[Kelly1101]

Welcome to this week's Spotlight, <b>RedOakMomma</b>!<br><br>
Here's how we do this: Anyone who wants to, will pitch in a question for you (you being <b>RedOakMomma</b> this week). Pretty much nothing is off limits, although of course you only have to answer the questions you want to. Also, if you wants to pitch in any words of wisdom, interesting information, anything goes-- it's your thread.<br><br>
So, I'll start us off:<br><br>
How are you feeling at this point?<br><br>
Do you have any ideas of the gender? Are you planning to find out before the birth?<br><br>
What are you thinking of for a birth plan?<br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
Anyone else who has questions, feel free to post them!<br><br>
If you're new to the DDC and want to sign up for your own Spotlight thread, here's the link: <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=1182330" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1182330</a>

 

[kevinsgirl]

<span>What do you like to do with your free time?</span>

 

[RedOakMomma]

<b><br>
How are you feeling at this point?</b><br><br>
Good. Big. I went out to eat a few too many times last weekend and now I feel like I've put on 10 pounds. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> It's probably more like 5, but still....gotta be more careful.<br><br>
I think the biggest thing that's different with this pregnancy is now I have three kids (all of which, given the cognitive age of ds1, are very young). I get to the end of the day and I hardly seem to have time for myself...I have all these projects I want to work on, books to read, movies to watch, and every night I wonder "where has the time gone?" I'm much more easily tired with this pregnancy than with my others....and even though dd is 2, really it's been almost 5 years since I was pregnant (she's adopted).<br><br><b>Do you have any ideas of the gender? Are you planning to find out before the birth?</b><br><br>
We did find out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><span style="color:#800080;">GI</span><span style="color:#800080;">RL!</span> The peri said she was a girl at 16.5 weeks, then it was confirmed via chromosomes two weeks later. My initial feelings were that this was a boy, but then around 12 weeks I started having dreams of a 5-year-old girl who kept telling me her name was Vivian James. Vivian is one of the names we considered for a girl name, and James is the name we're planning on using as a middle name for either sex. So yeah...when she showed up in my dreams a few times, very vividly, I started to suspect it was a girl. When the peri said "it's a girl!" I wasn't shocked in the least...despite only gestating boys beforehand! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><br><b>What are you thinking of for a birth plan?</b><br><br>
I've given birth twice at a hospital, with an OB I really admire, trust, and respect. Though I would have liked to try a birthcenter/midwife birth at some point, I'm pretty attached to this OB and want him to be at the birth of all our children. Dh feels the same. This is our last birth, so it looks like all hospital for me!<br><br>
I'm a big fan of natural labor, and have been able to have all-natural labors so far. First one was a twin/baby-b-breech labor, second one was a precipitous (sp?) labor where ds was born shortly after arriving at the hospital. I'm kind of wondering what this baby has in store for us...to be honest, I love birth. I'm very much looking forward to it.<br><br><b>What do you like to do with your free time?</b><br><br>
It seems like there's two kinds of free time....family free time and just-me free time. For family free time, I love hiking and being outdoors. We live in a city (though I'm a privacy freak, so I tend to keep the city private), and I grew up in the country...it's strange to have to seek out time in nature, but it's important to me. We go hiking and to the beach A LOT in this family. Part of it is ds1, though...with his special needs, a lot of "normal" family activities would be really difficult. Outdoors time works out perfectly, on the other hand...so it's a happy coincidence that we all love it!<br><br>
For just-me free time...in small quantities, I like to work on photographs. I do a lot of photography, both portraits and candids, and I can get lost in the digital editing process. I LOVE taking baby photos (I'm working on the cutest little 6-mo. photo shoot right now...ohmygoodness this boy is a DARLING!!).<br><br>
In large quantities, I like to quilt or garden, or get lost in a new book. It's hard as a mom of three...I don't feel like the large quantities come around often enough to really relax into them, so my efforts at gardening/quilting/reading always seem sort of scattered.<br><br>
And <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">, obviously I spend WAY TOO MUCH TIME here at MDC...it's been horrible since getting pregnant. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> For some reason pregnancy has sapped a lot of my energy (especially creative energy)...some days it seems all the mental oomph I can muster up (beyond playing/caring for the kids) is for online discussions. Maybe that's where all the reading/movie/quilting time has gone....hm.....

