[Matushek]

We're having serious problems with one of our children and don't know where to turn. He's 6 years old and he chronically wets the bed, he's really picky. He is constantly knocking all the glasses over with the drinks inside then licks it once it's spilled. We give him constant juice bottles with tops (toddler cups), that are big and can hold the amount of juice he likes, and yet he still knocks them over trying with an expectation for them to spill.

So many times when we are typing he presses enter/space/or other random buttons, and then when we turn to him he runs away and then runs back and hits it again, then he runs away again.

He opens up any of the candy bars we buy and eats piece of it but leaves it and the candy lying around on the tables and when we confront him on it he says that he didn't want to eat it all because he wanted to leave some for us, despite the fact that we have told him that if he's going to open the candy bar and eat some he might as well eat the whole thing, or close it back up and to put it back away. Then he gets really emotional and starts crying and we don't know how to respond so we just leave it, and these are just some of the more extreme behavioural problems.

I don't understand we give him plenty of attention, we discipline without violence, I don't understand what we are doing wrong. Right now he is sleeping he is such an angel when he is sleeping or tired. He has his peaceful moments where he justs wants to sit in our lap, or he just wants to play. He is our little boy and though he can be tough there is so much sweetness, playfulness and love in his heart, I am just scared/worried something is wrong.

I mean this wasn't an issue always. I mean I guess it started out small and just kept growing and growing until it's become intolerable. Any suggestions?

 

[NiteNicole]

I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions for the bigger picture, but for those specific things I'd just go back to very basic food rules - all drinks at the table, no free access to candy. As for the computer - no touching the keyboard when someone else is using it (that sounds like he's trying to play a game or engage you, so maybe you can do what we do - the computer is out of sight and sometimes I just wait to use it until she's asleep or deeply involved in something else).

My daughter is only three but we're around other kids often and I was a nanny for years. I've always ALWAYS had an "all food at the table rule" because it's just easier and to me, a pretty good habit.

 

[snoopy5386]

Is he in school? Can they do an evaluation of him there?

 

[Matushek]

No he isn't in school because we have chosen to homeschool him. Do you think something might be wrong with him? That scares me, I've been thinking about it...I can't tell if it's something that we did, or if he's just not doing alright in his mind, and if that's the case I'm scared that he won't be able to lead an independent healthy life. Maybe this is just a phase?

Well the thing is he does eat at the table which is where he spills it, though the problem is he is knocking down our cups. When we're in the living room or anywhere with drinks I hear the clatter and try not to curse because I know he's just spilled the drink onto the table or onto the rug. And I've tried to place it next to me, but maybe having a policy where everyone has to keep their drinks in the kitchen and put it away when not in use would be a good idea.

I also like the idea of no free access to candy. We don't buy it often, and I'm just mad at myself right now that I didn't think to put it out of reach.

And I like the computer idea, it would just be difficult, since I do some work online. But I like the idea right now he's sleeping and I'm trying to think of things that would keep him engaged long enough not to run to one of us. One of the problems is that we have told him that the computer/keyboard is off limits. I'm not sure exactly how to discipline him when he does something wrong, I don't think he gets it.

We don't believe in beating our child so we are trying to find ways that don't hurt him. I have thought of time out sitting in the corner for a short amount of time (I read that long amounts of time aren't good), or putting him in his room where he hangs by the door. I try not to take away toys he's really interested in because then he just finds something else to play with and then there's usually damage and I have to go buy some new replacements for them, I can't even afford repairs so I'm always on guard. We've been doing good with that, more recently he broke the second pair of headphones (we do keep those out of reach) by closing them in the door and yanking on the first pair, and the second time he went into one of our drawers and literally cut them. So then we put the scissors out of the reach along with the headphones.

(This is why I try not to take away anything he's playing with as a punishment...he'll find new more creative things to play with.). This is usually avoided though, I guess the main issue is the juice/computer/wetting the bed. I think those are the majors out of less minor concerns which also seem like he's just playing. But I think I have 2 ideas for the juice/computers, I am going to try them.

 

[phrogger]

The peeing might not be a behavioral problem, it could be an anatomical thing, bladder too small for holding in urine for 9 hours. Common and not something I would be concerned with at all, at least not until he is at least 9.

