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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm at a loss with dd#2. Dd#1 was a very easy going, mellow kid, easily guided. DD#2 just screams and screams . I wasn't home the other day and DH was trying to get her dressed. She screamed and yelled and said she wanted mommy to do it. DH will put on her shirt and just pull it off and said mommy do it. Finally, I returned (after half hour) and she ran to me and took off the clothes that dh managed to put on her. And said you do it. Any suggestions? We have a pretty good rhythm at home, DH sings a dressup song with her, but once she's in that mold nothing can change it until the tsunami is over. In writing this, I realize that we need to catch the melt down before it starts. I don't understand what dd#2 is getting from all the screaming... . And what do you do while she is going through it? I try and sit there and breath but it gets very tricky when there are time constraints. I know its best to plan with plenty of time to spare, but what to do when you've screwed up and there is no time to spare and a screaming child?<br>
Book recommendations? Tips very much appreciated.
 

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With my ds, the underlying problem was usually being tired or hungry. Unfortunately, he was usually one or the other at most times til he got older and needed less sleep. I pretty much just did things how he asked, redid things if they were done wrong, and generally humored him when he got like that. Once he was in a calmer mood, I tried to take care of the underlying needs. It wasn't as if he was trying to get me to do something or give him something. He was genuinely unhappy and cranky and needed a ton of TLC to get in a good spot emotionally.<br><br>
He was a high needs baby, still is high needs at 5 3/4. I realized he was highly sensitive when he was 3. He was more bothered by things than the average kid. He wasn't trying to be a PIA. You can check out this website <a href="http://www.hsperson.com" target="_blank">www.hsperson.com</a><br><br>
I also realized that there was a special term called "spirited" which was the new word for incredibly difficult and challenging child. I finally read Raising Your Spirited Child and found myself nodding my head a lot.
 

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<b>The Explosive Child</b> by Dr. Ross Green is an awesome book and has a very GD approach in helping your child. There is also a dvd by Dr. Green with the same title. I haven't seen it yet, but asked my library to order it.<br><br>
I second <b>Raising Your Spirited Child</b> by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and also suggest <b>Kids, Parents and Power Struggles</b> by the same author.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>4evermom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7909558"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I also realized that there was a special term called "spirited" which was the new word for incredibly difficult and challenging child. I finally read <b>Raising Your Spirited Child</b> and found myself nodding my head a lot.</div>
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[my emphasis}<br><br>
I never really thought of my as DD difficult, but she is definitely "spirited" in that she is a constant challenge, intense, persistent, and high needs and she really drives me crazy sometimes.<br><br>
This book has been very helpful for me. One thing it addresses are labels and attitudes which are pretty potent. The book has ideas for rephrasing negative labels with positive words and it really does help both the parent and the child.<br><br>
The book also gives great examples and includes questions to ask not just about your child, but also about yourself as parents. I found it very insightful. In fact, I realized that I am also "spirited" so we've got a bit of a double whammy here. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Also, do check out the HSP link. I've known I was HSP forever (didn't know there was a name for it until a few years ago) but I am realizing that DD may also be HSP, but I didn't really put it all together until I'd read "Raising Your Spirited Child."
 

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Becoming the Parent You Want to be by Laura Davis and Janis Keyser is a good one and I agree with Raising Your Spirited Child.<br>
Even if your child is 'spirited' (I've got one too, OH Boy) you always need to remember that most things are stages and will pass. My mantra is 'This Too Shall Pass' it really is true and I live by it.<br>
'Unconditional Parenting' by Alfie Kohn (SP?) is really good too. I haven't gotten through the whole thing, but I am impressed with everything he has said so far.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thank you! I've unconditional parenting reserved at the library and ordering raising your spirited child.<br>
Looking into the other books as well. Thanks again!
 
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