Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 34 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,882 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We are unschooling. So, it's not like I can burn out on that. It's just being w/my 8 yo all day, almost every day. He is very intense, beyond the "highly spirited" child. I have no $ to put him in any sports programs or anything like that. He is not motivated to really do anything like that anyway. He usually plays with friends in the neighborhood everyday but even that break from him isn't enough. Also, the fighting he does w/5 yo dd is so frustrating. I also have a soon to be 3 yo. I'm not sure what to do. Sometimes I am just so tempted to have a free place to put him all day, almost everyday.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,264 Posts
hi, I think we all have those times with our kids.

It's possible that sending him to school will relieve your problem, but I think in most cases, we'd just have new and different problems *because of* school, and before and after school...

You could probably get some good suggestions here (or in the gentle discipline forum) for the fighting and challenges to your general household harmony. It sounds like what you'd really like is to KEEP homeschooling but have better days?

 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
12,839 Posts
Maybe a summer day camp through parks dept.? Some HSers I know do those. I'm not sure how expensive they are, but some might have scholarships.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
380 Posts
I have a spirited older ds too and I sometimes wonder if I should think of school. we all have our days...My ds is 10 now but one activity that keeps him so busy is Cubscouts. He absolutely LOVES it. The boyish things they do and his friends, not to mention Cubscout Camp. It is really cheap to get into and there are many homeschool cubscout packs or you just put him in a pack with a school or if you are with a church. You have a book to buy and uniform, but you can get those used or from within the pack many times. Check to see if there is a homeschool gym day somewhere. There are places here you can rent out a gym and families will pitch in together and do that. Especially good for active boys!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,419 Posts
My thought is that if you want to quit, it is probably time to change something. That may be as little as making sure you have more breaks, that you build time for something else you enjoy in the day to taking a weekend off, to being clear that everyone in the family is doing their part in terms of housework, that you are having fun as a family, that your son needs more help setting some goals, etc.

Can you think of any change you could make that might make next week more enjoyable for you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,555 Posts
Do you have another homeschool mom that you can trade days with? Maybe you can watch her little ones for four hours once a week and then she could do the same for you?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,487 Posts
Is there any type of homeschool program in your area? Here I found one that will take the kids one day a week and do art, gym, science experiments, etc... and it gives the kids time to socialize in a group setting and a break for mom. If not then maybe trading with another hs mom like the pp said. Or some kind of low cost activity at your rec center for a few hrs a week? As much as I love my children and am excited to get to spend so much time with them I am sure it can be overwhelming at times. Everyone needs a break sometimes. I think for me having one day or even half a day per week to myself would make all the difference in the world.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,882 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I am already gone all day every Saturday at work. DH and I split up the kids when we run errands so I can get an extra break from whoever I'm needing a break from. Sometimes I just take off by myself for a break. He usually does spend hours playing outside and at friend's houses in the neighborhood every day. One of my friends and neighbors is a homeschool mom and it does help...but not enough. We have a huge homeschool group where we live. Everything costs $ though and...I already have a lot of friends and hate the feeling of forced friendships. I really haven't connected with any of the parents at the activities we have done. It feels fake when we are talking. I did make one friend and we'd hang out w/our kids but then I think they either moved or stopped homeschooling. They are no where to be found.

I do realize school is also work. He was in Kindergarden for almost 8 months before I pulled him out to homeschool. I hated all the driving around and they had required volunteer hours and activities every week. It was too much with a toddler and newborn and I really didn't like it. Now though it is just so tempting when I think of just sending him to the school down the street. He'd be there all day. I'd only volunteer when I had the time.

The thing is, he doesn't want to go to school at all. He's very against it. I do think it would ruin his natural love of learning and that it would bring all kinds of issues. Then it would also open up the door or dd going to school (who actually wants to but I don't want to!
).

I think the real thing I want is money. Lots and lots of money. It truly equals freedom. I could take better care of myself and give the kids more options. If anyone has any money tree seeds please mail them to me. I'll pay shipping.


Thanks for the support mamas.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
456 Posts
I agree that it sounds like you need to make some sort of change - to break up the monotony - and also encourage you to try a homeschool group.

I have a strong-willed child and I can't say enough for rhythm through the day. He likes knowing our routine and there's less to fight about. I also keep him very busy with active play and active schoolwork.

I can only share what works for us. Maybe think of some ice-breakers that appeal to him. You can do these with low budget and even while unschooling.

* We sometimes make obstacle courses out of "stuff" and he loves to run through them - It isn't a competition and I wouldn't time him unless asked. Make up a story with the course and it becomes an adventure!

You can lay down hurdles (or small boxes from the garage if you have none), you can build "mountains" to climb (like climbing up a small slide and down the steps), you can have them go through tunnels of sheets strung between trees, etc.

For stories, just relate them to something he is interested in, like rescuing someone (place a small figure at the end of the course)

Oh, and the paper "crocodile" and a hanging rope (with a knot or two) make a great opportunity for swinging Tarzan-style over the dangerous "waters."

Also, I would make math and almost anything academic you do involve movement, ball-bouncing and anything else he enjoys.

Another almost-freebie is long-jumping. Generally, dirt and moving are very calming to my own son. Try bike races, building projects - Lowes and Home Depot have free Saturday classes - hammering is very therapeutic for my own son, etc.

Best wishes,

Lucie
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,447 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaAllNatural
I think the real thing I want is money. Lots and lots of money. It truly equals freedom.
Yes, unfortunately that is true.

After you plant your money tree, would you send me a cutting? You can send it COD.

