sorry

Is he depressed?

I don't know what else to say except my dh is very depressed- sleeps all the time, says he hates his job, me, the kids, has talked about suicide.

Irritability is one of the biggest signs in men. I can just see that he is feeling so terrible about himself and being so mean to himself, that he is unable to feel nice or be kind to anyone else.

I would say the birth of our second really is what set things off, not that that caused the depression, but that at that time not only did I have less to give him but I also had more needs for him to fill, and it was overwhelming.

Will he go to counseling, get on medication, what ever?

Even if he won't go, you go by yourself.

Depression and men

another article NIMH

((((((HUGS))))))
This is a tough one!
Although my dh was not as extreme as you have described yours to be acting, I can relate to some of what you are syaing.
My dh and I were together about 6 years before I became pregnant w/ ds. It was dh who kept insisting we have a child together. Although ds was not completely planned and was a surprise for me, having a baby was in our discussions a lot.
Dh said he was 100% supportive and happy. But throughout my pregnancy he had a ton of emotional outbursts (stress, anger, withdrawn, etc). Towards the end of my pg he did come around and begin to seem happy about the baby-to-be. He attended the birth and was a wonderful support. He cooked for me for the first weeks after ds was born. But he was pretty withdrawn from ds. He rarely wanted to hold him. He worked a bunch, seemed angry often, and I found it hard to connect w/ him. Around the time ds was about 5 or 6 months old, dh did begin to show more interest in ds. He would hold him a lot, play w/ him, etc. It wasn't until months later that dh opened up to me and shared that he was so moody and hard to be around at times in my pg because he was filled w/ self-doubt about being a dad, a provider, and also scared of me not having enough time for him. He said that after ds was born he felt left out by me, and that he often felt replaced by ds. Before ds was born I was a major caretaker for dh. Dh had a terrible childhood, no dad in the picture, mom died young, he suffered a lot of abuse and abandonment... I guess he found comfort in my love and acceptance of him, and felt a bit rejected when ds came along. Once ds was not such a helpless infant dh became more interested in him. He saw this was his son, and felt pride in that. Now he is a wonderful daddy to ds and misses him terribly when he is away for even a day.
But once again, during this current pg of mine, ds has begun to show moodiness and some w/drawl... I think the responsibility scares him. He is only this month showing interest in the new baby-to-be.
A lot of men are filled w/ fears of being a good dad, a good provider, as well as fears of not getting enough of your attention.
Perhaps your dh is going through some of this. Perhaps he is embarrassed to tell you, or maybe not completely aware of how he is feeling. If he had a poor role model for a dad, it could be even worse for him.
try discussing these ideas w/ him and see how he responds. Perhaps he would be willing to try some counseling.
Although it is important for him to stand up and be a good daddy and a supportive hubby, it is also important for him to feel that his needs are being met by you and his home life. Remember, most men are kinda like big babies in a lot of ways. Many men see their wives as their mommies and when a new baby comes along they often feel dumped and act like babies themselves.