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akichan · Dec 11, 2010

I can't seem to get to the Homeschooling Resources Sticky, nor do I know if this is covered there, but I need links or articles or recommendations for information on "WHY Homeschooling is better than Public School" or stuff like that. 
 
My ex-husband and I will be going to court in February to have education decided for us if I cannot come up with a strong argument for homeschooling. He wants the local public school, which I hear is common to have the judge order, sadly. HSLDA will not help with this because it involves divorce and custody.
 
Here are his arguments against Homeschooling, so if you can find any quantitative research to contradict these common misconceptions, please share.
 
A. He is thinking about the future and doesn't think I can handle the education of all 3 of our children at the same time. 
B. He doesn't trust me because I have not completed my bachelor's degree, nor do I have any specialized training in teaching children 
C. He feels that the three different "schools" that Matthias attends right now is "CHAOS". I stated that the third "school" is NOT a school, only a state funded program to teach parents how to be better teachers of their own children and supplementary to any other academic programs. 
D. He feels I have not shared the curriculum and structure I am currently following for the children. He wants me to send assignments/homework to him (He NEVER said that to me before). I told him they don't do school on Fridays, only Mon - Thurs., nor did I think he was interested.
 
E. We had a meeting with my son's Pre-K teacher and I talked about how I pick and create my own curriculum for Matthias based on what I feel will work for him, instead of a "all-in-one" type of boxed curriculum. Shaun feels that is not acceptable education, even though my 4-year old's teacher said she was very pleased with Matthias' progress and that he is doing well in comparison with the other children. I feel he is THRIVING at his current charter school (2 hours, 1 day a week) and with the materials I have chosen to work with for him, and he is on track to skip into the first grade next year because his academic capability is so high. Also, the students at his school have passed every academic benchmark established by the 2010 Hawaii State Assessments.
 
I don't even know where to begin with the fight against ignorance, and the fact that he will probably win just because that's the traditional way that most people are comfortable with just kills me inside. Any experiences/support you can share or resources would be greatly appreciated.

mamatoady · Dec 12, 2010

That is one of my worst nightmares. Thankfully you have a little bit of time to compile all of your information. One thing I would do is look at each of your children individually and concentrate on why homeschooling is best specifically for them. Because it doesn't really matter if homeschooling is "better because ......." Obviously, for some it is better and for some it is not.
 
I don't currently have my fingers on stickys for you. But I know there is documentation showing that children under the care of a loving and committed/devoted parent fare better there than in a public school setting. Especially emotionally. And given the stress of an impending divorce, emotions would be at the height of my concern.
 
Back to paragraph one. For example...my 8 year old seems to have attention problems that are immenseley helped by proper nutrition and not being surrounded by crazy external stimuli (i.e. 29 kids running around)...she is behind in certain subjects because she cannot stay focused in that environment and the school refuses to adhere to a strict nutrition standard. She is also quite shy and being surrounded by so many kids inhibits her from showing her true self and rising to her potential. My 4 year old is reading and doing math at a 1st grade level. He cannot be challenged the way he needs to be academically because teachers have to "teach to the middle"...gifted kids get bored. He needs someone who can be at his level wherever that might be.
 
 
So...perhaps you can make up little statements like this...things you know your ex can agree with (like child x is really bright) and then find the info to back THAT up with homeschooling. Try to find objective information...if it's too religious or crunchy, it's less likely to be taken seriously.
 
Check out k12 programs. It is a public school for homeschooled kids. I'm not saying that you need to do that program, but they believe that public school (brick and mortar) are NOT for everyone and you might find some excellent resources there.
 
Good luck. Keep us posted on how things are going and if you are getting the information that you need.
Sarah

Climbing Rose · Dec 16, 2010

I don't know if this will help, but I read about this happening with another couple.
 
The mom asked if HSing was not allowed, that the judge would order the dad to pay for the private school of her choice.
 
The judge agreed to the private school option, and suddenly the dad decided that homeschooling was just wonderful.
 
Just throwing that out there.
 
 
Other times, I have heard of dads agreeing to HS, if it's on a year by year, trial basis (that at least opens the door, and then can become the status quo). 
So if you can just get them to say 'yes' to K or first, you have your foot in the door to ask for one more year (and one more).

elus0814 · Dec 16, 2010

I agree with simply making a 'we'll visit it again each summer' thing. You may also have to agree to a boxed curriculum, not to say you have to follow it to the letter, but it could make him feel like you are following state guidelines. 
 
A. He is thinking about the future and doesn't think I can handle the education of all 3 of our children at the same time.
 
