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I realize this thread could get heated, but I just wonder if most people do this (because it makes the most sense to me).<br><br>
My ds has everything he needs, and a fair amount of wants but I'm not 'spoiling' him with stuff. I shop frugally, buy second hand, and get gifts for him from my family. So whether or not I get child support in a month, his standard of living stays the same. However, <i>mine</i> decreases. Maybe that month I was planning on getting my hair cut and buying some clothes - but I don't. So I take on the burden of the missing child support.<br><br>
The problem with this is that when I do finally get $100 of child support, it *looks* bad that I spend it on myself. But really, it's MY money that's missing, not ds'.<br><br>
It's really semantics, I guess (did I use that word right?). Sometimes I hear NCP say "My child support is her car payment" but that's not really true, is it? (unless the children aren't being provided for). Just because you happen to give her $400 and her car payment happens to be $400 does not mean that she's spending the cs on herself.<br><br>
Just a little rant I've had stuck in my head for over a year <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I haven't received a penny this year. Only under 1k EVER in 7 years. He owes over $30k in back support. Really, he's a horrible person and I'm glad he's out of my childrens' lives. He doesnt' want anything to do with them. My dh takes care of us and is a hard worker and loves them. But sometimes I do think about all that money ex refuses to pay (quits when they say they are going to start taking it from his paycheck every time) and then I think on all the ballet, music, and sports lessons I *can't* pay for because money is so tight. I just wish I had it so they could do more since it's owed me anyways.<br><br>
I almost emailed ex's mother last week to ask her if he had the heart to donate a little of his drug money so the kids could get Suzuki violin lessons b/c I really want the kids to do them. I didn't send it. It just felt so wrong. I really wish he would hand over his rights to dh so that I don't have to think about him anymore. We can't afford the lawyer, and he would...
 

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More than half of our household monthly income comes from the child support my ex pays for our three children. It allows me to be a stay at home mom, and our lives would be horribly affected if it were to stop for some reason.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mmace</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8996021"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">More than half of our household monthly income comes from the child support my ex pays for our three children. It allows me to be a stay at home mom, and our lives would be horribly affected if it were to stop for some reason.</div>
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I guess I should mention that my child support order is $280 (Cdn) per month, so I'm in a different situation than you. I live on student loans that are enough to take care of us to a certain extent.
 

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If the marriage hadn't failed, the children would have had a stay at home mom as long as needed, and any lesson they wanted and really great vacations so I think the child support is something they need if they are going to be in activities and have tutors and such.<br><br>
The thought that a person could create a child and feel no responsibility to support a child boggles my mind.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I guess I should mention that my child support order is $280 (Cdn) per month, so I'm in a different situation than you. I live on student loans that are enough to take care of us to a certain extent.</td>
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I have three kids and receive $1,000 per month in child support as a minimum, some months it's more like $1,500.
 

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The CS we receive is automatically withdrawn from ex's check, and I haven't had to deal with any missed payments, just a couple of late ones that were the employer's fault. That said, the CS we receive means I can work 3/4 time and DS doesn't have to be put into after-care (he goes to public elementary). DS is very much a home-body, and we are attached, and after-care would be very detrimental to him - we've tried it.<br><br>
So, yes, if the CS were to dry up, I would have to WOH even more, and DS would have to spend even more time away from me and his home. His behavior would become more challenging, and he would be missing an important connection to the safe place he has with me and in our house.
 

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I try really hard not to rely on the child support money. Like a previous poster- my child has everything he needs and some things he wants (he doesn't really ask for much so I guess I got lucky). When the child support disappears for a month it really affects me more than him (I use money I would have used on me- clothes, personal care products, etc- on him and I do without). When I bought my new car a few months ago I heard the whole "the child support I pay is going towards her car" crap. My only response to that is "Owen rides in that car, doesn't he? Does it not take him to doctors appointments, school, therapy, library, etc?". Why shouldn't Owen have a safe, reliable car to ride in?
 

