[my3men]

I've lurked here off and on for a few years now. The more time that passes, the more I realize how much I enjoy this forum and how close to home many of these threads hit for me. A little background, I'm a 30 year photographer with almost 3 year old identical twin boys. Though I've never labeled myself an Attachment Parenting parent(?), I did co-sleep, nurse both boys exclusively for almost two years, babywear, I still stay home with them, etc. I really feel I could pour myself into the whole AP movement but my husband is pretty much the complete opposite of me which leads me to the point of this post.<br><br>
I'l lstart by saying I think my boys are really good children. We've never had issues with biting, pushing, spitting, stealing toys, tantrums or anything. They're biggest issue whining and reacting to disciplline or things not going there way with tears and shrills. Oh, and they like to throw toys in the air and watch them fall (but who doesn't, right?) The problem is, I feel like my husband is too hard on them. The offenses I listed above are TOTALLY unacceptable to him at ALL times! I feel like he just corrects themall day and it's very stressful for me and makes me hate weekends. He even corrects for them using "mm-hm and uh-uh" unstead of yes sir and no sir and saying "gotta" instead of have to. It's sickening to me. He's not yelling when he corrects it, but he takes on this kind of drill sargeant voice that's just as bad.<br><br>
The OTHER problem is, because they're scared of him, they do seem to behave better around him and just let it all hang out with me. He makes me feel like I'm the failing parent because they "take advantage" of me and not him. It's really a frustrating situation. So my question is have any of you found a way to make GD work when you're the only one on board? I don't want my kids to be totally confused. He says they'll just grow up knowing what to expect from each parent. Kind of makes sense but I'm just not sure. Sorry I made my first post here a freakin novel but just not sure where else to get some support on this issue. Thanks so much and I'm excited about being a part of this community <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">.

 

[NellieKatz]

I hear you and want to lend my support. I used to be the kind of parent your DH is, and my Dad was that way too (only add to that a lot of anger and violence).<br><br>
How was your DH parented? Just curious.<br><br>
It's a big issue, the issue of how to approach people...as free, individual humans who thrive in an environment of choice and love, versus as creatures who must be forced & trained to be good, and forced to learn, and punished when they deviate, etc.<br><br>
This debate is as old as the hills. I'm with you, by the way, and I want to support you and say you are not the "failing parent." There is nothing that makes a person parent WORSE than the fear of failure. Choose your method and then believe in yourself. The self-doubt is murder.<br><br>
Here is a resource that you may find useful. Everyone can, even non-parents:<br><a href="http://www.cnvc.org/" target="_blank">http://www.cnvc.org/</a><br><br>
I'd like to talk to you offline (send me a private message) and lend you an ear when you need it. I've been in your shoes, sort of....only the two people were both inside MY head! (like in the cartoons when you have an angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other, and they are both telling you the opposite advice)

 

[my3men]

Nellie thank you so much! And to be honest, I have a devil/angel party going on in my head as well but the devil is basically my own sometimes bad temper. I've really learned to control it except on those days where I feel like I'm doing everything and getting nowhere. I'd love to chat with you as well<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">. It's been weighing so heavily on me that I think I'm going to have a talk with my husband tonight and I will definitely let you know how that turns out.

 

[NellieKatz]

Excellent! I can't wait to hear from you. Good luck.