As for the rest, what are his consequences for his actions? Do you make him clean up all the messes he makes? Do you change what he can drink from juice to strictly watere (if he is going to knock it over, make it easy to clean up). Have you asked him WHY he is doing it? Sounds almost like attention seeking.

We have a no food out of the kitchen rule in our home and if the kids spill something (even on accident) they have to clean it up.

 

[LynnS6]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matushek We're having serious problems with one of our children and don't know where to turn. He's 6 years old and he chronically wets the bed

This is developmentally within the range of normal. Our ds is nearly 8 and still wets the bed. We have a family history of bedwetting, and I'm sure it's because of that. I actually think he's finally getting over it, but the bad news is that he's waking about 2-3 am now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matushek he's really picky.

What about? Lots of kids are picky. Sometimes it's just that, they have distinct preferences. Sometimes it's an indication of an underlying (physical) need or issue. For example, kids with Sensory Processing Disorder are sometimes very very picky about things because 'normal' sensations overwhelm them (I've got a kid like that).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matushek He is constantly knocking all the glasses over with the drinks inside then licks it once it's spilled. We give him constant juice bottles with tops (toddler cups), that are big and can hold the amount of juice he likes, and yet he still knocks them over trying with an expectation for them to spill.

Sensory issues? What if you let him put some water on a little saucer and lick it up. I think maybe finding a way to meet this need would be a good idea.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matushek So many times when we are typing he presses enter/space/or other random buttons, and then when we turn to him he runs away and then runs back and hits it again, then he runs away again.

Possibilities: He's bored and seeking attention (let's face it, if you're on the computer, you're not really paying attention to him). He could also maybe use his own computer/keyboard to get it out of his system? It does suggest that he's a little low on impulse control, which is something you might want to work on in other contexts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matushek He opens up any of the candy bars we buy and eats piece of it but leaves it and the candy lying around on the tables

Why is this a big deal? Or maybe more accurately, why does this bother you? Does he open them ALL or just one? If it's just one, I guess I'd just wrap it back up myself and put it in a place where he can get at it when he wants more. If it's all, I can see why that's bothersome.

Would not buying candy for a while be an option?

IMO, looking at your list of things, I'm not seeing 'major' issues pop out, except maybe for the keyboard thing, and the licking things up. Does he get enough exercise? What's his diet like? What's his sleep like? Those are the 3 things to check before assuming there's a 'bigger' issue.

 

[straighthaircurly]

A lot of your concerns are actually rather normal for a lot of kids this age but I realize that it can sometimes be hard to communicate a gut feeling that you have that something isn't right. But just to let you know, our 5.5yo DS loves to have his food and water served in bowls on the floor so he can eat like a cat. He is also an extremely picky eater: no meat, no foods mixed together (so no casseroles, soups, or stews), and a ton of other things like he will only eat vegetables frozen. He has been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder. DS also will disrupt and interfere when we are on the phone or computer and he is seeking interaction. I find it helps if we set a timer and he knows that when the timer goes off he will have our undivided attention for a set period of time. He certainly needs to be held accountable for his actions. If he breaks something, he needs to earn money to replace it, if he spills he needs to clean it up, etc. When our son throws a tantrum, we just stay calm and tell him that he can either get a hug from us to help calm down or go into a favorite quiet spot until he can calmly discuss it.

Another thing that helped was to talk with him about when he has choices and when he doesn't. We set up a traffic light scenario: red light issues are those where he just needs to do what was asked without arguing; yellow light issues are ones where he can discuss with us and we can come to a mutually agreeable plan; green light issues are those where he has the final decision within reason.

Does he have a set homeschool schedule, are you part of a homeschool coop where you can observe how he compares developmentally with the other kids his age?

BTW I wet the bed until I was 9-10 and even occasionally after that.

 

[confustication]

I have a kid with Asperger's so I tend to jump on the 'why not see about some screening' bandwagon.

Individually, I don't see any red flags, though he does need to be responsible for his actions (clean up the spills, if he leaves a snack out- it needs to be thrown away, reinforce rules about not touching the computer etc.)

If he's causing damage to things,I'd not give him access to them. If he needs to go to his room to be removed from a situaion, make sure there is nothing in his room that can be damaged. This might mean you need to box up a bunch of toys and other treasures for a while to store out of sight, but if he's dmaging these things, that's a pretty logical consequence.

