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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>*fingers crossed*</p>
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<p>One of my best friends who is a single Mom too, has had to look for a new house to move to and she knows of my situation and we talked, and she knows what I can afford a month, and I will be watching her kids at night while she works overnights as a nurse... She had me come look at a house today that is big enough for all of us and she is putting a bid in. She is pretty confident that she will get it.  If so, we will move in March. </p>
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<p>I'm scared and excited all at the same time.  My parents of course are doing their normal freak out put me down thing and telling me how it's not going to work and how I don't care about my children and only myself and that this is like the worse possible thing I could be doing.</p>
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<p>I know there is going to be a lot of adjustment... but overall I think in the end it will be good for us. My friend and I tend to bring out the best in each other. I have seen this since the start of our friendship. I owe a lot to her for reminding me to believe in myself. I credit going to the gym and starting school to her lighting a fire under my ass. </p>
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<p>I can only imagine what life will be like... as REAL adult without an abusive husband or toxic parents putting me down and telling me I can't. I think a lot more growth is ahead of me... and that is pretty exciting.</p>
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<p>I hope this all works out... that she gets the house and that her and I can make it all work for each other and that we can help each other and make a nice life for all of our kids. :D</p>
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<p>It's also in my school alma matar district, which has been a dream of mine to have my kids go there too. It's one of the best in the area. So if we are still here in 2 years my daughter will be able to go to a really good school. :D</p>
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<p>I really really hope this all works out.  *fingers crossed*</p>
 

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<p>SQUEE!! I am so thrilled for you and have my fingers crossed that the house works out!</p>
 

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<p>that is a great great update!!! So glad to hear!</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
<p>Is it really great?  lol</p>
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<p>Ugh... My Mom of course is in my ear, day and night. I can't catch a break without her prattling on about how messed up it is that I am thinking about doing this and how messed up it is for me to move my kids out of their home. And that I'm not getting any benefit out of this move and how hard it's going to be. </p>
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<p>Oh lets not forget about how this is making me more of a bad Mom because it means my kids will be in daycare from 7 am til 4:30 pm. Like most kids with working parents... But she feels working parents are wrong... I just can't win. </p>
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<p>Help? Am I doing the right thing?</p>
 

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<p>Yes. A happy home is a home where the mother is happy.  Your kids deserve a happy home.</p>
 

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<p>this is your mom abusing you even more. she is desperately trying to regain control of you. please ignore her. that sounds like a wonderful situation! even if it's  hard work taking care of the other kids it is still better then being in an abusive home and it means you can pass along your values to your kids, instead of their values. you have to imagine leaving your parents home as if you were ending another relationship, just like when you left your ex. you are SO doing the right thing!!! </p>
 

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7-4:30 is totally normal! DS has been in full time since 9 weeks old and does FINE.<br><br>
He's bright, social, creative, very solidly attached to me and his dad. He's changed caregivers.three times and each time transitioned beautifully. There is no harm in full time day care!!!
 

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<p>Woohoo!  Don't listen to your mom.  And if this sitch doesn't work out, then try again for a similar deal.  I do disagree about day care not being harmful, though.  It's just like parenting...good care is beneficial.  Adequate care is not harmful.  Bad care is harmful.  I know you live in a part of PA that values education, etc. so likely you can find decent care.  I live in a rural Southern state that doesn't.  Most of the daycare here sucks, so mamas have to look extra hard.</p>
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<p>Sure, daycare is not the most ideal place for kids to be allllll day, but it sure beats any amount of "quality" time they spend with your parents!! You're a single working mom. What other choice is there? </p>
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<p>When your mom gets on your case, just smile and ignore her. Ask how her day has been, ask what time she's going to bed, ask what color she likes best for drapes in a room with whatever paint color exists in your potential new home, does this outfit look alright, did you hear about that recent news story? Stuff like that. </p>
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<p>I always say that if I had ever taken my mom's advice about ANYTHING in my life, I would have made all the same mistakes she did and be right where she is...living in her mom's garage. I decided a long time ago that the best people to get advice from are the ones who have been through what I've been through and have the things I want to have. Things like close loving relationships with their children, financial stability, their own home, time to spend with friends and family, stuff like that. Things that my mom will likely never ever have. </p>
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<p>It really sounds like things are going to be great in your new place. Away from such negativity. No one can live with constant criticism without losing their mind at some point. I would have been kicked out a long time ago because I just can't bite my tongue when people get on my case without good reason. Your folks are just terrible people. You somehow turned out to be a real nice person. Birds of a feather should flock together. So get outta there as fast as you can!!</p>
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<p>Yea!!! I bet your mom is going to panic when you move out! Who's life will she be able to make miserable?  Just nake sure you and your friend set the living rules before you move in together, like who buys what, decorates where, can eat what, cleans what and buys what food etc. And communicate!!!! Very very happy for you!!!</p>
 