But a teacher can handle the education of 25 or more kids at the same time. No real resource to back it up but there it is. This was a big selling point for me with my DH, he asked how I could handle four kids at once and I asked how a teacher could handle way more than that. Using a set curriculum may help him feel better about it. 
B. He doesn't trust me because I have not completed my bachelor's degree, nor do I have any specialized training in teaching children
 
There are many certified teachers who are not good teachers when with children. Why do you need to have completed a degree, do you magically become qualified the minute to take the last final exam? The fact that you have proven yourself with some college should be enough. Perhaps working on completing your degree would ease his mind? 
C. He feels that the three different "schools" that Matthias attends right now is "CHAOS". I stated that the third "school" is NOT a school, only a state funded program to teach parents how to be better teachers of their own children and supplementary to any other academic programs. 
 
So he's complaining that you don't have specialized training in teaching but he doesn't want you to go to the program to teach you more about teaching? Maybe point that out to him or the judge. 
D. He feels I have not shared the curriculum and structure I am currently following for the children. He wants me to send assignments/homework to him (He NEVER said that to me before). I told him they don't do school on Fridays, only Mon - Thurs., nor did I think he was interested.
 
Asking you to run all assignments by his is over the top and would create more work for you, using time you could be spending on the children. Why not write up a brief overview of the plan for the year or show him curriculum materials (or a link to their website) then offer to write a single paragraph on what the kids are doing each week or so? If he wants to see actual work just send a few samples with the kids when he picks them up for visits.

akichan · Dec 16, 2010

All very good advice. I think part of the problem is that I don't even really know which direction to take because my very young, state-paid lawyers haven't really dealt with homeschooling before, so the don't have any idea what kind of arguments would hold water with the judge. So I'm trying to pull everything and everything and I have to educate them a LOT before I feel comfortable allowing them to argue for me. So that's probably the first battle! 
 
Thank you so much, keep the advice coming! elus0814, I did give many of the same arguments to him that you recommended already, but I think he's pretty set against listening to anything that comes out of my mouth, to be honest, which is a big part of the reason this is so miserable.

akichan · Dec 22, 2010

Ugh! I just talked to the lawyers today and they said they need real, quantitative data that shows that children learn better in the home. And that it can be done with children of multiple ages. And that I don't need a college degree or specialized training for my children to receive a quality education from me. 
 
I can't find that kind of data anywhere! Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated, as would links to any studies or articles that can help me back up these statements.

kittie313 · Dec 22, 2010

Let me do a little searching through the database at college, maybe I can come up with some articles that can help you a bit. I make no promises though, as the database has hundreds of thousands of articles.

Needle in the Hay · Dec 23, 2010

Have you looked at nheri.org?

pigpokey · Dec 23, 2010

They might consider using the data that shows that home education is *better* to show, not particularly that it is the best choice (which is probably not the judge's job) but that it is adequate, and specifically a legal choice for meeting compulsory education laws in your state. It is overreaching for the judge to tell you that your kids should attend public school, any more than s/he should tell you what to serve for dinner M-F or whether you should enroll your child next year in karate or ballet. 
 
If an irrefutable study comes out next week showing that it is superior, does that mean family law judges should require all custodial parents to quit work to home school?
 
Since an all-organic diet is superior, should the family law judge order that the custodial parent only serve organic food?
 
 <a href="http://www.wnd.com/?pageId=106585" target="_blank">http://www.wnd.com/?pageId=106585</a>
 
 <a href="http://library.adoption.com/articles/the-scholastic-achievement-of-home-school-students.html" target="_blank">http://library.adoption.com/articles/the-scholastic-achievement-of-home-school-students.html</a>
 

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by akichan <a href="/community/forum/thread/1284825/spam-me-with-backup-articles#post_16132809"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a> Ugh! I just talked to the lawyers today and they said they need real, quantitative data that shows that children learn better in the home. And that it can be done with children of multiple ages. And that I don't need a college degree or specialized training for my children to receive a quality education from me. 
 
I can't find that kind of data anywhere! Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated, as would links to any studies or articles that can help me back up these statements.
</div>
</div>

sleet76 · Dec 23, 2010

<a href="http://home-school.lovetoknow.com/Statistics_on_Homeschooling_in_the_United_States" target="_blank">http://home-school.lovetoknow.com/Statistics_on_Homeschooling_in_the_United_States</a>
 
Here is a website that lists some statistics, and had references--you may be able to dig some of the original articles/studies up. Good luck! It seems that he should be the one to prove that homeschooling WON'T work for the kids.

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