 

[BroodyWoodsgal]

I wet the bed often and for a loooong time. Well into my teens and then sporatically until I was about 19 or so. I have a dysfunctional voiding problem, my bladder has a hard time completely voiding and for a long time I had UTIs and even a bad kidney infection....but the doctors said my body would grow out of it by my twenties and by golly it did! SO....I'd say that while bedwetting can indicate other problems...most likely it's an age or physical factor, this is much more common than people think.

As for the other things....it really sounds to me like age-appropriate, attention seeking behavior...BUT as a PP stated...it can be really hard to communicate a feeling in the gut that something is just off. When I read your post, I feel like you really sense that there is something not quite right with your boy. I'm really sorry for this stress in your life, it sounds like you relaly love and have concern for your son...perhaps consulting with an expert would help to put your mind at ease, aide you in boosting your skill set with a kid who needs a bit more from you and possibly could lead you to some sort of diagnosis? Information is the key and the power in situations like these and while I am generally uneasy with some of the labels put on kids....if it is something like a sensory issue, etc...you could have the opportunity to arm yourself with information that could help everyone in your house to live much more peacefully!

GL mama...so sorry for this stress. There is nothing worse than the feeling of not being able to give to your kids what they need to be happy....don't worry, it really sounds like the will and love is there...as soon as you discover where and how your energy can be best used with him, I'm sure everything will click.

 

[Lisa1970]

My son has/had the same problems and he has sensory issues.

 

[Matushek]

I've had 4 other children, and never had the issue of peeing just wherever/whenever they feel like it which is why I was worried

. (I'm sorry I should have explained that better). I am considering the idea that he may just have a small bladder but I'm not sure how to tackle that.

I understand bed wetting is normal, my brother wet the bed until he was about 8ish or so, and one of my first cousins it was the same. I have another son who was a bed wetter, giving him drinks before bedtime was a no, we used underwear for overnight, and disappeared, but these accidents only happened when they were sleeping at night. My 5 year old son wets the bed when he's sleeping/a light nap, when we're walking, whenever he feels like it.

I said when you feel like you need to pee you need to go into the bathroom or ask one of us, and we will take you. I asked him if he was afraid, because I remember for one of my other children potty training was an issue because she was afraid of the Monster in the toilet once she had graduated from the potty's. But that's not it. I don't want to yell at him because he's fragile but gahhh. Screaming doesn't help, and it just makes everyone feel bad, and then we all end up crying. He does understand when I talk in the stern voice, when I say, I am not smiling, but then he just presses his head against my stomach and askes for a hug, and I don't know how to resist that...so here I am

.

Eating:
Picky eater! That's not so bad, his taste just changes, and he has to have really small portions or else he'll leave it on the table, or he'll collect it (he likes to save things for later and I have designated a spot in the fridge for this but his issue is having it 'near'). I've actually started locking up the kitchen things, he takes an apple and will eat half of it then he will either a.) leave it, or b.) put it under his bed. So! As a solution he gets his apples in slices/cut up (he will eat all or most of it this way) and instead of turning it into those fruit snack things (like dried fruits but I don't know if he'll like it if i make it) and we have designated times when he eats, and then when he goes to walk out of the kitchen I stand in front of the door and I say no go sit back down, sometimes I hold out my hand and say give it to me please. This has become a fight, but we've created a system there. I also lay out more options for him, he's the first kid I've ever had whose been wary when it comes to ice cream! What kid turns down ice cream (this kid). It depends on his mood.

(in the middle of this post my son came up and said, I want to go for a walk. So I have to stop writing this inbetween to take him and the dog out for a walk, maybe we'll come back and take him to the mall if he behaves on this walk) So this post won't be posted until I come back.

After the walk:

Boy was that a trip. When we came home we played a 'feel the colour' game. But things like this going out for a walk and then he wants us to carry him, we only had one accident while we were out today which was improvement.

Drinks:

Water is pretty much the only thing that he does drink. But he really likes milk and can and will get into already made tea or gatorade (I buy a gatorade once every couple of months because of all the walking/biking we have to do.)

When I say to clean it up instead of using the towel he continues to lick it. So I took his hand put it in his and wiped it up, but I think he thought this was 'funny'.