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My Uncle had three kids he was paying CS for. The oldest one turned 18, he didnt have to pay support for him anymore. Then the middle one got pregnant and moved in with her boyfriend, and the youngest got in a fight with mom, and moved in with some friends. So the only one that was home living with the mom was the 18 yr old. My uncle went to see if he could get the cs taken away. He went in with both proof that his younger kids not only didnt live with Mom but that she wasnt supporting them. They told him sorry that child support wasnt for the kids, but for the parents. He went in and argued with them several times, but they kept telling him the same thing. So he ended up paying Child Support for 3 more years although the kids didn't live with mom.<br>
So when you spend that money on yourself, dont feel bad that money isnt for your child its for you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I just got notice that the government is going to charge an annual fee for collecting child support. They say it's part of some fed budget reduction act. Any thoughts on that, hey it's not just for the kids, the gov needs some of that too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:
 

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No, it affects my lifestyle. I will go without things but she never does. it's not her fault that her father is a cheap SOB.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KayCSmommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9000184"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">They told him sorry that child support wasnt for the kids, but for the parents. He went in and argued with them several times, but they kept telling him the same thing. So he ended up paying Child Support for 3 more years although the kids didn't live with mom.<br>
So when you spend that money on yourself, dont feel bad that money isnt for your child its for you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"></div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>pranamama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9000334"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I just got notice that the government is going to charge an annual fee for collecting child support. They say it's part of some fed budget reduction act. Any thoughts on that, hey it's not just for the kids, the gov needs some of that too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:</div>
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I understand the government needs to be reimbursed for their time/effort (there are actual people involved in the collection/distribution of child support). They've been charging my ex a "fee" ever since he started paying support. Same with my dad, who's been paying child support for 7 1/2 years. My mom decided to drop the child support (since their only minor child now lives with dad- a decision they made together, not through the courts). When they kept taking it out of his paycheck he went down to the friend of the court to ask why. They told him he was a couple hundred dollars in arrears. He scratched his head and asked why, since they've taken it directly out of his paycheck for 7 1/2 years. Every single week, never missing/late at all. They told him that the person who filled out the paperwork telling his boss how much to take out of his paycheck messed up and didn't include the "fee". So for 7 1/2 years dad had been paying the correct child support, but not the fee. So what did the government do? They took the money he paid, took their fee out, and sent the rest on to mom (basically they were giving mom a reduced amount of child support because they wanted to take their "cut" first). And for 7 1/2 years nobody once thought to fix it, just rack up those arrears. So when mom told the friend of the court to stop taking the money from dad they told her they can't- they're legally obligated to collect the rest of the arrears, even though she told them to forget it. He asked if he could just pay the whole amount at once. They said no. So they are still collecting it from his paycheck, and taking their "fee" out every single week <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="huh"> how bizarre.
 

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Yes - it does - I have five children - I work at just over min wage, on average about 3/4 of the time. I get child care subsidy but still end up helping my in-laws on top of that - out of the child support. So my in-laws standard of living would also drop if stbx stopped paying child support. of course if I had to hire someone or do daycare - the subsidy amount wouldn't even touch what it would cost to put my kids into a daycare/after school care.<br><br>
Also If stbx stopped paying child support there would be instantly no more internet, no more driving anywhere, no more extras at all, living on Ramen noodes and rice, stuff would start getting shut off - phone/utlities ect within a couple of months. Child support is more than half of my monthly income.<br><br>
I honestly don't know how we would survive at all without child support - what I make a month basically covers our grocery bill and gas but much less the other living expenses. I've figured child support as providing the rent, electricity, car to drive, clothes for the kids- basics type stuff and my income more for extra or stuff for me. I Fortunately - he's arranged direct deposit from his employers to my bank account so hasn't missed payments since he got that set up. If he does miss payments - I would have to go through the government to have them collect it from him and he does want to avoid that at this point.<br><br>
I think though that IF I was ever to get involved with someone else - I just have a gut feeling stbx would stop paying cs pretty quickly. Right now though he does realize that his kids standard of living is dependant on his income. He makes $78,000 a year vs $11,000 for me (both cdn). He also doesn't take the kids much at all and travels for work 2/3 of the time at least.<br><br>
In his case -though he figures he is paying me to take care of the kids and that's the end of his responsibilty as a parent. In some respects - it's easier at least emotionally with him not around so much in a way because evne living here - he expect me to do most of it and resented being expected to "help me" with the kids or with things around the house since he worked all day. So I'm not dealing with constant critism anymore just when he's around.<br><br>
He told me that last time he was out "with all the money I'm paying you - I expect a higher level of care". This because my older kids had said something about getting up before me and getting their own cereal and milk (proud of themselves for it) but he expects me to cook a big hot breakfast every morning - no matter how much I've been up in the night or on my feet for work or anything.<br><br><br>
At least he's paying for now because with as many young children as I have and being out of the workforce as long as I have - I'm not sure how I would meet the basics without child support. This "paying you to take care of the kids" attitude makes me wonder if I'll see child support once the kids are old enough that he doesn't consider them to need "caring for" and if I"ve had enough time in the workforce to move up/go back to school/make more money somehow. But for now he's paying it and I'm grateful at least for that.
 

