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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This link was shared with me in the light of a mother with no "control" of her child.... what I saw was a child who was hurt from years of suppressed thoughts and feelings. It was evident by him striking his mother to get her to stop interrupting him..... that the mother must have done that to him in the past to achieve the same result. The fact that he has to constantly yell to communicate with her is also telling....None of us are perfect and I am not attempting to attack that mother but it has given me reason to pause and reflect on why GD is such an important part of parenting.<br><br>
Though I consider my views toward GD "middle of the road" with my toddler I really can see how this young boy would have benefited from a home that was open to CL.<br><br>
See the link and share your thoughts.<br><br><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn18H3FKDV4" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn18H3FKDV4</a>
 
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I watched it and I agree. I really feel for the little boy. It just seems like he wants to be listened to.
 
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Only seeing that one glimpse into their lives, it's really hard to say tha tthe boy was acting out due to years of being interrupted. I wish I had seen the whole episode.<br><br>
Either way, I do feel bad for that boy and the family. But if my child struck me across the face like that I probably would have walked out of the room. The boy says later on the tape that he "lightly" struck his mom. I disagree. He hit her hard.<br><br>
Seems like a really sad homelife <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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with out knowing them personally i don't really think i can say why or how they got like this. they both seemed really sad, and i felt bad for them both.
 

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It was hard to watch.<br><br>
I feel that the mother is invested in being right and having control over her son, and that the son is struggling for some independence and attention. I felt bad watching his breathing, seeing how intense he feels... she didn't seem to recognize at all that he was feeling emotional and tense, or she didn't care. She seemed more invested in getting her way and winning the argument than in relating to her child.<br><br>
I felt so bad for him when he said he tries and apologized and she keeps coming after him with negativity. I think the mother has a negative outlook and her son gets nothing positive from her and I think that's terribly out of balance and sad. I blame her for not creating a more positive outlook and environment for both of them. She seems fixated on getting her way and correcting him. I didn't see anything positive or loving from her, but I saw him wanting her love.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>glendora</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11529924"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Dr. Phil is, um, not my favorite person. That show is so exploitative, that I'm not sure that you can really tell anything from clips of it.</div>
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I agree that I do not like Dr. Phil and honestly I never watch his show. While we cannot tell an entire story from the clip I can say it seems the boy is really longing to be heard.... but I guess they could be "actors" like reality TV or that the boy was "coached" by the staff of the Dr. Phil show for ratings... who knows.....<br><br>
But the clip made me sad and was hard to watch.
 

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I think there is plenty of blame to go around. I don't agree with what that child did, but he was obviously very, very upset.<br><br>
I hope they get the help they need.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">But if my child struck me across the face like that I probably would have walked out of the room.</td>
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ITA, but I think she should have done so before it escalated to that level. the conversation itself was inappropriate- she was defending herself from physically hurting him, and he was, understandably from a child's point of view, desperately trying to get her to admit that she was wrong to harm him.<br><br>
just proves the point that physical aggression towards a child breeds more physical aggression.
 
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I think if you find the link to the clip of the same name and has (full) after it, you can click on more movies by that person and see from parts 11-13(and part 16), you will see that the mom lost her older child and hasn't let her go and will not accept that it had an effect on her little one, and that he is in mourning and has never cried about the lost of his (apparently PERECT) big sister, whose shoes he will never be able to fill -- apparently mom and olivia bad this amazing relationship (no mention of her relationship with noah).<br>
Also, mom "does not recall" a lot of "these events" of which noah speaks.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: but won't say that they didn't happen...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br>
in part 16, the parents do a sort of releasing ceremony for olivia and in the after clips, she spends all the time saying how sorry she is for olivia and then in the last second or so, she says "and noah"... I hope this poor little guy gets some grief counseling, because he clearly needs it, and mom could use some parenting classes, grief counseling, and intensive family therapy.
 

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This is the only Dr. Phil show we've watched as a family. We saw three installments of the "Brat House" before we couldn't watch anymore, as the adults' reactions to the children was heartbreaking - especially Dr. Phil's. Even the 9yo made a comment along the lines of "if you treated me like that I would want to hit you, too" when this poor child did this.<br><br>
After three episodes, nothing was addressed. The parents were taught how to better control but no emphasis on listening, caring, or teaching. They all had strong, articulate children and none of them seemed to care more than getting them to do what they want. Ugh.
 

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The things that boy was saying really hit home for me. I don't know how many times I wanted to slap my parents back and be able to really hurt them the way they hurt me so they would know how it felt. Of course, I don't think that would have made a difference, because hurting me was the whole point. I wanted so desperately for them to understand that I was in pain and the way they were treating me and ignoring me and always telling me to shut up made me hurt in so many ways. That's what I keep hearing him say - "How does that make you feel?" - over and over again. I feel for that boy and I hope he finds healing.
 