Maybe it is attention, everything he does gets him more attention, but I don't want to ignore him

.

His most severe consequences are when we put him in his room and close the door. This elicits tantrums unless we keep the door open and he can at least 'see' one of us across the hall.

Oh with putting the water in a bowl and on the floor we have done that, he spills bowls over too, he's a bit of a clutz because he falls a lot. So I'm wondering is he doing it on purpose? Or is he really unable to manage without it spilling? There's not a day that goes home where he doesn't knock something over trying to get what's inside it. HEY! Maybe that's it! But what is that?

Attention wise, I enjoy his company. I don't mind doing work with him in my lap, sometimes I don't get much work done because I end up playing with him. When he's in my lap and tired and I run my fingers through his hair or massage his shoulders/rub his back while I'm reading, he won't touch a thing. When I 'stop' he starts up again. He's....demanding, but I just can't give him attention 24 hrs a day. I know I should...does that make me a bad mom? I can't hold him in my arms from sun up to sun down, I've just got so much work to do.

With the candy wrappers it bothers me because he opens them all up and leaves them out. But the last of the candy is gone (we really don't buy it often but I don't want him to grow up not never having experienced a Snickers bar.) But I am thinking the next time we buy it I'm gonna put it up out of reach in a drawer, and if he wants some take out small pieces that I cut up and he can eat 'that' and if he wants more there's more but no storing (he hordes under his bed, which is why I started the no leaving the kitchen policy. I can understand some of what he does because things like hording or issues I used to have, I'm thinking maybe designating a drawer that's for him personally (where I would check)).

And most definitely not buying candy for a while is an option (this is the first time we've had candy here in a few months and before that it was half a year or so). (Months inbetween).

I have asked him sometimes...Why are you doing __insert action here_? Sometimes I'm exasperated and I think he can sense that and 'this' makes him shrink back/shrug and then avoid me but it doesn't stop it. And I hate 'cornering' him, then he feels trapped. Whenever something spills, he'll say he just wants the milk(drink) not the cup.

Hey! I like the idea of a Timer! I just don't know how to get him to follow it :-/.

Whats a homeschool coop? We do have a homeschooling schedule that's set (we have a schedule for everything) not exactly on the dot, but approximately. We have been working on some games, he's legally blind and I like to play games with him that give him access to Independence(games that are fun and that he learns and doesn't get upset if he can't do...like those video games for learning (my mother used to give me those in my spare time when I was younger) but he can't see those), so we've been teaching him braille through my wife's books (my wife is blind) and alphabets, (Grade 1 Braille), and large print books, and we're playing a new game (educational) called Feel the Colour game (long story). We do other things with music, etc. Just his homeschooling schedule allows us flexibility at the same time he can generally expect it to be around the same day everyday.

 

[Matushek]

Question:
How do you go about screening?

We do box up things! Okay so one of the things we ended doing a few months ago, was boxing. After getting plugs that have plugs that move over the plug (like a baby plug thing) we began unplugging all appliances and locking them away. And putting headphones, wallets, anything he's attracted to in drawers, up and out of reach, or in closets with baskets against them (he never moves them).

His room is pretty much a floor thats hard wood not carpet with his bed a shelf for his books and toys. It's my room I think I need to make more 'proofed' because he spends time for wherever we are more than he does his actual room.

Counselling is a good idea! I'm reluctant because it costs money and that's something we're really short on right now, though someone suggested services offered by the community that are for free.

He's awake from his nap, (so I'm sorry if I don't check back so frequently or as often). It takes me really long to write these replies, but I'll check back, and read around some as well. I think that would help. Already you all have helped and have made me think more of some new elaborations/ideas/and some places are just trial and error. I'm really just glad I'm not the only one going through concerns, and I do love him, sometimes I think my family is all I really live for, I just want everyone to be happy, (with as minimum stress as possible)

 

[phrogger]

Ok real quick before I run out the door, you are talking about your son peeing during the day? Can you explain that a little more. Like does it seem like he doeesn't even realize it? My son actually damaged his bladder early on by not fully releasing it and got to the point where he could not feel the sensation to urinate anymore. That is something to talk to the ped about and get a referral to a urologist to see if it is a bladder problem. Honestly i would check that out before stressing too much over it being a behavior issue since one you treat medically and one you have to get to the root of the issue.