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I apply all my child support to my rent. I am not sure how I would function without it, but I worry every day. X is unstable and I'm sure he will eventually lose his job. What happens than?
 

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<span style="color:#008000;">Everything MOST custodial parents do with child support and all of the other money they have is usually directed at the childs needs. Many parents myself included do without a great deal so that our children can have their needs met. Even if they are spending it on a massage treatment once a month so some other form of stress relief and escape. As I was told as long in a required government sponsered parent after seperation course as the childrens needs are not being neglected child support money is seen as being added to the monthly pool of money for coustodial parent to spend as they see fit. Personally I am barely managing to survive in an outragiously overpriced city with laughable child support with a non-custodial father who is always "too broke" to even feed our little girl on his visits when his income is at least three times ours and his necessary expenses half ours. With how often I hear from him that he does not have any money I am wondering where he is spending all the rest of his money. I am in the middle of the process of moving in with another single mother and her son just to make ends meet. And trying to find some work where I can take our daughter because I have been turned down for financhial aid for childcare and again he says he "can't afford" to pay for it. So even if I find some childcare, another issue in our area is lack of childcare spaces, I would have trouble paying it. I am left to try and squeeze out an existance for myself and more importantly my wonderful baby daughter he so desperatly wanted and then promtly abandoned once she and I were an inconvience to him. He couldnt be bothered to provide me with any of the love and support a partner is entitled to but quickly turned around and found another single mother and daughter and provides to them everything I had been asking him for. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"> Our relationship is dead he killed any positive feelings I had left for him with his continued emotionally abusive actions towards me and his proving he never cared for me by giving his new girlfriend all I asked for. But now my daughter has to deal with the effect it has on her to see Daddy giving another little girl all the affection and time (and money) he should be giving her and his minimal time to her so that he can appear to be a good dad in everyone elses eyes when his involvement in our daughters life is minimal at best and a lot of his involvement is iniciated by me.<br><br>
My evil side is thankful that at least I know he is in a honeymoon stage with her that will not last. I already know he is lying to he and has started to set up the same horrible emotionally/physically abusive relationship we had. He is already lying to her. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"> and some of the other cracks are starting to show. He even conditioned her to not trust anything I might say to her very early on as soon as he started sleeping with her that I would say he lies and that this was a lie that I would use to undermine him. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"> Bahahaha half of what comes out of his mouth is lies but I would never tell her or anyone this unless someones safety was at immediate risk its better she figure this out for herself. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"> But he kind of shot himself in the foot anyway because she constantly calls him during his drop off and pick up times for his visits with our daughter because she doesnt trust him although I am not sure she realizes this yet. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"> Anyway I hope she gets out before she and/or her daughter gets hurt by him but this seams unlikely since her actions are now also hurting our daughter because of her interference in our co-parenting relationship but thats a whole other post. Anyways sorry OP for straying off into a rant I hope I answered your question well first.</span>
 