 

[bri276]

Will your this baby be sharing a room with another one of your kids (eventually or right away)? Just asking because this is going to happen to me and I'm interested in your plans...

 

[darkblue0729]

Have you made/bought a lot for this babe? Do you plan to?

 

[Kelly1101]

How did you meet your husband?<br><br><br>
What are you most excited about having a new baby?

 

[RedOakMomma]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>bri276</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15368717"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Will your this baby be sharing a room with another one of your kids (eventually or right away)? Just asking because this is going to happen to me and I'm interested in your plans...</div>
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Eventually, yes. Right now ds1 and dd share a room, and ds3 has his own room. The baby will cosleep with us and have her crib in our room for naps, but around a year or 18 months we like to transition kiddos out of our bed. Then, if ds3 is still willing, she'll be in his room (right now he's REALLY looking forward to it...we'll see how long that lasts!)<br><br>
The long-term plan will be to move, though I can't see that happening in the next three years. Ideally all the kids could have their own rooms, but I could see either the boys or the girls rooming together.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>darkblue0729</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15368733"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Have you made/bought a lot for this babe? Do you plan to?</div>
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I haven't. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> I don't seem to have the time or will to do it! But yes, over the summer I'm planning on making two quilts. One I've been wanting to make for a few years...I have several old shirts that belonged to my mom, and I'd like to make a scrap quilt out of those. I also always make a patchwork quilt for our kids, so there will be one of those, too. I'm running out of room in this house, though...as we're getting more settled here, there is less and less room for me to set up a quilting corner!<br><br>
...and right now I have a huge stack of terrycloth/cotton bibs to sew, though who knows when I'll get to those...<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Kelly1101</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15369155"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">How did you meet your husband?<br><br><br>
What are you most excited about having a new baby?</div>
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I met my husband on the first day of college...before classes began, even. Some of my new "friends" from my dorm floor were walking around campus, turned a corner, and bumped into a guy who was swinging a baseball bat in the dark. It was a little freaky, but he was awfully handsome. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> We talked for a while, and when I saw that same guy sitting in my very first college class the next day (poli-sci), I asked to sit next to him. That led to study dates, which led to a friendship (of over a year), and then he started asking to be more.<br><br>
I was convinced it wouldn't work, so I kept saying no. Clever man that he is, he "accepted" that and started asking out another girl. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"> Well...jealousy was quite the motivator. I said we could start going out, but told him I was sure it wouldn't work and we were ruining a great friendship. He assured me he knew otherwise. Five+ years later, we were married.<br><br>
...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Funny thing is, I still find him swinging bats/rackets/golf clubs in the dark. It's soothing for him to practice his swing over and over again.<br><br>
Most excited about having a new baby...I think I'm excited to do this for the last time. Not in a "I want to be done" kind of way, but just a "wow, this is the last time, I really need to treasure it" kind of way. It occurs to me almost every day that this is the last time I'll ever be ____ days and weeks pregnant again. It sounds corny, but I LOVE <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> every single bump and kick she gives me. I know how special this time is. As for when she's born, I think it will be similar...I look forward to every new thing.<br><br>
I think I'm especially excited, though, about seeing ds3 and dd welcome a new baby. Dd was born to be an older sister, and we're so excited she can have this. Ds3 is already singing to the baby, and can't wait to hold her. I've never brought a newborn home to children who really "get" the idea of a new sibling (with ds1&2's special needs, then with bringing dd home when she was a toddler)...this is going to be a special treat.

 

[Kelly1101]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> I love "how we met" stories. Love the part in yours where he got you to date him by asking out someone else, ROTFL.<br><br><br>
What brought you to MDC? What are your favorite subforums?<br><br><br><br>
Are you close to your extended family?