 

[LauraLoo]

I see that you are a new member, so I'm going to suggest that you also visit the Allergy forum under Health and Healing.

I know that there are a number of dc's that have reactions like you are describing when there are food allergies or intollerances/senstivities. It's something to look into -- especially if you have any family history of environmental and/or food allergies. Many have found that eliminating milk, for example, makes a big difference with the behavior of their dc's -- including wetting the bed. It could be this simple for your ds.

 

[Fuamami]

So you said he's legally blind? Does this mean that he can't see where he left the candy bars? Or where his drink is? Or other things that he's knocking over? Or is it just that he can't read, see detail, etc?

 

[clipfish]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuamami So you said he's legally blind? Does this mean that he can't see where he left the candy bars? Or where his drink is? Or other things that he's knocking over? Or is it just that he can't read, see detail, etc?

I'm confused too. Is your son 5 or 6?

 

[Matushek]

My son is 6 (sorry) personal birthdays and posts confuse me when I'm typing and reading at the same time (I was looking at the 5.5 yr old son) anyway he is legally blind, but whether he is blind or not isn't much of an excuse for the wrappers. If he can find them he can finish and throw them away.

My wife is blind as well, and perfectly capable. With my son he can only read really large print, and I wanted him to learn braille just because it's handy esp. with his eyesight so bad, so why not? Among other things we're really into languages this includes Tactile Sign (american) Language, Russian, Spanish, Portuguese, etc. And as part of our homeschooling we do intend to be teaching him these things. He's a perfectly capable boy legally blind or no, and so is my wife, who could probably answer personal questions better than I could, but from my experience I know not seeing it isn't an issue.

We're starting on Grade 1 (that's more my wife's department since I'm still learning myself). We'll have an issue when he graduates to Grade 2, because my wife is still struggling with that herself, and I'm looking into some services that will help me to learn as well. But Grade 1 right now is his level and by the time he gets to Grade 2 both of us should have it down sized.

I'm sorry if I sounded a bit edgy. I just don't want people to think that just because he's legally blind he's limited (and I know no one said that). It's not that he can't see the glass, he knows where everything is with or without eyesight, it's that he knocks them over all over time. Originally when I started this post I thought he was doing it on purpose, (kinda like the keyboard deal), but then it occured to me (reoccuring thought) we describe him as a clutz and while I was typing this we did have another accident (not this but a previous post). And as I was observing it came to my attention that he's not doing it just to do it.

I'm basically a blur to my son, he can read print that's really large but regular 12ft/18ft etc. he can't read those. It has to be big, and there are special books/libraries that offer this sort of thing. Which is why when we teach him specifically we don't focus on what he can do but what we can do, we emphasize his other senses, like 'sense of touch', 'sense of smell'. I want what he lacks in eyes to be made up for in his other senses. A regular school can't give him what he needs, and a 'blind' school would not bring him to his full capacity. There is a common misconception that legally blind are like people who wear glasses (like myself). The thing is you might as well call them blind. There is a common misconception that blind people (totally blind people) have heightened senses because of loss of eyesight. This is also not true. My son has some eyesight, I focus on what's useful and then I work on games(lessons), that revolve on working on the senses that he has.

I just don't think him being legally blind is the issue. I am going to arrange an appointment for him though, and read around some posts here. (I will check out the allergies forum). There's already some foods that he's not allowed to eat. Peanut Butter*, Oranges, Chocolate, Gum, (I try to give him little milk only because I have some sort of lactose and tolerance but my wife LOVES milk, and it goes good with a cookie, and apparently he loves it too because that's his favourite thing to go after). We're flexitarians (kinda like vegeterians but we eat meat occassionaly just not often), so we eat mainly fruits and vegetables, oatmeal, grain stuff, so it just wouldn't be hard to narrow it down if it was a food allergy.

We've had a good day today, today we cleaned his room, took him out he had 1 accident while we were out, and we kept all cups out of reach from him. We had fun, we heard the bags rustling for some candy we got this afternoon for my wife who was craving some, and then we said aha we caught you! (and put that away). I'm not very good with putting grocery stuff away (that's what the other mother is for

. )

 

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Uummmm, I may be stepping out of bounds here....but if I had to bet money on this situation...I'd put everything on these issues being related to his blindness. The issues you are describing are pretty normal for a kid his age....ESPECIALLY when compounded by the stresses that must come with learning to navigate in a world where most other people have good vision...and he doesn't.

