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<p>This is the first time I've posted on this forum...I guess I was having problems accepting the fact that I belong here.</p>
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<p>I am 31 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby. My second daughter Zejah Grace was stillborn in February, about 9 1/2 months ago. I am at the point where my OB is wanting me to make a decision about when I would like to deliver this little guy. When I first became pregnant, the high risk specialist said they wouldn't let me go beyond 36 or 37 weeks, because I had just had a repeat c-section,and they didn't want the risk of uterine rupture due to getting pregnant before I was fully healed (10 weeks after my daughter died).</p>
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<p>So now I'm left with this huge, immense burden about when to have this baby. My OB says we should wait until AT LEAST 38 weeks (that every day past 37 weeks is better for his lung development, latching, and feeding). I totally agree with her on this. With DD1 I went to 41 weeks, tried a home waterbirth, tried to go natural all the way (obviously didn't happen the way I had planned...but that's a whole other grief-ridden story).</p>
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<p>I just keep imagining the worst case scenario. What if I choose to go to 38 weeks and this one dies one day before that (Zejah died at 39 w. 6 d). I'll always regret not letting my OB induce me with Zejah at 39 weeks (she may still be with us if I had agreed to it). I just don't know what to do. Have them do the c-section at 37 weeks with the risk of him being in the NICU, breathing problems and difficulty latching, but be ALIVE? Or wait until 38 weeks, with better outcomes in these areas, but with the anxiety and fear, and maybe reality, that he dies before then. They never found out what caused Zejah's death, so  it makes it especially difficult for me to  figure out what I can do this time around to prevent the same thing from happening.</p>
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<p>I feel like I'm going crazy here. I just want somebody else to make the decision for me, so I don't have to bear the burden of the responsibility and the guilt if something should go wrong.</p>
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<p>I really dont know what to do....</p>
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<p>I'm so sorry for your loss, and I totally understand your concerns about your upcoming birth. Do you feel comfortable with a watch-and-wait from 37 weeks on-- in my last term pregnancy, my Perinatologist recommended NSTs just about every other day towards the end, and it was really reassuring to know that baby was handling things well. My living kids have been born at 35 weeks (induction for multiple complications, 2 week NICU), 37 weeks (spontaneous vaginal birth, no complications), and 39 weeks (same as #2), and my 37 weeker was actually the most alert and active baby of them all. So, 37 weeks may not be ideal, as babies are a bit smaller and sleepier than those born a week or 2 later, but the vast majority of those babies do just fine-- 37 weeks is the "new normal" in many perinatal circles.</p>
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<p>Best wishes to you for a smooth birth experience and a happy, healthy baby :)</p>
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<p><span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"> PAL is so hard. So so hard.</span></p>
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<p><span>I remember your Zejah Grace because she was born on the one year anniversary after my son was born still. :candle</span></p>
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<p><span>I don't have any answers for you. I guess I'd want to flip it back to the OB & ask what his plan is for monitoring you in the final weeks. What does he intend to do to keep a close eye on your babe & support you? How flexible will he be depending on how you and the babe are doing as you get close to the due date? Does he want a date set in stone or is he just trying to get your 'line in the sand' for how far you'll go?</span></p>
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