Namaste!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,896 Posts
have you cosidered trying mroe structure to your days? Some kids realy do crave more parental structuire and control. if what you are doing isn't working try the opposite.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,362 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaAllNatural

I think the real thing I want is money. Lots and lots of money. It truly equals freedom. I could take better care of myself and give the kids more options.
Unfortunatly that is true and I 100% understand. I don't even have health insurance because we have no money. When I get sick, I just have to suffer basically. Thankfully I rarely get sick


Have you thought about maybe getting a part time job to kinda do something for yourself and to get away from the kids and to earn a couple extra bucks? I work part time and also go to school full time (since I'm poor I get Pell grant and take out student loans). I HAVE to do something for ME or I couldn't survive.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
666 Posts
What about getting him a mother's helper gig to get him out of the house? I bet he could play with and read to a toddler with mom around. And he could make a little money for himself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,190 Posts
My oldest isn't 8, so I don't have a good feel for what that age is like, but could you explain to him that you need to change something so that there is less fighting and you have a more peaceful home (or whatever it is that you need from him) and see what suggestions he has?

Since he doesn't want to go to school, he ought to be a little motivated to making homeschooling work.

ZM
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,882 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Lilyka, you're right. However, that hasn't worked for him in the past and has ended up causing more issues. That's why I'm doing it this way...and it still isn't working (enough) for me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by marilynmama
Have you thought about maybe getting a part time job to kinda do something for yourself and to get away from the kids and to earn a couple extra bucks?
Like I mentioned above, I already do work part time. But I don't think I should have to leave my baby too (well, he's 2.5 but still a baby to me) just because I want to get away from my 8 yo, kwim? That doesn't seem fair to the baby or me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by urklemama
What about getting him a mother's helper gig to get him out of the house? I bet he could play with and read to a toddler with mom around. And he could make a little money for himself.
That's a great idea. For many reasons I'm not sure if it would work though. He does indeed *love* earning money and he can be very mature and responsible about it. Something along these lines would be nice.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zeldamamma
My oldest isn't 8, so I don't have a good feel for what that age is like, but could you explain to him that you need to change something so that there is less fighting and you have a more peaceful home (or whatever it is that you need from him) and see what suggestions he has?

Since he doesn't want to go to school, he ought to be a little motivated to making homeschooling work.
You're absolutely right. And I have. I have said straight up that this isn't working for me. Something needs to change. He 100% disengages whenever anyone tries to talk to him about anything of any importance or seriousness, no matter how lightly you go about it.

I've put off mentioning this because I feel that most people will not understand at all (which is even harder on me than just dealing w/my kid). He is not "highly spirited." He is way beyond that. If you ever get a chance to read a book called "The Highly Explosive Child" that is what he is like. I have been struggling w/this kid since birth. It's the reason I put him in regular school. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle being with him so much. So, now here we are. There are definitely good moments. I just can't handle the bad ones. I'm beyond burnt out at this point, just in general.

Thanks again for all the responses. I must say I'm a little dissapointed to have had almost no unschoolers respond w/any support or advice. Pretty disillusioning.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,264 Posts
At this point I have no idea if I'm an unschooler or not, but I have read the explosive child. I have one who prompted THAT lovely book purchase, and it is a great book, but the point is, that is a very hard personality type to live with. Do you have a break from each other built into each day? I forget if this was already mentioned.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,882 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Oh, and by the above I didn't mean at all that I only want unschoolers to respond. I just thought that unschooling mamas would have eachother's back. Looks like for the most part I thought wrong.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,845 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaAllNatural
Oh, and by the above I didn't mean at all that I only want unschoolers to respond. I just thought that unschooling mamas would have eachother's back. Looks like for the most part I thought wrong.
Well, I have been following this thread and feeling for you but I haven't had anything to post that seemed helpful. I wanted to come up with some wonderful solution but I'm stumped, too
I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time with your son. Honestly, you don't sound very receptive to some of the ideas that have been mentioned, not in a stubborn way but in a kind of hopeless way. I feel frustrated for you, too. I am with my two girls 24/7 and I have at least some idea of how drained you may be feeling.
:

I agree, money may not be able to buy love, but at least we could buy what we need!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,623 Posts
I'm probably not qualified to answer this, but I do have a couple of ideas I wanted to share. My son is 5. He is definitely spirited, but probably not to the extent that your son is (at least not anymore). And it must be soooo frustrating to not be able to talk to him about anything serious. My son shuts me out sometimes, but not every time. I have found talking to him about things to be very helpful at times (when he's in the right space to listen). I can't imagine how difficult it would be if I couldn't do that.


My first thought is this. I find that when I am being driven crazy by ds that it helps to do an activity that we enjoy doing together. It helps me to feel better about him, and he feels like he's had my attention (which he wants a lot of the time). Of course, sometimes it blows up in my face and he irritates me the whole time, but much of the time it works.

My second thought (and forgive me if I'm mentioning something that you've already thought of or tried) is, have you looked at his diet and tried changing that. *Sometimes* that can make a difference. Ds was totally out of control, violent, explosive, as you said, etc., and we discovered he is gluten intolerant (probably celiac, but we chose not to put him through the testing), as well as dairy intolerant. It made all the difference. It has taken a few months to see the full effect (and who knows if we're done seeing change yet), but we saw an immediate change. And he is still spirited, but it's easier for me to handle most days. For you it may not be gluten, it may be something else (although gluten is a good place to start). And there's also the Feingold diet, which works for a lot of folks. When I read about all the symptoms it can treat, I was very disappointed that we already were basically following the diet and it wouldn't be something that would help (although things would probably be worse if we weren't eating that way). But then we found gluten. Anyway, just a thought.

Hope you can find a solution that works for your family.

Christie
 
1 - 20 of 34 Posts
Top