I'm not saying he is limited or whatever else....but any kid who has "differences" to overcome, is going to have added emotional stresses to his "growing up" experience. I had emotional issues growing up and was of mixed race in an upper middle class white area and had a problem with bed wetting and even with those small differences between me and the other kids I could see...I felt like an alien. You have four or five kids....these other children don't have vision problems, right? So...yeah, he feels different. I'd be willing to bet that his near blindness has a lot to do with the attention seeking behavior here. Not that he is limited....he just had more intense needs because he feels different.

Maybe I'm way off base...I don't know....but it seems like he has more to cope with than the "average" kid (certainly the other kids in the household) and that to me, explains a lot. I think therapy might be good...help him process some of this. It's a sucky thing to be a kid and to be aware that there is something about you that is different and all the while to have parents who are insistent that you are NOT limited....but you FEEL limited because you have to learn stuff other kids don't, etc. Is his vision going to get progressively worse?? If not....does he know that? Six years old is a crazy age...they are still such small children...but they start to grasp so much more. It realy sounds like he could be comin to terms with his being "different".

I don't know...and I certainly hope I haven't been insensitive in any way. I can just totaly see how this could be a compounding fator to the already sucky process of growing up in this crazy world. I mean, he's not totally blind...but can he play kickball with other kids? Can he go for a walk by himself like his brothers and sisters? Can he help in the kitchen, walk the dog, cross the street...if he has any of these "limitations"....it would seem to me that this would be the age when he is goingt o really start to process this and understand what it means, that he cannot, say, walk to the park with his friends to play soccer, without his mamas coming with.

Again, it sounds like your boy has a really strong loving family...I can tell how much you love him and how badly you want to get to the bottom of this so you can meet his needs...I wish you all the luck in the world!

 

[IndigoMother]

AverysMomma -- I am Matushek's wife and the other mother of our son Noam. I have been totally blind since birth due to a condition called bilateral anophthalmia, which means I was born without eyeballs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AverysMomma Uummmm, I may be stepping out of bounds here....but if I had to bet money on this situation...I'd put everything on these issues being related to his blindness. The issues you are describing are pretty normal for a kid his age....ESPECIALLY when compounded by the stresses that must come with learning to navigate in a world where most other people have good vision...and he doesn't.

This first part of your post shocked me but as I read farther down I understood more where you're coming from, so I will reply to the later parts of your post.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AverysMomma I'm not saying he is limited or whatever else....but any kid who has "differences" to overcome, is going to have added emotional stresses to his "growing up" experience. I had emotional issues growing up and was of mixed race in an upper middle class white area and had a problem with bed wetting and even with those small differences between me and the other kids I could see...I felt like an alien. You have four or five kids....these other children don't have vision problems, right? So...yeah, he feels different. I'd be willing to bet that his near blindness has a lot to do with the attention seeking behavior here. Not that he is limited....he just had more intense needs because he feels different.

I understand that our son has "differences" to overcome because he is a blind person living in a sighted world. I can understand how that would create emotional stress, but I don't agree in that blindness in and of itself creates emotional stress. Legal blindness is all he has known and so for him it's not tragic in the way it would be for a totally sighted person to suddenly lose their vision. I'm sorry to hear you had emotional issues as a result of being a racial minority in your community, we too are also a racial minority. My wife is multiracial and I am caucasion, and the list continues.

I suppose in a way our son is in that minority, although I think he understands it's okay to be blind, seeing his own mother who is totally blind, as well as my blind friends, who also serve as role models to him. Some of our other children also have vision problems and are legally blind or totally blind and don't have the behavioral issues Noam has. Some of our other children also have to deal with being blind in a sighted world and learning to navigate the world both in the physical sense as well as the emotional sense (other people's attitudes). And yet they don't display behavioral issues. Not that they're perfect but their issues aren't as severe as Noam's.