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We guys are pretty anal about "our" money.<br><br>
Yeah, you could be spending YOUR entire paycheck on our child, but if you spent a penny of "our" money on yourself, we'd be mad about it. lol<br><br>
See, the way I see it though, is that you SHOULD use the child support specifically for the child, and spend YOUR money on yourself. The way I think this is because you get a set amount (let's say for argument's sake you get $500 a month).<br><br>
Now if you're throwing all money in a pot, and just making sure the child's NEEDS are met, and then spending the rest on yourself, then there's a good bet that the entire $500 isn't really going towards the child. (I'm pretty sure I'll get blasted for saying that with the typical "lol it takes more than $500 a month to support a child" to which I say "prove it with a break down on individual expense plz")<br><br>
The way I see it, there are specific expenses related to raising kids.<br><br>
Feeding them<br>
Clothing them<br>
Entertaining them<br>
Babysitters<br>
Etc.<br><br>
And then there are YOUR expense that AFFECT the child, but are not really child support, (i.e. rent, electric, etc.).<br><br>
I'd like to think that I'm giving CS and that it'll be put to use for not only the child's current well-being, but their future well-being as well. Like I know that feeding and clothing and entertaining them doesn't cost no $500 a month, so I'd like to think that "my" money (i use "my" really loosely because it's my children't money) was being used to take care of those things, and then whatever was left over was being put into the bank for college or something.<br><br>
See what I mean?<br><br>
I'm pretty sure that I'm about to get blasted for this post, but hey, I'm sharing a guy's viewpoint here. You want to know why your ex is complaining about CS, this is a very big reason why right here.
 

