I had secondary infertility issues, which is alienation in and of itself. Mostly b/c people just assume you only wanted 1 child or b/c you have 1 you should feel lucky. I felt like it was continued punishment for my sins in life, as was my 1st birth being a c/s. I felt I must be unworthy to have and raise children, that I was not going to be recieving that blessing from God again.
I was not the person I am today. I have grown as a person since then in so many ways. I no longer feel I was unworthy. I still do feel my c/s was a lesson of some sort, but God is good and has healed my broken spirit.
I was fortunate that the issue was not serious and fairly easy to correct. I had researched ahead as far as Clomid, which I ended up not needing. I had thought about IVF and what that would implicate, but I can't comment on it b/c I didn't have to go there. It would be a hard path to walk down and make a decision yes or no based on what I believe about life.
I was appauled by the comments, oh I didn't think you were going to have anymore, was he an
accident? Or 'you do know what causes that don't you' and this is pregnancy #2 for crying out loud. We bought a 15 passanger van when I was pregnant w/#3. Now I just say, Yes, we're going to fill it.
(not really, but it gets really fantastic looks!!!) People are nosey...
I look at it this way, choices we make about our bodies are personal. I did not tell my mother I was having trouble getting pregnant b/c she would have cried too. She had infertility issues that she never seeked medical advice on as far as I know. As I sat in my gyn's office, I was crying telling him about my mother and how maybe I'm too old now ( I was 26 -- but my mother had trouble at age 24 and I had gotten my 1st at age 23). Anyway, point is it wasn't something I thought needed to be shared with anyone on earth other than my dh and my gyn. I'd rather keep quite than have pitty, off comments, or unsolicited advice. But that was just me.
And one very positive story for those who just need up liftment and encouragement on an IVF journey:
A df of mine had infertility in her early 20s. She has some test done and became pregnant after the die test in the tubes -- he had something wrong with him and delivery was induced after he died inutero at 25 wks (good part is coming -- promise).
She did IVF in early '97 and gave birth to a healthy boy later that year. Now it gets good. She planned to have the rest of her eggs implanted when ds1 was about 18 mo old. When ds1 was 8 months old
-- nature took over and she had dd1 in May '99. When dd1 was 5 months old she got pregnant naturally with dd2. Then she decided maybe it was necessary to do BCP for a while. Then she got prego naturally again with ds2, dd2 was 2yrs old. She told me this summer she was going to get pregnant when her dh came home for R&R from Iraq -- how she knew I don't know, but she did, naturally again. She just gave birth to ds3.
I have read since then that yes, IVF can get the ball rolling. Now what she intends to do with the eggs, I don't know. I don't know as if she has even thought about it, it would be hard to think about.
HUGS to all of you. OP you bring up some very valid questions and concerns. It's not easy and I hope your faith will guide you to making a decision that you can have peace in.