[UmmBnB]

This is a spin-off from this thread about including kids in normal everyday life.

This is not the first time I've encountered this situation but since I've been reading the above mentioned post I thought I'd bring it up.

I normally attend an evening LLL meeting which is most regularly attended by pregnant moms, new moms and moms working out of the home. More often than not moms leave bigger kids at home. We meet in a relatively small room. There isn't space for kids to play and the room has horrible accoustics - lots of hard surfaces, nothing to dampen side noise.

Last night a number of folks brought their older kids. They ranged from 4 to 12. I think all total there were probably 6 older kids. Now, this wouldn't have been an issue at all but they were so loud. You couldn't hear what people were saying, those who did talk had to yell and the new moms there who were having issues with bf'ing seemed totally frustrated. The senior leader was out of the room working with a mom. I think had she been there she would have asked for the parents to help their kids. The other leader there was frustrated I could tell.

Here's the real difficult part. The kids who were most definitely the loudest were those of another leader there for a listening exercise. The thing that made me most frustrated was that it she never once said a word to them. The other moms with older kids did talk with them regarding the volume but its hard for young kids to keep their volume down when the kids they are playing with aren't being asked to do the same, you know.

Now, they had all brought things to do. They had lots of art supplies and it looked like a semi-planned out project, but they went about it in a way that was incredibly disruptive to the meeting.

Anytime this happens I always fear that new moms or pregnant moms won't come back...and they often don't. In the back of my mind I have to wonder what roll the volume of side conversations hold in their decision.

My 4 1/2 yr old wants to go every month. He is welcome to come along but there are guidelines about being quiet (talking in whispers), taking quiet activities along (ie: no leapster) and bottom line, this is my evening out and I decide when we leave (if he gets bored). More often than not, he opts to stay home when I remind him of these things. These are some pretty basic guidelines that I feel are quite reasonable.

Are my expectations for my child out of line in your opinion? Are my expectations for other children out of line? What to do?

 

[johub]

I dunno. This is an LLL meeting. I would never have imagined an LLL meeting where kids werent welcomed with open arms. I understand that this particular meeting place makes it difficult, but it seems to me that the problem is the space where the meeting is held, and yes also the fact that these children were not reminded by their parent to keep it down. But not that there were older children present.
Yes there are many types of meetings that one would not expect children. AA for example. But LLL? It just seems to me like loud kids are par for the course.
(I have only been to one LLL group though so my basis of comparison is very small. But for us it was like a meeting for the moms and a playgroup for the kids.)
Joline

 

[HappyHSer]

Quote:

Anytime this happens I always fear that new moms or pregnant moms won't come back...and they often don't. In the back of my mind I have to wonder what roll the volume of side conversations hold in their decision.

This has been an issue with LLL for a long time.

The problems are this.......

I could not go if my older kids weren't welcome. My DH travels (indeed, he's already relocated in another state). Leaving kids home isn't an option for many.

The other problem is that moms of 1, of only very young kids and certainly pregnant moms who don't have any born children often have an unrealistic expectation of children and noise (and mess!) level.

Finally, it's my personal experience and opinion that there is more permissiveness in cirlces inclined towards attachment parenting.

 

[UmmBnB]

I agree that the space is an issue. We had a heck of a time getting this space. Free evening space is at a bit of a premium round these parts evidently.

I'm not suggesting that kids shouldn't come, nor am I suggesting that they shouldn't be welcomed. I think that the secondary issue is parents not setting appropriate expectations, based on the fact that the meeting is what it is, to keep their voices down. They were obviously concerned about teh kids being occupied as they brought a bunch of great things to work on, but when the volume became disruptive, nothing was done or said.

 

[katebleu]

it is a long time LLL issue because i can remember being one of the older children in the corner... who was certainly never out of control. i mean as i remember it.

but last summer when i attended my first LLL meeting as a pregnant mom, there were a couple of older kids who were disruptive and engaging in dangerous behavior that made me really uncomfortable. neither mom said anything to them. i gave the moms the benefit of it being summer and figured that this wasn't normal for the group (it wasn't) because i know what it's like to be the older LLL kid. but if i hadn't i might not have come back.

what i would do in your situation, UmmBnB, is talk to your groups regular leader and voice your concerns. one of things that i was told at a very young age by my LLLeader mom that the meeting was for the moms that needed help not for my entertainment.