 

[RedOakMomma]

<b>What brought you to MDC? What are your favorite subforums?</b><br><br>
I came here in 2001 when I was pregnant with our first babies. My friend had given me a subscription as a gift, and I found the forum really helpful because I was the first of (most of) my friends to have children. I was only 25. It was great to be around women who had a more solid idea of what mothering/parenting meant to them. Plus it fit in with how I'd seen my one friend (of the gift subscription) parent her child...and I really respected that.<br><br>
Funny how much just one exposure to AP, at the right time, can change so much. That one friend gave me Dr. Sears' pregnancy book and a Mothering subscription, and it totally shaped how dh and I parent.<br><br>
After the big shut-down of MDC (when was that? 2001? Early 2002?) I stopped visiting. Life was really hectic and sad with the diagnoses and special needs of our twin sons. I came back in 2004 when we wanted to start TTC our third child. It took a while to do that <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">, so I was a TTC board addict.<br><br>
Favorite subforums...this one, obviously. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> Before that it was the Adoption forum. The adoption process of our daughter was years long, and I learned an incredible amount from the women in that forum (from all over the adoption triad). It's a pretty amazing place in the online world of adoption forums and discussions...really like nothing else.<br><br><b>Are you close to your extended family?</b><br><br>
Sort of. I'm close to my sister, who lives a state away, and close to my father and stepmother who live a little closer. My mom passed away five years ago and it's really changed the family dynamic, unfortunately. I have a huge family on my father's side, and I try to stay as close with them as I can. With four kids, the distance, and being one of the oldest cousins, it's not always easy.<br><br>
I'm not close with my in-laws. My MIL and I have one of those horrible DIL/MIL relationships...she's done some pretty hurtful things, and I just don't trust her. She tends to take life's most emotionally vulnerable moments and make life hell. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"> Thankfully dh and I are on the same page about it, so he just takes the kids when it's time to visit the in-laws. ALL of them live in our city. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> I want dh and the kids to have a relationship with the in-laws, but I'm no longer interested. Life's too short to keep people like that in your life, yk?

 

[Laurski]

I love your responses, ROM! So thoughtful and detailed!<br><br>
Ok, so my questions...<br><br>
1. What is your favorite book and/or movie (or both)?<br><br>
2. Where would you travel if money was no object?<br><br>
3. What has been the best thing about your pregnancy so far? The worst?

 

[boatbaby]

Why the name RedOakMama?

 

[RedOakMomma]

<b>1. What is your favorite book and/or movie (or both)?</b><br><br>
I can't pick favorites like that. Seriously. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> I have a group of books and movies I always go back to...<br><br>
Books:<br>
childhood nostalgia: Anne of Green Gables series<br>
favorite characters: To Kill a Mockingbird (one of our children is named after a character)<br>
favorite for use of language: The Great Gatsby<br>
favorite romance: Pride and Prejudice (I'm a big Jane Austen fan...our daughter is partially named after another character of hers)<br>
favorite poetry: Pablo Neruda's 100 Love Sonnets, plus a few others by Adrienne Rich..Dorothy Parker's Not Enough Rope...<br><br>
Movies:<br>
P&P, of course...Colin Firth version is better, but I like some scenes from the Kiera Knightly version, too<br>
Out of Africa<br>
Waking the Dead<br>
...lots of them, really. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br><br><b>2. Where would you travel if money was no object?</b><br><br>
Everywhere. I love travel. I also love having a big family, and being a stay at home parent, so unfortunately travel hasn't been easy the past few years. Still, we've managed to take the family to Ireland and go on a trip to Seoul, Korea (both of which were amazing).<br><br>
If money was no object, I think I'd continue the trip that was interrupted by our IUD-ignoring first pregnancy (ds1 & ds2) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">. We were in Istanbul and had to head back when we found out I was pregnant, but we were on our way to a month in India and a month in Thailand. It'd be nice to get a do-over on that one. I'd also love to take the whole family to Central America...I'm always talking about rainforests, and I'd love it if my family could see one.<br><br><b>3. What has been the best thing about your pregnancy so far? The worst?</b><br><br>
The best thing has been the kicks. I LOVE kicks and squirms and wiggles...it was one thing that was hard to imagine never feeling again (before we finally decided to have this baby). Now that this stage is here, I'm trying to enjoy every moment of it.<br><br>
The worst was (and is) the fear of something going wrong. I had a m/c last fall that was completely unexpected, so I think I've gone through a lot of the typical pregnant-after-a-loss type of emotions.<br><br><b>Why the name RedOakMama?</b><br><br>
I like the tree part, but I kind of wish I could change the "momma" part...if only to "Mama"! I always get a little name envy when I see other cool user names! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy"><br><br>
I picked it because, just before I joined MDC again in 2004, I'd planted a huge red oak in our front yard (I mean JUST before...I was still spending an hour a day watering the tree). 2004 was a rough year. Ds2 had his second brain surgery in the spring (it was a great success, but scary), Dh finally had our wedding in May (it was beautiful), and then it all came crashing down a month later when my mother died in an accident. I leaned on her a lot, and her death was very hard on me and our family (she was a special ed. teacher, too, so she really *got* what it was like to have two special needs toddlers). Life was in a bit of a tailspin for a year or more after she died, and planting that tree was very grounding. I love oaks for the symbol of strength, and I was hoping that my strength would see me through the coming years.

