[Sijae]

I hear a lot of people complaining about threads where people are not 100% loving in their attempts to educate parents that come here for advice.

First of all, sometimes a parent will come here and say things that are so outrageous that a nice and loving response is unwarranted. If someone went to the gentle discipline forum and said they believe in whipping infant children and that all parents should have the right to choose wether they care for their babies with love or pain would you expect the GD folks to say something along the lines of "I don't agree with whipping infants but I think all parents need to do what is right for their families?" or "whipping babies is wrong, here are links to resources that prove it to be wrong but I'm sure you're doing the best you can" I don't think it would go that way.

Second, I don't think everyone learns the same way. I'm one of those people that not only enjoys a rousing debate but I also learn well from conflict. Often in the past I have argued harshly against something and discovered as I did that the other impassioned and yes often confrontational responses were changing my mind.

I don't think it's necessary to treat every misinformed, uneducated or simply heartless parent with kid gloves. I'm not one to walk on eggshells. There are people here who fill the role of compassionate and gentle advice. There are other people who work to effect someone's opinion with confrontation.

I think it's a mistake to assume everyone reacts to conflict the same way, that everyone learns in the same way and that everyone will change their opinions through gentle persuasion. Sometimes gentle persuasion isn't enough.

Now I usually offer advice or opinions in a "this is my experience" kind of way "take it or leave it." But in regards to circumcision I can't think that way. I believe that circumcision is abuse, is mutilation, is amputation, is harmful, is terrible parenting. Yes I think all those negative words apply.

Now I am compassionate and understanding of parents who come here seeking info with an open mind, who come here and realize they made a mistake (or figured it out before they came here). I would never say something to try to make a parent feel any worse than they do. But when a parent comes here and is blatantly pro-circ and the loving and gentle responses of other people are not having any effect on them, then I consider it my duty to post in my own style of confrontation.

I think it would lesson the boards effect if all responses were non-confrontational. It would also get pretty boring.

Laura

 

[kldliam]

hallelujah!

Um. We are in the minority here Laura. Most everyone here will disagree with you...but nadda me.

 

[PuppyFluffer]

It is fine to be strong in your opinion but it is necessary to be polite in how you say what you say.

I am not saying that you have to candy coat any of the facts. Just that you are obligated to abide by the user agreement.

 

[Ivan's Mom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sijae I believe that circumcision is abuse, is mutilation, is amputation, is harmful, is terrible parenting. Laura

Me too.

 

[PuppyFluffer]

And saying "I believe....." is the perfect way to phrase that. It is fine to express your opinion. Owning your statements of opinion is fine. Namecalling is not. I can be a subtle difference.

 

[cynthia mosher]

Quote:

I think it's a mistake to assume everyone reacts to conflict the same way, that everyone learns in the same way and that everyone will change their opinions through gentle persuasion. Sometimes gentle persuasion isn't enough.

I agree - to an extent. Some react to conflict in a way that clearly conveys they do not appreciate that approach, do not want it, and sometimes even make that clear in their replies but they are ignored. It is important to recognize that and back off rather than push forward, thinking you can bring about something positive. Such an approach can cause more harm than good for the child, the member, the thread, and the forum atmosphere as a whole.

 

[kldliam]

NOT showing anger prevents the question: if it is so bad, why are people not angry?

Showing anger constructively can be a very difficult task sometimes. It requires much practice.

 

[PuppyFluffer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kldliam NOT showing anger prevents the question: if it is so bad, why are people not angry? Showing anger constructively can be a very difficult task sometimes. It requires much practice.

I agree. Constructively expressed anger is certainly a fine art!