[muckemom]

Yesterday was the worst day I've had since I had DS almost a year ago (btw check out my myspace link, I can't belive how much he has grown!!!) Anyway - I've decided something has to give... I was so overwhelmed with his toddler-ness and watching my nephew while my sister went TO GET HER HAIR DONE that when DH came home from work I handed him both babies and got in my car and drove... and drove.... I honestly just thought about never going back. Instead, I realized that I was feeling so crappy because I felt out of control, so I stopped by Whole Paycheck (kidding, I love Whole Foods) and picked up a tooooooon of cleaning supplies, when I got home I deep cleaned the house, and talked with my sister, I told her that I would only watch my nephew for 4 hours a week. She HAS to find another sitter. Its not fair to resent everyday because then MY SON gets the short end of the stick.

Now, my problem is that my sister was crying asking how she was going to work if I wouldn't watch Aidyn *nephew* and now I feel like crap... but I don't understand why she has to work... her hubby makes more than mine does and they pay half the bills that we do... why does she need ot work? I mean, yeah, she may have to not get her hair and nails done every other week but OH WELL!!! While she's getting an effin' pedicure I'm at home wiping HER BABY"S spit up off of my clothes and trying to give quality time to MY SON!!! Grr.r..... I am so mad....

ANY ADVICE????????

 

[Autoemesiss]

wow is she manipulative! Don't put up with it. It is HER choice to work thus HER responiblity to find daycare. NOT yours. Period. You are her employee and you just quit. She can't do a darn thing about it. Frankly, if her employee was quitting/going part time, would she be crying about it to their face? Probably not.

Stick to your guns girl!

Sue

 

[muckemom]

I don't get paid for watching him...

That MIGHT make it a little easier... but I don't want to do it anymore.

:

 

[pumpkin]

It would be nice to give her a couple weeks notice so that she can find alternative care - but you are entirely within your right to quit this 'job' if it isn't working for you.

 

[chefpaige1]

You don't need to give her notice! She can hire a babysitter like the rest of us do! She is a working mom who is taking advantage of a SAHM. You are making sacrifices to not have to work, and you are compromising them for her when she's unwilling to make the same sacrifices. If she's earning money while you're watching her kids, you should be paid part of what she's earning! If she needs time here or there for lunch out or getting her nails done, you can trade time with her or she can pay you!

Stick to your guns!

 

[Kidzaplenty]

I agree, if it is too much, STOP!

On the other hand, I agree with giving her SOME notice. It is difficult to find a new caregiver overnight. But even then, if you really can not handle it don't worry about it. If you choose to give her a few days or a week to find someone else (and make sure you set a specific date to terminate your caregiving) you will probably not feel so stressed, even with her child there. Because you will know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Either way, YOUR faimly comes first!

 

[eightyferrettoes]

Definitely quit, or at least demand fair payment for your time from here on out, even if it's just for another few weeks while she looks for an alternate caregiver.

You don't have to understand why she's working, and she doesn't have to understand why you're staying at home, but there is no reason for her to expect a free ride for childcare just because you're her sister and you're home.

And, if you're going to do 4 free hours a week, I think it's also reasonable to expect that she return the favor and watch YOUR son 4 hours a week.

How'd this all get started in the first place, mama?

 

[MysteryMama]

it's not fair to you or your son to continue watching your nephew. it's obviously taking a toll, and if the situation is as you say (her dh makes plenty and they have less bills than you) then there is NO reason for you to feel guilty for refusing to watch him any longer.

 

[muckemom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by eightyferrettoes Definitely quit, or at least demand fair payment for your time from here on out, even if it's just for another few weeks while she looks for an alternate caregiver. You don't have to understand why she's working, and she doesn't have to understand why you're staying at home, but there is no reason for her to expect a free ride for childcare just because you're her sister and you're home. And, if you're going to do 4 free hours a week, I think it's also reasonable to expect that she return the favor and watch YOUR son 4 hours a week. How'd this all get started in the first place, mama?

She's 18, was 17 when my nephew was born, her hubby is Marine, I told he that I could watch my nephew during the day, if she would watch DS while I was studying at night... well, it quickly turned into me watching nephew ALL THE TIME.... and her NEVER watching DS... so I dropped out of school because I couldn't study very often. Anyway - I started it with the best intentions but... like PP said, MY family comes first.

 

[Mama Poot]

Quote:

Originally Posted by muckemom ANY ADVICE????????

Yeah- stop watching her kid and make her take responsibility for him. Putting yourself under that much stress just to help her out is NOT worth compromising quality time with your OWN child, sorry. IMO I think its kind of ridiculous that she is working even though her dh like you said, has a good job and they don't appear to be struggling. So she drops her son with you and gets a pedicure....how often is she doing frivolous things like this? Sounds like someone works to pay for pretty feet, or hair, or whatever. People like that really get on my nerves....anyway tell her to find someone else.