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<p>Hooray!  How exciting is that?  Your DC will be just fine in daycare.  Don't let your mom get to you!</p>
 

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<p>I have to agree with the other mamas who say that your mother is desperately attempting to shoot you down in an effort to regain control over you. You're her whipping post; of course she doesn't want to let you go.</p>
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<p>As for kids being in daycare, from 7h00 to 16h30, I see absolutely no problem with that. DD has been in daycare since she was 10 months old, and though it was a tough transition at first, her social skills sky-rocketted. When I put her in the large daycare center she's been in for the last 2 years, her verbal skills really expanded. I know some mamas believe that being at home is best, but that's just not possible for a lot of mothers, and daycare is an excellent alternative.</p>
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<p>Keep your eye on the prize and put your abusive mother on MUTE.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>provocativa</strong> <a href="/community/t/1343513/squee-i-may-be-moving#post_16853369"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p>Woohoo!  Don't listen to your mom.  And if this sitch doesn't work out, then try again for a similar deal.  I do disagree about day care not being harmful, though.  It's just like parenting...good care is beneficial.  Adequate care is not harmful.  Bad care is harmful.  I know you live in a part of PA that values education, etc. so likely you can find decent care.  I live in a rural Southern state that doesn't.  Most of the daycare here sucks, so mamas have to look extra hard.</p>
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My kids are already in a great daycare now. The move is only going to add another 2 hours to their day there. But they both love it. Both have made friends in their classrooms and with all the teachers. All the teachers of the whole center know all the kids names, whether they are in their class or not. I like that. I like that when I picked my daughter up the one day she went skipping down the hallway saying goodbye to every teachers/kid she saw by their name. She is very at home there. My DS usually doesn't want to leave right away and he points at everything all around the room and babbles excitedly to me as I gather his coat and cups. I know they are in a good place and I really like the director there. She really cares about people and does her best to work with everyone's unique situations.</p>
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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>hillymum</strong> <a href="/community/t/1343513/squee-i-may-be-moving#post_16854050"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p>Yea!!! I bet your mom is going to panic when you move out! Who's life will she be able to make miserable?  Just nake sure you and your friend set the living rules before you move in together, like who buys what, decorates where, can eat what, cleans what and buys what food etc. And communicate!!!! Very very happy for you!!!</p>
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My friend and I have been talking about all of this. We both want it to work because we both feel we do have stuff to gain from this. We recognize it will be an adjustment and challenging, but we think in the long run it has a lot of positives too. We will each get built in kid-care. Which is sweet. We already agree on a lot of house rules and parent our children very similiarly too. We have been talking about buying out own food for everything but dinner, and meal planning together for dinners and sharing cooking and splitting costs of the shared meals. We have also discussed a chore chart so each of us know what we are responsible for in a given week.</p>
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<p>The house will essentially be hers, and decorating will be her through most of the house, which doesn't bother me. That's my situation now. But my room and my children's room is our own private space and she said I could even paint if I wanted to in those rooms. And some of our things like the kid's toys will be in the shared space. We are trying to figure out how to portion off part of the living room for a shared play area for all of the kids.</p>
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<p>There is a large enough yard for us to put in a shared garden too. :)</p>
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<p>I think the house is large enough and with me working full time, I think we won't be around each other enough to get really in each other's way. Our kids are on the same visitation schedule too. Plus, I have a good feeling that once we move, my parents will be begging for weekend time. lol</p>
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<p>Thank you Mamas for your support. I'm scared and excited. I do think if I can get away from my parents... I will be better off mentally. I'm still fighting some of the same demons. So it will be nice to catch a break in that. :)</p>
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<p>I am so excited for you! This sounds awesome. You can do it!  A shared garden- how wonderful!</p>
 

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<p>That's great! <span><img alt="bouncy.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1327950601710_163" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/bouncy.gif"></span></p>
 

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<p><span><img alt="joy.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1327992521646_162" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/joy.gif">  YAY!!! I'm so glad for you PM! You certainly deserve this! Best wishes that it will all work out for the best with you both. </span></p>
 
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