[makbear]

My 3yo DS is starting preschool in a few weeks and I just need some ideas/suggestions on how to make this an easy transition for him. He will be going twice weekly for 3 hours. The only times I have left him in the past have been at our home, with an immediate family member (and that isn't very often)... so I'm a little concerned. We've been talking about it a ton and reading books about it, but what do other parents do? I know this will be good for him, he needs the social interaction, but I don't want it to be traumatic for him. I know it will be hard for me too

We've been planning on sending him this fall for awhile, but now that its getting closer, I'm freaking out. He still seems ok with the idea, but I'm not sure that he'll fully understand until I have to leave him. We'll be going to parents day the week before it starts, and spending the day at the school with him, I don't know if this will make it easier or harder... Any thoughts?

 

[miasmommy]

Ooh, I feel for you.My DD is 2.5 and she started her pre school. It was much harder on me- she LOVES it. She is my only & she really enjoys other kids.

I would drive by the school with her & she would get really interested in seeing the kids outside playing. I even took her inside once or twice just to poke around.

We also shopped for a back pack, a lunch bag & some "school clothes".

Her school also has an awesome Web site so we would "visit" it every day or so.

It's so hard to leave them ((( HUGS))

Good Luck!

miasmommy

 

[mightymoo]

Have you talked with the school about how they help you transition? It sounds like you are doing great starting to prepare him now. Make sure you are explicit about letting him know you will not be staying at the school, otherwise he may just be thinking it will be a new place to go with you and he won't be wrapping his head around going alone. Talk about how other children will be there without their parents, how there will be a teacher to take care of him, etc.

The most important time is just before he starts and when he starts. The week before, drive by the school, go in if you can, show him where he'll be going, talk to him about the fun things he'll be doing.

I have found whenever I leave DD at something she has a great time, but the actual leaving is the hardest. A lot of daycares and preschools try to "help" by picking the child up and carrying them off and trying to engage them, but this is often traumatic for the child and it irks me when they do that. For my DD, the best transition is if I come in and stay with her while she adjusts to the environment. Often, she will take 5 or 10 minutes and just look around and then get excited about what the other kids are doing and will join them. I can leave at this point without incident (I do make sure to say goodbye either before she gets engaged or after). However, if the staff tries to engage her the moment she walks through the door, it will be a rough transition.

So, its useful to talk to the staff about how they handle it and how you would like to have it handled. Make sure to let them know, you don't mind staying for 10-15 minutes to get him settled. I think a lot of them assume you are trying to get to work and need to leave immediately.

Remember too that he may say he doesn't want to go when he really does. My daughter went to a little preschool / creative arts thing two days a week from Feb to June this year. She loved it, she was excited about it, if I told her she was going tomorrow she'd dance around, she'd be all excited all morning. Recently when we went over the summer to the same place, she'd be really excited then we'd get there and she'd say 'I don't want to go!' This was frustrating me to no end! I found that if when she said 'I don't want to go' I said, okay, and we shut the car doors and looked like we made to leave she'd immediately say 'I want to go!'. So just keep in mind what they are expressing verbally may not match what they really want. She probably just doesn't know how to tell me what she really wants.

 

[annekevdbroek]

MY son started at a school, had a bad experience, and I moved him to another school. He recently graduated up to a new classroom. With the move to the new school and the new classroom I was very concerned about making the transition as smooth as possible. With the move to the new school I actually came to school with him and stayed with him for several hours, then took him home, for two weeks. He did wonderfully when I started leaving him on his own. With the move to the new classroom we talked a lot about it etc. and then I stayed the first hour or so the first 3 or 4 times.

I agree with PP that most of the drama will come when you try to leave. Most days my son will get engaged and be fine, other days he doesn't want me to leave. However, if I linger outside the door he will settle in and start playing within a few minutes of my departure - despite the apparent upset when I depart. I've found the teachers very helpful in engaging him when I have to leave (I work on 2 of the days that he goes to school).

One of the signs of problems at the first school - the one we quit - was that he would cry a long time, and still be crying 5 or 6 hours later when I came to get him.

 

[swissmiss]

I hope that mightymoo's advice is right in my case too.

Sorry to hijack the thread, but my ds is 4 and keeps saying that he does not want to go to pre-school or even the 2x/wk playgroup in our town. I am too indulgent with him and hesitate to force him into it, but it would be great if he liked it since he is an only and there aren't kids around here to play with, or rather, they all speak German. That's the main reason we want him to join a group, to learn the language.

We start Aug. 21, so here's hoping that his protests are not going to be too drastic!

 

[MizLiz]

Can you stay with your ds for the first day or two (for the full time, or at least part of it) so he doesn't just focus on the fact that he is there without a family member for the first time? I did this with my ds when he was the same age and starting a twice a week afternoon program. Some of the teachers weren't crazy about my being there, for some reason, but my presence helped ds to see all of the activities that the program offered. The first couple of days we went he was a bit reserved as he knew that he would eventually be going on his own, but he also knew that I would stay with him until he was ready for that. He was soon ready to go on his own. If you can't do this, perhaps you can take him in for a visit before the program starts so he can look around. Also, see if the people who run the program can hook you up with the parents of some of the other children who will be attending so he can possibly meet some of his future school mates. The more familiar he is with it the better.

