[mamaduck]

I read all the vents here about spouses, and I realize that I have it pretty darn good with my dh who participates in childcare 100% whenever he is home, supports us financially, supports me being home fulltime, and *never* plays electronic games of any sort!!

BUT, he doesn't do housework. None at all. This is beginning to take a toll on me. I am fine with the responsibilty of all the heavy cleaning and laundry. Thats cool -- he's a busy man and wants to use his time at home to be with his kids, and I respect that. And he does the yard work. But I really feel like he could pick up after himself, and not "trash" the work that I do around the house.

For example, last night I cooked 4 different variations of dinner to meet everyone's individual preferences. I do this fairly often -- dh is a veterian, I am not, our 3 old is fussy about what he eats, and so on. So I do a lot of cooking! And then I packed lunches. And then I loaded the dishwasher, scrubbed the pots and pans, and swept the kitchen floor. Then I went to my aerobics class.

Ds was up half the night coughing and I cared for him all night. I got precious little sleep. I wake up this morning, staggering through the house getting ready to take ds to school.... and everything needs attention. I wasn't even here to contribute to any of this.... the sink is overflowing with dishes (where did they come from???) One of the kids peed their sheets last night. People left their shoes all over the livingroom.... people tracked crud through the kitchen, husband's clothes are on the floor in the bedroom, the bathroom is generally wet and dishevelled....

When I talk to him about it, he says "Leave it and I'll clean it up later." But how can I get through my day and fix meals etc. if our sink is filled with dirty dishes? I need room to work. I spend my day in the house, and I need it to be a friendly space to be.

Argh. I know its a common problem. I just needed to vent. I'm just getting weary and feeling unappreciated I guess. I thought we were a team -- but I don't feel respected when adults in the house don't pick up after themselves.

 

[Liz]

My dh does not clean up after himself either. He will clean on weekends but won't lift a finger day to day. It's like he can't multi task at all. I admit I am a bit of an obsessive multi tasker (will leave half the bed unmade until I have another reason to walk over to that side of the room

: then forget) but he will step over a basket of clean laundry to go upstairs! He takes the toys out of the bath tub and puts them on the floor rather than in the toy bin right next to the tub.

I'm not helping, am I? Well, I don't think you can teach an old dog new tricks so you have to work with his current tricks. My dh washes the dishes while I put the kid to bed. My dh washes the dark laundry and I wash all the rest. On weekends I'll give him a choice of taking ds to the playground or vacuuming. Maybe if you ask him to do specific things he will pick up some slack. When I present it as "these two things need to get down, which one do you want to do?" he usually goes for it.

 

[manitoba_mommy]

Quote:

Originally posted by Liz Maybe if you ask him to do specific things he will pick up some slack. When I present it as "these two things need to get down, which one do you want to do?" he usually goes for it.

This is like what my DH said when I blew up at him just after Sam was born. He said that he works best with a list or options and a timeline. For instance if I say "can you please pick up your socks?" there is no way he will do it. If I tell him that each night before bed he has to look and see if his socks are on the floor he actualy remembers. Don't ask me why but that is how he works.

Another thing that works with my DH is the check list. If I have a list of things that I need him to do I write it out for him instead of telling him and then he will remember to do the stuff and not get sidetracked.

Other then that my only suggestion is to stop cooking three meals! If he wants to differ from you and ds he should eaither make it himself or help you bulk cook and freeze on his day off. Your primary job is the children him getting a clean house and diner cooked is a fringe benifit of you staying home NOT a direct result of IMNSHO.

Hth.

MM

 

[mamaduck]

This is very weird. Oddly, my husband left the kitchen AND the bathroom spottless this morning, down to the last detail, and he made me coffee!

 

[Dragonfly]

Quote:

Originally posted by mamaduck This is very weird. Oddly, my husband left the kitchen AND the bathroom spottless this morning, down to the last detail, and he made me coffee!

:LOL Maybe he read your post, mamaduck?

Glad he helped you out!

 

[Marlena]

While I do more of the housework than dh by far (we both work outside the house), the one thing I absolutely will not do for him is pick up after him, clean up his messes, put the stuff he uses away, etc. He knows that he needs to clean up after himself at the time the mess occurs, or as reasonably soon thereafter as possible. Anything less is disrespectful, IMO. Neither of us is the other's maid.