[holidaymama]

I didn't want to take over the other thread, but for 7 Christmases now, I have had a child, now two, and hubby's mother and my SIL go crazy, but many times it's stuff I do NOT want for the boys, but I don't really know if it's worth it to take back or how to figure out where she got it.

What would you do?

For example if it was say a nerf gun or something along those clutterly lines!

 

[Turquesa]

This could be an unpopular answer, but I have nooooooo reservations about re-gifting, so long as you're careful about it

, or giving it to the thrift store. If necessary, let a little time lapse after you get the new junk. When asked about it, you reply innocently, "Oh, I don't know where that ended up." And the truth is, you don't. You have know idea what kid picked it up at Good Will. Most compulsive shoppers/gift givers forget what they give, anyway.

The dynamic could get a little trickier if your kids are old enough to bond with the gifts and protest getting rid of them . . . . In this case, a big(ger) toy chest may be your only option.

 

[bscal]

I had to have a sit down with my mom about this. She goes NUTS at Christmastime. My oldest DD's birthday is Dec 4th and my niece's birthday is today... so she spoils them rotten with birthday gifts and then buys a ton of stuff for Christmas as well. I think I've finally gotten the point across that the kids do NOT need every new toy on the market. It took me years to get her to stop going overboard for DH and I before we had kids as well. Like I need more junk in my house!

Anyhow, I very nicely told her that we want to teach our kids the real meaning of Christmas and not have them grow up greedy and spoiled b/c of this huge mountain of gifts. And then nicely requested that she give each child 2 presents to open. Well, I forgot to specify the size of the presents! She gave them each this huge gift bag that was bigger than my oldest (who was 3 at the time). It had about 25 different things in it - clothes, coloring books, puzzles, etc. So I had a chat with her AGAIN... this time not so nice. She's "allowed" to purchase them an outfit, no more than TWO toys and books (we encourage books!). Even with her list pared down that much it's still going to be a LOT of presents under her tree. There's DH and I, our 3 kids, my sis and bil and their DD, mom, dad and my grandmother. Oh and she has also agreed to buy a family present - zoo memberships or something similar.

As for stuff that either we don't approve of OR the kids just wouldn't play with... it stays in it's nice package and I put it up for next year's Toys for Tots donation. If the kids have to open it and play with it for 2 days and then get bored then I donate it... typically to the church youth group garage sale.

Beth

 

[Dakota's Mom]

We have a rule that the giver has to see DS with it one time. Then it can go on ebay, freecycle, or thrift store. Although, if someone actually got him a gun, it wouldn't even leave the giver's home. We do not allow guns.

Kathi

 

[UUMom]

With the kids input, we have donated, regifted, tried to exchange etc. You'd be surprised what you can exchange without a recipet. If it's brand new in the box, I'll try to exchange what we don't need/want. Knowing the brand names from various stores is helpful, YK, Circo is Target etc.

 

[transformed]

who cares what you want for your kids, its their stuff.

:

How would you feel if your dh started getting rid of all the stuff he didnt want you to have?

Kids are people too.

 

[holidaymama]

You are right it's their stuff...and when they forget about their stuff, the dog ends up eating it, or someone ends up tripping or washing it. And then when that STUFF is out of their head they WANT more STUFF.

I would rather my children didn't focus on "stuff" and instead cared about people. We also live in a rather small house so too much stuff = chaos.

 

[caiesmommy]

With ds we donate mostly.

Ds got some toys for his bday in August(a fridge toy that is huge which each letter represents a food..heres the thing were vegetarian..and the gifter knew this LOL)...he also got a dollar store plastic sword but that went STRAIGHT into the landfill

..i think I've got 4 or 5 toys still in packages ready to go to chariety and quite frankly that makes me feel great!

This Christmas I've been quite clear to family about what gifts to buy ds,w a two bedroom bungelow and a baby on the way, we have NO room for unneeded toys and ds gets so much that he REALLY doesnt need alot of toys,when there are so many kids around that get nothing

 

[littlelessons]

Quote:

Originally Posted by transformed who cares what you want for your kids, its their stuff. : Kids are people too.

Umm, *I* care what I want for my kids. And no, they aren't little adults in the house so comparing them to me or my DH doesn't fly.

 

[UUMom]

I missed the nerf thing. I wouldn't have a problem with that at all. My kids are all very sensitive and toys like that have never had a negative impact. They've played with water guns etc and I have never seen that be a problem.

But whatever your feelings are about it, I would still discuss it with the child. I have never felt ok about dissapearing things without my kids input. Of course, nobody ever gave my toddlers horrible or violent toys, either.

 

[LISSA~K]

Quote:

Originally Posted by transformed who cares what you want for your kids, its their stuff. : How would you feel if your dh started getting rid of all the stuff he didnt want you to have? Kids are people too.

I totally agree with your sentiment that children deserve respect too, but they are not adults. As parents we guide and look out for our children, and sometimes that means protecting them from influences that we deem harmful or unwanted. Or that interfere with our method of parenting. I'm not talking about limiting every aspect of their lives, but when they are small and we are trying to help shape them, it makes sense (to me) to not allow them to be overrun with crappy toys that overstimulate or whatever the beef is. I have certainly done it as well when out of town relatives send too much. Or when they are too little to notice. As they get older of course it becomes a different situation.

 

[Aeress]

My Mom wanted to buy my oldest a dvd player/tv combo for her room. Umm, she is 6 and we don't do t.v and my Mom knows that. *ugh* I hope she got the message.

My girls are asked to go through their toys and give away ones they no longer need. (this doesn't always work) This gets them involved without making them feel like I am getting rid of their stuff.

 

[A&A]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LISSA~K I totally agree with your sentiment that children deserve respect too, but they are not adults. As parents we guide and look out for our children, and sometimes that means protecting them from influences that we deem harmful or unwanted. Or that interfere with our method of parenting. I'm not talking about limiting every aspect of their lives, but when they are small and we are trying to help shape them, it makes sense (to me) to not allow them to be overrun with crappy toys that overstimulate or whatever the beef is. I have certainly done it as well when out of town relatives send too much. Or when they are too little to notice. As they get older of course it becomes a different situation.

:

And sometimes you have to protect SPACE, too...especially when you have a small house like we do. If we had kept every toy ever given to my kids, the floor would be literally covered with them, and there would be no place to PLAY with anything!!!

As they have gotten older, though, I've involved them in the decision-making process of what we are getting rid of.

 

[1littlebit]

my inlaws aren't around much b/c MIL is gov. employed and works primarily out of the country. they make up for it by buying everything in toys r us and having it shipped to our apt months before christmas so that we can store it until they come home to wrap it.

dp has some weird emotional aversion to giving away the crap his parents give us. i tried to talk to him sensitively and he just said he didnt want to give it away. tough cookies. we have no where to put it. he doesn't want to hurt his parents feelings by asking them to buy less and he doesn't want to hurt his parents feelings but giving the crap away. it was one or the other and he knew it. so goodwill is going to be quite thrilled with us this year. i am actually ready to kill my inlaws. i lost all appreciation for their kind loving gift giving when the gifts are shipped to my tiny apt and i have no where to put them!

ok sry rant over. moral of the story - i give them away.