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When he hit her and said "how does it feel?" she did not looked shocked at all. She looked angry and embarrassed. She looked like "Oh crap, now everyone knows how i act off tv, i'm gonna strangle him for this" to me. He was very distressed, i thought the whole concept of putting that on television was an abuse.<br><br>
I'm in the UK and don't watch this sort of show, ever, but this clip made me glad for that! It was especially sad to me because of his age - it seems like he has just begun to realise that slapping someone and saying "shut up" is NOT the normal way to deal with another human and he's mad as heck for all he's been through in that vein. I also think it's telling that he said quite pertinent things, like he's not a dog, like she's allowed to hit him but won't listen to him, but he STILL decided to hit her on camera. I bet he felt safer in trying to make his point with that camera man there. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
It also made me glad of my decision not to smack. I'll bet you she's hit him and said "stop moaning it was only a tap" - that's why he feels the hard slap he gave her was only a tap, because it seems that what you say it was AFTER you did it is more relevant than the truth - she hits him, hard, then denies it's a big deal. He is too young to be sophisticated enough to realise the camera will tell the real truth. It is as a PP said - she seems more interested in being "right" than his feelings. If i were her i'd be scared. He's a big boy already. Another year or two he'll be able to knock her flat and he won't be scared of her anymore.<br><br>
Anyway, much easier to say "no hitting, however hard, ever" and be done, than have differently structured layers of pain people who are meant to love and respect one another are "allowed" to inflict upon each another.
 

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This little boy reminds me of my cousin, whenever he tried to get attention from his mother in the form of affection, she would literally kick him away. Thank heavens, my nanny at the age of 67 took him and his brother in and raised them <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><br><br>
Just the name of the show, "Brat Camp" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"> Now I know why I don't watch Dr. Phil <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
I admit I only watched this clip, but it agrees with my favorite saying, in that children are our mirrors and mimic only what they hear and see.
 

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It is also sad to look at some of the comments below. I know most commenters are probably teens, but they all side with the mother and say rude things about the son. I am not around children of his age usually but he seemed very articulate and insightful. He could explain his feelings very well, but the mother never listened. It must be so frustrating for him.
 
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I watched the rest of the Dr. Phil episode and the following episode. I got roped in because my three year old has hit me before and I struggle to find ways to correct his behavior. My default method of dealing with mistreatment is to leave, but you can't do that when the person mistreating you is your child. I think the mom and son in this video feel similarly. He wants to leave her and she wants to leave him. Instead they have some difficult things to work out...<br><br>
It seems to me that the young man feels victimized--I suspect because he lost his sister. I believe he blames his mother for his sisters death even though I'm sure he knows it's not her fault. He's too young to understand that unfair things just happen sometimes and it seems as though he just needs someone to blame. I also think he's the type of personality that's more apt to feeling like a victim. His mother is the same way.<br><br>
The way that the mom claims to have no recollection of the aggression her son accuses her of tells me that these things likely happened. While I concede that any aggression toward a child is wrong, I personally would not accuse her of child abuse. However, her outbursts are only going to feed into his victim mindset and give him more reason to blame her.<br><br>
I think following Dr. Phil's advice in this case is going to be nonconstructive, possibly even damaging, for this family. When Dr. Phil said if he'd been in the room when the boy slapped his mother, he would have yanked him up out of the chair so fast, what Dr. Phil is really saying is, if he treated me that way, I would do something drastic enough to get him to fear me. That sort of response is probably what brought about this mom's aggression in the first place. Instead, I think the mom needs to work on developing rapport with her son. If he's into computer games, maybe they could get a nintendo Wii and find a game they'd both enjoy. She needs to let the behavior roll of her back work hard to establish some kind of connection. Then as their connection grows and he feels confident being vulnerable with her, he will be able to talk about the pain of losing his sister. The mother also needs to find time and ways to deal with her own grief. If she cant do that while dealing with her son, I honestly think it would be best for her to have him stay with someone else that she trusts for a time.
 

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This is one portion of the "Brat Camp" series in which Dr. Phil says some things that aren't garbage...<br><br><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MF_dOahVGFA" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MF_dOahVGFA</a>
 

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we don't have television for this reason exactly.<br><br>
although i have to admit that i did watch many of the episodes on youtube.<br><br>
the kid definitely hit his mother...i'm sure the mother has hit him in the past...but i'm not feeling totally good feelings from that kid either. i think he probably did exaggerate the force with which his mom hit him, but not that it happened. i imagine her being very passive aggressive. Saying move, and pushing, nudging hard, elbowing and snatching.<br><br>
all bad behavior...<br><br>
but probably (IMO) something that started after the death of her dd.<br><br>
they all need <i>real</i> counseling.<br><br>
it's funny but i don't think some of the people on there bought dr. phil's BS. At one point they ask Dr. Phil, well what do we do? And he gets all huffy like "What do you do? what do you do? I've wasted my time here!"<br><br>
But in reality I didn't hear him offer any information that was valuable either. he spent so much time focusing on the slap and not what he would have done to prevent the slap. he talked for a moment about establishing harmony and having the parents take a step back and examining their parenting techniques...but overall very unhelpful.
 
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