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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
About an hour ago dd9 came to me and wanted me to check over some algebra equations she had written. At first glance one of the three appeared correct, one appeared to have a simple recording error and the third was confusing. I told dd this and she proceded to show tell me that no, she was correct and why. Sure enough her reasoning was correct but the way she'd written it out wasn't. By the end of our discussion with me trying to explain to her how it should be written out to make it more easily understood by others we were both frustrated. She came to me and wanted my confirmation that she'd done the work correctly I explained that if this way works for her that's fine but that she can't expect others to understand her method and I won't be able to just check her work without explanation from her.<br><br>
Now, more than an hour later the exchange doesn't sit well with me and I fear I missed an opportunity to help her understand something simply because I was trying to 'teach' her instead of helping her learn. She was frustrated as she was putting her manipulatives away and I got the feeling she wouldn't be getting them back out for a while and worse that she no longer felt competent or confident to do the work. Not my finest mama moment.<br><br>
Never one to dwell on being perfect but instead on learning from my mistakes I wanted to pose the question: How SHOULD I have approached this situation?
 

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What has worked most consistently with my eldest (almost 11) is to not say that he got something wrong but rather to ask him to 'walk me through the process.'<br><br>
Most of the time he sees his mistake when he takes me through the steps, which makes correction unnecessary. Other times he doesn't and I will start there by telling him I don't understand.<br><br>
BTW, no time machine needed...just apologize, if you feel led to, and chat with her about how she'd prefer you respond when she asks next time. That way you'll better understand what she's wanting from you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thank you Mary. It's easy to see in hindsight that you are right, having her take me through her process and showing my genuine confusion would have been so much better than simply telling her she was wrong.<br><br>
And thanks for the reminder that although there are no do-overs apologies are powerful. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Thank you joy_seeker and mary3mama for this genuine and insightful exchange. I love learning by example and shall file this one away for future use!
 

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You are most welcome.<br><br>
I have learned so much here at MDC over the years...happy to pass it along. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mary3mama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15460577"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What has worked most consistently with my eldest (almost 11) is to not say that he got something wrong but rather to ask him to 'walk me through the process.'<br></div>
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Yes. One thing I read, which for some reason comforts me, is that people learn more through mistakes. So, when my child says something I think might be incorrect, first I think about if it's worth correcting, and if it is, then I don't even hint at it, but do say something similar to the above, "Walk me through . . ."<br><br>
To the OP-- when you're done with the machine, may I borrow it? So much I'd like to undo!!!
 
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