Soo disappointed and angry re: cavalier induction

I just hurts me so much, b/c this is a baby that I will know and LOVE deeply. Honestly I am so worried. My step-sister... I love her but... !!! At least she wants to breastfeed. Until that gets hard too. I could just cry.

Maybe going through the birth process will help. I hope so.

Thanks ladies for understanding... I really admire those of you who had very interventive births and say "whoa what was that all about?" and try it differently the 2nd time around. I was just very fortunate to have really competent and knowledgeable midwives and doctors who let my birth progress as normally as possible the 1st time. It's easy to do with the right information and supportive attendants, it's much harder when you have to fight.

TOBP syndrome. I can believe it. That's awful, it speaks volumes though.

Hugs!

OLivia

You know, it does suck, but maybe she just has to learn the hard way. I'm one of those mamas who had an interventive birth and will do it differently next time. The thing is, I did my research while pregnant AND had a sister who was a doula and training to be a midwife advising me...and I STILL messed it up!

I'm sure my sister was in agony watching me fumble around, trying to give me gentle guidance, just like you are. And she DID tell me how horrible her DS' birth was (intervention-city) and advised me to "beg, borrow, or steal" the money for a homebirth. I just wasn't in a place where I could hear her and learn from her mistakes. And I ended up with a c/s. I hope your step-sister doesn't have to go quite so far down that road, but I know she will value your support on her journey.

I just spoke with my sister yesterday, and we were sort of laughing about how much alike we are and how she KNEW when she was trying to guide me that I would just have to end up finding my own path (that's how she is, too). It was really hard for her to watch me and be supportive of me as I prepared for an OB-attended hospital birth, but I very much appreciated her doing so. Your sister will need you to be supportive after the birth, no matter how it turns out, but especially if it doesn't go well. I know after my c/s, the only person who I felt would truly understand my heartbreak over an unnecessary c/s was my sister - the very person who tried so hard to help me avoid it.

Maybe your sister is just getting nervous. Maybe she's fearful of giving birth, and trying to "just get it over with". Does she have other family members who may be putting pressure on her - either to induce and get the baby here soon, or creating fear around giving birth? Please be patient with her. Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky (or smart) enough to do things right the first time. She'll feel bad enough once she realizes her mistake, and she'll really need you to be there for her.

I know it's hard for you to watch, but you really can't MAKE her do things differently, you know?

Kinsey

I hear you loud and clear!! You woudn't believe how many people are induced at my hosp. for 'post dates' they are 40 weeks and 1 day!! Us nurses can't stand it. Alot of the time, our unit is full because we constantly are bombarded with silly inductions. Many times when a serious case comes along, we have a hard time accomodating the 'real' induction because we are so full of jokes! We many times cancel the rediculous inductions because we just have too many labors and surgeries (we do lots of procedures in our L&D unit also not just pregnancy issues) going on. The moms get sooo mad, but what can we do? If there is no medical indication for them to be there, then we have no problem putting them on hold. In fact the other night, I had our next day induction walk in at 11pm 8cm, wow what a novelty, real labor!!

You know, today I spoke to my mentor (senior midwife) at the hospital I am doing my rotation at and she was gagged about it. I asked her what would happen in the same situation here... she said both her and the OB said they would tell her "it's hard and uncomfortable, but I promise you won't be pregnant forever". There is no way they would accept an induction without STRONG medical indications. I agree. Why is this so common? It just seems so unethical. What if something goes WRONG? Who accepts responsibiltiy?

I was under the impression that the Hippocatic oath started with "first do no harm", no?

I guess if I were an l/d nurse in the US I would also be more than a little pi$$ed having to support an unnaturally uncomfortable and possibly complicated labour that was a CHOICE to proceed this way. Do you guys have midwives that are solo hospital catchers? I mean we generally deliver the baby unless there are complications that cannot be handled by a midwife (mostly surgical births). Do you guys have it there?

Wondering...

Olivia

I'm sure you wouldn't do it, but I really need to say again: Please don't let on to your disappointment/anger when talking to her. If she's disappointed about the c/s, then you can sympathize, but try to keep upbeat.

After my c/s, I was actually afraid to call my sister and tell her. I was afraid she'd be disappointed in me. I knew even then that the c/s was not necessary, but talked myself into believing I had "done everything I could" afterwards b/c I HAD to, for my mental well-being. It was almost a year later before I could really admit to myself and everyone else how guilty, disappointed, angry, etc I felt.

Luckily, when I finally screwed up my courage to call my sister, she was nothing but supportive of me. She said NOTHING about my c/s, except to ask about my physical well-being (and DS', of course). She even agreed with me that there was "nothing else I could have done", and I'm sure she was biting her tongue to do that. But I'm so glad she did. If she'd said anything, even hinted that DS' birth would/should/could have gone differently, I couldn't have taken it. I needed support, and she gave it.

Now, of course, she's the one I call to bemoan my unnecessary c/s. NOW she can say "I told you so", and I can agree with her, and it's okay, KWIM?

Again, I'm sure you would never purposely say anything to hurt your sister. I just wanted to remind you to be VERY careful in choosing your words. Let her recover, physically and mentally, and start questioning things on her own. If you push it, you may push her away, but if you wait, you can be a HUGE ally for her.

Just wanted to give a glimpse of what she MAY be thinking/feeling, from someone who's been there and done that (and is still healing from it).

Kinsey

Kinsey,

I do not plan on saying anything to my sister. I am very, very pleased that my nephew is doing well and he is a healthy beautiful baby. I hope she will have an easy and quick recovery. I will support her totally.

I save my outrage for the "professionals" attending her. She does place far too much faith in Drs. and medical professionals, but shouldn't they guide you to what's best? This should have stopped at the mention of an unnecessary induction. It was the Dr.'s responsibilty to say "I know it's hard and you're tired of being pregnant, but we can't induce without medical cause. It's just too risky." Obviously that didn't happen. Waving an induction around at 41 weeks is like waving a carrot in front of a hungry horse.

Anyway... I hope they a least have a certified LC on staff. Fortunately my aunt is one and is close... just in case.

Olivia

I have 2 different friends who have induced due to the same reason. One friend actually was 'afraid' of having a baby that was 'too big' so I think she induced on her due date (he was a little over 7lbs). The other friend induced 10 days early b/c it is LEGAL in the state of California and b/c she was 'done' being pregnant. :

The problem that I have with both of these situations is that both births went without a hitch. I guess that makes it sound like I'm wishing they went badly - no, it bothers me that they went well b/c then my friends are willing to do it again, and they make it look safe for others, as well. What an injustice these people are doing to women.

After being perfectly, lusciously pregnant for 9 months, why would anybody not consider the holiness and sacredness of the birth experience?