 

[Masel]

Saw this in new posts. I know ROM from the adoption forum where she is such a voice of reason and a great provider of information. My older DD is adopted and I had a baby last fall. I stressed a lot about this dynamic and she reassured me. Congrats! I'm so happy your DD will get to be a big sister.

 

[RedOakMomma]

Awwww....thanks, Masel! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> (Like I said, the adoption forum is a special place. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">) And yeah...one of the reasons dh was on board for this baby is because he knew dd would be such an incredible big sister. It would be weird to keep her as the youngest! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">

 

[bri276]

I have another one:<br><br>
When are you going to post some belly pictures??! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">

 

[RedOakMomma]

<b>When are you going to post some belly pictures??!</b><br><br>
This is going to sound weird, and it's certainly not a judgement, but I don't get the belly threads. I think I'm missing that connection in my brain or something. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> Makes me feel like a DDC outcast, but I have no interest in belly shots outside of recording it for my future kiddo...and even then, only doing it once or twice in the pregnancy.<br><br>
Plus really, you DO NOT want to see the stretchmarks that result from taking 15 pounds of baby to term. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> Seriously.<br>
...what's underneath is NOT pretty. If I still had a pretty belly, or even a normal stretch-marked belly, I'd probably be more into sharing pictures. As it is, I do all my belly shots with a shirt over it. Kinda boring...and more-than-the-average flubby, what with the crazy stretched out skin. Bleh.

 

[bri276]

I understand, it's everyone's right to only post what they're comfortable with no matter what!<br><br>
But I will say one of my best friends had twins when we were 17. She was huge, as she well should have been going to 37 wks with 6 lbs 2 oz and 5 lbs 10 oz babies, and I have never seen stretch marks like she had. Maybe it was just genetics or because she was still a (previously tiny!) growing teen herself when she got pregnant, but she had stretch marks not only all over the belly and boobs like expected, but down her arms to the elbow and down her legs to the knee. She was so accepting and gracious about it, especially for her age. She was a little sad that she felt like she could never wear a bikini again, though.<br><br>
Anyway, you're not a DDC outcast <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">

 

[boatbaby]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>RedOakMomma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15373219"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
I picked it because, just before I joined MDC again in 2004, I'd planted a huge red oak in our front yard (I mean JUST before...I was still spending an hour a day watering the tree). 2004 was a rough year. Ds2 had his second brain surgery in the spring (it was a great success, but scary), Dh finally had our wedding in May (it was beautiful), and then it all came crashing down a month later when my mother died in an accident. I leaned on her a lot, and her death was very hard on me and our family (she was a special ed. teacher, too, so she really *got* what it was like to have two special needs toddlers). Life was in a bit of a tailspin for a year or more after she died, and planting that tree was very grounding. I love oaks for the symbol of strength, and I was hoping that my strength would see me through the coming years.</div>
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Wow, how cool. I KNEW there had to be a story there. Thanks for sharing it!

 

[Kelly1101]

What made you decide to adopt? What was the experience like?

 

[Just1More]

How old was your dd when you brought her home?<br><br>
What will you call the baby? I know you've picked a name, but will she have a nickname, or be called a shortened version?