 

[Hayes]

It's not up to you whether or not she works. It is up to you whther or not you watch her child. You said no. She makes the rest of the decisions. Give her a final date that you will watch him, 2 wks, 3 wks, and then tell her she must make alternate arrangements.

Hgus mama.

 

[ellesmama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by muckemom Yesterday was the worst day I've had since I had DS almost a year ago (btw check out my myspace link, I can't belive how much he has grown!!!) Anyway - I've decided something has to give... I was so overwhelmed with his toddler-ness and watching my nephew while my sister went TO GET HER HAIR DONE that when DH came home from work I handed him both babies and got in my car and drove... and drove.... I honestly just thought about never going back. Instead, I realized that I was feeling so crappy because I felt out of control, so I stopped by Whole Paycheck (kidding, I love Whole Foods) and picked up a tooooooon of cleaning supplies, when I got home I deep cleaned the house, and talked with my sister, I told her that I would only watch my nephew for 4 hours a week. She HAS to find another sitter. Its not fair to resent everyday because then MY SON gets the short end of the stick. Now, my problem is that my sister was crying asking how she was going to work if I wouldn't watch Aidyn *nephew* and now I feel like crap... but I don't understand why she has to work... her hubby makes more than mine does and they pay half the bills that we do... why does she need ot work? I mean, yeah, she may have to not get her hair and nails done every other week but OH WELL!!! While she's getting an effin' pedicure I'm at home wiping HER BABY"S spit up off of my clothes and trying to give quality time to MY SON!!! Grr.r..... I am so mad.... ANY ADVICE????????

OMG!!!! I have BTDT!

:

:

:

I have been watching a friend's 2.5 yo everyday and have been COMPLETELY overwhemeled and I feel bad every day, this is not how I wanted to mother my own dd. Like you said, she is getting the short end of the stick. So, I told them 6 weeks ago now, that I CANNOT, literally, CANNOT do it anymore. (but not in those words, I was very polite.) Anyway, the mom started CRYING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then she called me that night and talked/sobbed to me for 30min. Then when she came in the morning she started BALLING again, in front of all the kids! Then her dd started crying, it was a disaster, and I was getting mad.

Anyway, I agree, it is totally manipulative. This is not your issue, even though she is your sister. You are a mom now, your loyalties are with your own dc. PERIOD!!!!!!!!! Do not feel guilty, you should not even offer to watch your nephew those few hours a week, IMO.

I back you up 100%. You did the right thing. It's OK if its hard and you feel bad for a day or two. Then move on. You are a great mom and your dc needs you back.

(BTW, I still have 2 more weeks of watching her, HELP)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[muckemom]

Well this morning was the final straw..

My sis has 1 week to fnd a new sitter... my DS was playing with my nephew and DH asked DS to point to Connor (which is his name) so DS did, and I asked DS, "Where's mamma's boy?" and he pointed to my nephew.

and said "Den Den" which is his name for "Aidyn"

 

[ellesmama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by muckemom Well this morning was the final straw.. My sis has 1 week to fnd a new sitter... my DS was playing with my nephew and DH asked DS to point to Connor (which is his name) so DS did, and I asked DS, "Where's mamma's boy?" and he pointed to my nephew. and said "Den Den" which is his name for "Aidyn"

You gotta do what you gotta do!

 

[vermonttaylors]

Your sister is manipulating you and you need to do what is best for your family! You sound like an awesome, loving mama. She can find another babysitter, she just might have to pay them. Which, in my opinion, she should have been doing for you, either monetarily or "in kind."

Good luck. Families can be tough at times.

 

[janerose]

Yes, your sister is definitly being manipulative. Also, since she's young maybe a bit immature? (Sorry, not trying to generalize here...my DH was 17 when we started dating & 19 when we married so I'm well aware there are mature 18 yo out there...your sister just doesn't sound like one....

)

Anyway, my Gram watched DB & me while my Mom worked FT and Mom *always* paid her. In fact, each time my Mom got a raise my Gram got a raise. It's ridiculous to expect you to sacrafice your own family's quality of life & get NOTHING in return. Frankly, the next time your sis breaks out the crying stuff I'd just say "Look, I respect that it's your decision to work despite the fact that you guys make more than we do and have fewer bills, but it's NOT my responsibility to watch your kid for free. You havn't even held up your end of the deal with swapping childcare. I had to drop out of school because of that. Maybe you don't ever think about the impact all this has on MY family but I do and I'm giving you __________ notice to find someone else." But then again, I'll freely admit I'm a bit** about stuff like that.

Oh, and my DB is in the Marines too. He's a pretty low rank, but even at that between his pay, benefits, & housing allowance he makes at least as much as my DH does working FT. Maybe there is some sort of childcare option they can use on the base?

Good luck!

Holly

 

[mightymoo]

you are well within your right. If this was a situation where she needed to work and couldn't afford childcare, I could understand family helping her out by taking care of her child so she could earn enough money to get by. But, if her DH makes more than yours does, she can certainly afford to either stay home or pay for childcare.