell her point blank that if she wants what is best for YOU, then she has to let you do what is best for you. And that is let yourself feel what you feel.

Big

 

[coleslaw]

Thanks everyone for your words of support and wisdom. It was a rough weekend with SIL here who is 7 months pg. It hit me harder than I thought, so obviously it is not yet time to put this behind me no matter how much that seems to make sense to those around me.

:

You ladies are great and I can't say it often enough how much being with you all has helped me move through this.