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Maybe I'm way off base...I don't know....but it seems like he has more to cope with than the "average" kid (certainly the other kids in the household) and that to me, explains a lot. I think therapy might be good...help him process some of this. It's a sucky thing to be a kid and to be aware that there is something about you that is different and all the while to have parents who are insistent that you are NOT limited....but you FEEL limited because you have to learn stuff other kids don't, etc. Is his vision going to get progressively worse?? If not....does he know that? Six years old is a crazy age...they are still such small children...but they start to grasp so much more. It realy sounds like he could be comin to terms with his being "different".

I certainly see where you're coming from but have to politely disagree. At home he is the average kid -- most of us have some form of visual impairment. We home school him just as we did our other children so he doesn't have to deal with the social stresses of other kids teasing him or taking advantage of his blindness, and so that we can teach him values and education that we see as the main priority. We make up for social skills by including him in many activities outside the house, bringing him to the park often, and organizing play dates with other children in our neighborhood. We also are apart of social groups that hold the same philosophies, and treat every child as an individual as well as adjusting based on every child's personal needs (whether they're visual and read too slow or visual and read too fast, etc.) we have not treated Noam any different because he understands that we all have something we lack or excel in and we firmly believe that every child should have individual education programs and have done so with our children, and the same with the social groups we are apart of.

I'm not so sure he feels limited because of his blindness because there is always a way to do what you do with vision -- except without vision. We have him learning both Grade one Braille and Large Print. He is learning excellent blind skills from me, from his Braille teacher, and from his siblings.

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I don't know...and I certainly hope I haven't been insensitive in any way. I can just totaly see how this could be a compounding fator to the already sucky process of growing up in this crazy world. I mean, he's not totally blind...but can he play kickball with other kids? Can he go for a walk by himself like his brothers and sisters? Can he help in the kitchen, walk the dog, cross the street...if he has any of these "limitations"....it would seem to me that this would be the age when he is goingt o really start to process this and understand what it means, that he cannot, say, walk to the park with his friends to play soccer, without his mamas coming with.

He cannot play kickball with other kids, none of the kids we know play kickball anyway. He can run around and there are plenty of games he can play. He's a very active little kid let me tell you! He can't go for a walk by himself because he's six years old but he sure will be able to when he's old enough! He can cross the street, and we include him in house chores. He sets the table, makes his bed. All of these things can be done blind as long as you have the skills. I am happily teaching him how to do every day things without relying on his vision. He will easily be able to walk to to the park with his friends. With his current vision he probably doesn't need a cane but we are giving him cane skills in case his vision deteriorates and also so that he has the option to use the cane if he would like.

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Again, it sounds like your boy has a really strong loving family...I can tell how much you love him and how badly you want to get to the bottom of this so you can meet his needs...I wish you all the luck in the world!

I'm very happy you see our family is loving! our philosophy is that love is love. It doesn't matter if you're black or white or blind or sighted or whatever, we love unconditionally. I think we're very lucky in meeting the needs of our kids since we understand blindness and how to raise a blind child in a sighted world. I appreciate your concern but hope I could shed some misconceptions you had.

 

[hippiemum21580]

The thing that put up a red flag for me was teh mention of candy. Now, much of what you mentioned is fairly typical. BUT it sounds like he has some impulsive tendencies. My oldest son (8) is like that. I am sure a doctor would slap an ADHD label on him in a second. What helped HUGE HUGE HUGE was restricting his diet. Minimum sugar intake. I sweeten alot of things with honey instead of sugar. We don't buy crap like snack cakes or candy brs or puddings. No artificial colors or additives. This one takes some time to get used to because not only does it seem sooooo much food is laden in fake junk, but your son very well could be addicted to some of this stuff and you may be met with opposition in removing them from his diet. BUT I swear it helped us! When I see it now is when I bend and allow him to have something off of his diet. (Like Easter...when he ate 3 little chocolate eggs and was super impulsive and defiant for hours after!) It will actually be easier for you since you homeschool so you will have more of an oppurtunity to control his food intake. I am sure it sounds mean...I hear it alot. "Oh, can'the have just ONE lollipop? Poor boy!" But really, my son does not mind. He fought me a bit at first but now he does really well at accepting substitutes. You can find all natural candies at yourlocal health food store and grocery stores sell alot of organic all natural fruit snacks, fruit roll ups, popsicles, etc..... It's worth a shot.Wish you the best! xo