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Actually Vypros, I kind of agree with you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:<br><br>
I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford all of our expenses, including a mortgage, on my salary alone with money left to spare (and even more to spare if I was more frugal <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ). B's dad gives him $50 per pay, so $100 a month (with 2 of 12 months being $150). That is a figure that is fine with us, though quite probably much lower than the courts would award had I chosen to go that route. The CS money gets put into an RESP for B. In a year or two I'll split that amount, putting a % in the RESP and the rest into a regular bank account for B.<br><br>
The way I see it, because I can afford it all on my own, the CS is a bonus. That is NOT going to be a very understood view maybe but the history between B's dad and I causes me to view this CS as a gift (not as something owed) and I treat it as such.<br><br>
I think it is easier to keep things separate than "pooling" the money together. The support is for the CHILD; alimony (if you receive it) is for you. Or at least, *I* would have to keep it separate because I would not feel comfortable tossing it all in a pot and using it as one.<br><br>
Just my two cents on how it applies to my situation. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Vypros</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9009684"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We guys are pretty anal about "our" money.<br><br><br>
The way I see it, there are specific expenses related to raising kids.<br><br>
Feeding them<br>
Clothing them<br>
Entertaining them<br>
Babysitters<br>
Etc.<br><br>
And then there are YOUR expense that AFFECT the child, but are not really child support, (i.e. rent, electric, etc.).<br><br>
I'd like to think that I'm giving CS and that it'll be put to use for not only the child's current well-being, but their future well-being as well. Like I know that feeding and clothing and entertaining them doesn't cost no $500 a month, so I'd like to think that "my" money (i use "my" really loosely because it's my children't money) was being used to take care of those things, and then whatever was left over was being put into the bank for college or something.<br><br>
See what I mean?<br><br>
I'm pretty sure that I'm about to get blasted for this post, but hey, I'm sharing a guy's viewpoint here. You want to know why your ex is complaining about CS, this is a very big reason why right here.</div>
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Hey, Vypros-- it is good to have the ncp's perspective here, too.<br><br>
I do take issue with your assertion that it doesn't cost $500 a month to support a child.<br><br>
In my state a portion of housing with all its attendant expenses are part of cs.<br><br>
And when I think of what I have just paid to get the children up and ready for school--phew!!! Trust me I shopped sales, Target and, God forgive me, Wal Mart.<br><br>
I track all our expenses and I could provide an itemized list, btw. :)<br><br>
But then we live in one of the most expensive areas of the country.<br><br>
Genuinely curious ... do you willingly pay a portion of your kids' extracurricular expenses, non-reimbursed medical expenses, and day-care expenses in addition to the child support? In my state those are all extras to be paid pro-rata based on income share.<br><br>
If a NCP doesn't contribute to those additional expenses then $500 most certainly will not cover a child's monthly expenses.<br><br>
Examples from my situation:<br><br>
Counseling for the kids alone runs $500 a month because our insurance won't reimburse. The participating mental health professionals are not quality providers so the best we can do is find someone else and submit and hope for partial reimbursement -- reduce cost to $360 a month (this is with ea. child going twice a month).<br><br>
And as for extracurricular activities -- well, piano lessons alone are $45 per half hour, once a week. Soccer is $90 a season per girl plus equipment and dance class is $600 a year. Then there are summer camps and swim team. I also believe the children should go to an occasional cultural event (concert, play, etc) each year.<br><br>
Now that is our life, pre-divorce. Sadly, my children won't be able to do all those activities an average middle-class child participates in because of the divorce.<br><br>
Don't begrudge the money you give their mother -- truly, it may be the most you can afford, but I doubt it is enough. It certainly isn't in my children's situation. They lose in this divorce.<br><br>
M
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Vypros</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9009684"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We guys are pretty anal about "our" money.<br><br>
Yeah, you could be spending YOUR entire paycheck on our child, but if you spent a penny of "our" money on yourself, we'd be mad about it. lol<br><br>
See, the way I see it though, is that you SHOULD use the child support specifically for the child, and spend YOUR money on yourself. The way I think this is because you get a set amount (let's say for argument's sake you get $500 a month).<br><br>
Now if you're throwing all money in a pot, and just making sure the child's NEEDS are met, and then spending the rest on yourself, then there's a good bet that the entire $500 isn't really going towards the child. (I'm pretty sure I'll get blasted for saying that with the typical "lol it takes more than $500 a month to support a child" to which I say "prove it with a break down on individual expense plz")<br><br>
The way I see it, there are specific expenses related to raising kids.<br><br>
Feeding them<br>
Clothing them<br>
Entertaining them<br>
Babysitters<br>
Etc.<br><br>
And then there are YOUR expense that AFFECT the child, but are not really child support, (i.e. rent, electric, etc.).<br><br>
I'd like to think that I'm giving CS and that it'll be put to use for not only the child's current well-being, but their future well-being as well. Like I know that feeding and clothing and entertaining them doesn't cost no $500 a month, so I'd like to think that "my" money (i use "my" really loosely because it's my children't money) was being used to take care of those things, and then whatever was left over was being put into the bank for college or something.<br><br>
See what I mean?<br><br>
I'm pretty sure that I'm about to get blasted for this post, but hey, I'm sharing a guy's viewpoint here. You want to know why your ex is complaining about CS, this is a very big reason why right here.</div>
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What about housing? I could be living in a considerably smaller (thus, less expensive) house if I didn't have my ds. With the larger house comes a higher electric bill, higher water bill, higher taxes. What about gas to get the child to/from school, doctors/dentist appointments, therapy, activities, etc? The more I drive my car for OWEN related places, the more maintanance I have to do on it (more oil changes, etc). Those are all expenses I have that I wouldn't if I didn't have Owen. So limiting childrens expenses to<br><br>
"Feeding them<br>
Clothing them<br>
Entertaining them<br>
Babysitters<br>
Etc."<br><br>
is kind of silly, IMO. There is much, much more that goes into it.<br><br>
For me, personally, I've not sat down and actually figured how much it takes to raise ds a month. That would be pretty depressing <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I can tell you that ex's child support was just raised by quite a bit and it's his own d*mn fault. He would be paying less if he was a decent human and actually helped me pay for uncovered doctors, therapists, activities, etc. But for 3 years he refused to pay a penny over child support. I told the Friend of the Court this and the easiest way for them to enforce the whole "ex has to pay a % of all those expenses" was to just raise his child support. So now instead of paying a little here and there whenever ds has a doctor appointment that's not covered or whatever he's paying quite a bit more a month. In the end who knows if it'll even out, but for the short term he's paying more than he would be if he had just helped out when I asked (just because we just moved so ds hasn't started therapy yet. Once that gets started expenses will pick up again).<br><br>
I can tell you that the money ex pays in cs doesn't cover everything ds needs/uses/whatever in a month. But it does cover a significant amount, especially after they raised it.
 
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