[BlessedEarthMother]

I am 7 weeks pregnant and my DS is turning 2 on Friday. He still nurses to sleep and most of the night. He is pretty high need and I have always been OK with that. Now I am starting to worry about what is going to happen when the baby is born in July. I have been totally committed to Child Led Weaning and letting him CoSleep until he is truly ready to move to his own bed. I still want to let those things take place naturally but I am afraid that he is going to be usurped by the baby before he is ready. He is so used to cuddling up with the ninny to sleep and is showing no signs that he is moving towards weaning. I don't want him to hate the new lo for taking his place. I am worried about how CoSleeping is going to work with both of them in the bed and the newborn needing all of my attention.

I really would like someone who has been through this to tell me that it all worked out naturally for them and not to worry.

I really don't want to start weaning him now before he is ready but I also don't want him to have a shock and be traumatized when the baby arrives.

Someone please help me!

 

[reezley]

Everything will be okay! Not easy... just okay!

July is many months away - that's a long enough time for things to be very different with your 2yo. In case this helps - my ds1 was 2.25 when ds2 was born. And so he went from still a baby to a much more independent little kid in the time I was pregnant. He started out nursing to sleep, nursing a lot - and by the end he was fully weaned and falling asleep to my singing to him softly and lying next to him, and we were starting to have dh do bedtime. Some of the weaning was him less interested because I lost my supply, and some was me having to insist on shorter and shorter nursing at night since it hurt! But he was old enough at that point to be reasoned with. DH's help was what got us through the newborn months. But at least ds1 was doing fine without me being the primary night parent. Ds1 has his own bed now and now he still gets in bed with dh in the middle of the night! I'm still with ds2 in a different bed.

Other people do it other ways, but that's the way that it worked out for us. Good luck - don't worry, you still have lots of time!

 

[jackson'smama]

hugs! i got pregnant with my second ds when oldest ds was just about to turn two. oldest continued to nurse throughout the prenancy as well as cosleep. we have a king size bed, btw and he slept in the middle. after ds2 was born, we put him in a pack n play right next to my side of the bed. i'd put him in bed to nurse and put him back for sleep b/c he didn't wake frequently to nurse as my oldest had. after about a month, he was in the bed fulltime and it was ds2, me, ds1, dh from side to side in the bed. tight, but it worked. our oldest had already talked about having his own bed and bedroom but we hadn't made anything official. he initiated a move when we discussed what type of beds and bedding he might "someday" want. we started in increments and actually moved him without getting all the decor. we didn't want the decor to seem like we were bribing him out of our bed. many nights, dh slept with him or he'd return to our bed around midnight or 1am. he gradually dropped off his nursing very drastically but seemed to still want it at bedtime. he just weaned completely a couple of months ago and he just turned 4 in november. his weaning was mother-urged, but child-decided. by urging, i mean i didn't offer it - he only got it when he asked and my response was "for just a minute". i gradually shortened the duration to where he was content to pop on and off for literally 10 seconds and he'd roll over and go to sleep. it's been replaced with snuggles, stories, and songs at bedtime - he's still very much parented to sleep. dh has taken over much more of getting him to sleep while i nurse ds2 to sleep. but on nights dh works, i can easily get him down sitting next to his bed, nursing ds2, singing, and rubbing ds1's back.
it's been a very gradual, natural feeling transition for us. not to say there wasn't lost sleep and sore backs and boobs, but it was well worth it.
last week, ds1 wasn't feeling too well and i asked him to sleep with me and ds2. he declined - wanting to sleep "in his bed". btw, it's a bottom bunk with awesome transportation bedding!

 

[honeybee]

I think there has to be a balance between the child's needs and the mom's needs, and the needs of the new LO. I nursed my ds1 through my pregnancy with ds2. I took it one day at a time and left the option of doing some kind of weaning open. I never ended up feeling the need to wean at night or otherwise. Part of this was because he was mostly sleeping through the night on his own and even chose to use his own bed in his own room shortly before baby was born. BUT, once baby was born he was waking up at night and insisting on nursing, and would have all-out meltdowns when I explained I would need to nurse ds2 first, and he would get his turn when the baby was done. Dh would end up taking ds1 into the other room and lay with him, but ds1 would just ball. It was very difficult. But we got through it, and ds1 did eventually learn to crawl into bed with us and just fall back to sleep rather than crying and whining until I could nurse him. Would I do things differently with him? I don't know. Night weaning before pg may have been just as difficult, and may not have "stuck" very well once lo was here. It's impossible to say.

When I first got pg with ds3, I ended up with a horrible case of hives. I was miserable and literally could not stand to have ds2 nurse or cuddle up next to me at night. So, dh took ds2 when he woke up. It was not as difficult as I expected it to be, and we chose to stick with it and nightweaned ds2 even after my hives were gone. Now both older boys sleep in a futon next to our bed (ds1, at age 5, has been in and out of our room as he chooses, and now is back full time), and dh also chooses to join them there for the cuddles. Meanwhile, ds3 and I have the king-size bed to ourselves. Ds2 does sometimes wake up in the wee hours and want me or want to nurse. The rule is if it's before morning, he needs to just cuddle up next to me (on the opposite side of baby) and go back to sleep. If it is morning, then I will nurse him if the baby is not nursing, or he has to wait until baby is done.

So, as an experienced tandem (and even triandem) nursing and cosleeping mama, my point is that sleep needs and situations are always changing and it helps to stay flexible and adjust things as necessary. If a sleep situation is not working, then something needs to be changed even if it doesn't entirely measure up to our perfect ideals. I would not feel guilty about imposing limits or even nightweaning if that ends up being necessary. Imposing limits is what allowed me to stay sane and be able to happily continue nursing ds1 through 2 pregnancies, until the age of 5 (I chose to wean him then, but it was a very gradual thing, and he knew it was coming, and while not CLW, was still respectful of his needs).

 

[joyfilledmomma]

I completely agree with honeybee...It's a balance and not always a perfect one, but it will be ok. It may not be exactly what you planned, but it will be ok...so will your kiddos. Dd1 was 20 months old when I found out I was pregnant with#2. When I was 7 months pregnant I started having icky back pain due to constantly rolling in to bad positions to nurse and I was getting no sleep since she's such a wiggle worm.

At this point dh took over putting her to bed on a mattress on the floor while I was out of the room. The first few nights were crappy. She would fuss in his arms for "miksies" for 10-15 minutes before he could rock her to sleep, but after 3 nights she just accepted rocking instead of nursing. Nightweaning was the best decision for us and I'm so glad we did it before baby because she never once associated it with her little sis.

As for tandem nursing in general I would expect your son to start nursing A LOT after baby arrives. I'm in a LLL group for tandem moms and this seems to be very common. It seems like kiddos nurse a bunch and then taper off. Honestly I was insane for 2 months and every day when dh came home I asked him to take dd1 to the park or something, so I could have a break from the constant nursing. Dd1 will be 3 next week and is *almost* weaned except for her morning nursing (I swear it's her "coffee"...she can't go w/o it

So long story short...you'll be okay, so will ds, and baby. Try to find some other mommas who have or who are tandem nursing, so you can have someone to talk to...knowing these mommas IRL has been a sanity saver for me...