My dd starts preschool this year (even though we will be homeschooling starting next year) and I hope her transition is as smooth as it was for her brother.

Good luck!

 

[**guest**]

I'm nervous about this too. I've never left ds with someone he doesn't know. My ds can't speak well so it's not like he'll be able to tell me what happened when I pick him up. I'm REALLY nervous about it.
Since it's a public school, they do NOT let the parent come into the classroom. You have to drop the child off at the outside door!! I do not like that AT ALL.
I'm not sure how I'm going to tell the teacher that I do NOT want my son crying for a long period of time. I used to work in preschools and some kids would just cry and cry and pretty much hide in a corner all day. We weren't allowed to call the parents for that. (I ended up quitting).

I will probably tell the teacher that I will stay in the office for an hour and that someone can either get me or call me on my cell if ds is having trouble settling. They better accept that or I will just refuse to send him.

 

[girlsmamma2]

We too are sending dd to a public preschool in a few weeks. She is in a 4's class. We decided against sending her last year for the threes class and i will tell you the difference is major in her ability to communicate. The decision was hard to decide not to do it last year, because I thought too she needed the social interaction etc. But instead we found a music class we could do together with her sister so I could be with her to help with any negative situations she couldn't process by herself. At the time the decision was super hard, looking back I can't believe i even thought to send her at 3. But like you, even at 4 I'm freaking out cuz it's only a few weeks away.

The things we have done to prepare this year are meet the teacher a couple times, go to the school and walk around a bunch, play on the playground to get familiar with her ability to handle the equipment, and talk talk talk. I still don't know if she totally gets me not going to be there, and like you said she's never been left any other time than at our own house with her grandparents for a couple hours so this is HUGE!

I can go the first day for an orientation but they don't have a park day or anything like that to get familiar with the other kids. I also have to stay in the lobby and the teacher takes all the kids to the classroom once they are all there. But one thing i WILL be doing with my other dd and ds, is lurking the halls and peeking in to see what is going on without her or the teacher knowing. If i get any flack for this from anyone i will set them straight. I can't depend on them to tell me if she is having a hard time. I gotta see if it's a good experience for myself.

If you have the option of staying with him for a while, then I'd do that. I don't as I asked that last year and they said it wasn't encouraged, part of why we didn't send her. So I am willing to give it a try this year to make sure she doesn't miss anything positive she could get out of the situation, but I will pull her if it doesn't go well. I have a couple back up classes I can do in place of it, a music one we'd do together and a spanish one that she'd just go to.

good luck mamma....go with your gut. No decision is forever or set in stone.

 

[marieangela]

I've been worrying about the same thing. My 3 1/2 year old ds has only been left with family. Could I ask what books you've been reading and which one or ones you like best? I've been meaning to get ahold of some books to read to my ds. Certainly talking and reading about preschool are good things to do. I've been talking to ds about it and he is obviously not too keen on me not staying with him. I've tried to stress that I'll be back and that I always come back.

One idea that I had was to leave him at the play place at the grocery store by himself for a quick shopping trip and see how that goes. He's been showing an interest in the toys and such when he sees the play room, but has yet to go in. Today we were on our way to the bathroom before we started shopping and he saw the play place and said he would like to try it. We signed him in and everything, but when the woman opened the door to let him in he kind of quivered like he was going to cry and turned to me. I didn't want to force him into it, so we just shopped as usual.

I really feel like I need to get him to the preschool before it starts, but I'm a pretty introverted person and I have a hard time requesting visits when nothing is set up already and such. I really need to work on it for his sake.

 

[makbear]

Quote:

Originally Posted by marieangela Could I ask what books you've been reading and which one or ones you like best?

We've read "I am Absolutely Too Small for School" by Lauren Child, and also "The Berenstain Bears Go to School". I am going to our local library on Monday to look for more, so I'll let you know if I find anything good.

 

[**guest**]

I got the book Ready, Set, Preschool. I also bought a bargain book at Barnes & Noble that has a clock on it and it talks about different activities during the day and what time they start (including school). Of course, you can change the time if it doesn't match your own schedule.

The more I think about this, the more I'm thinking that this school really won't work for us. I mean, it IS a public school and is more like a warehouse (in that they don't really care about the individual child).

 

[mightymoo]

Ode - if you don't feel comfortable with the school, go with your instincts. You might look for something else you can start him out in. In my town they have a program at the community center where a wonderful SAHM whose daughters are in HS now does a little preschool thing, but she says the parents can either drop off or stay with the child. A lot of the parents stayed and it was a great way to get a child used to the idea of school and how much fun they can have without the anxiety of leaving you. You could look for something like that.

DD used to go to a daycare two afternoons a week where we used to live (she had been going since 3 mo when I used to work, we just kept her going after I stayed at home) - we just called it school and she loved going - it was a very small daycare run by a fabulous caring woman (not a chain, etc). You might just look for a situation like that, a small daycare with a few kids your son can relate to and that you feel comfortable leaving him with - call it school, it doesn't matter if they do circle time or not and that would give him a much better transition into the idea of being away from you.