[dswmom]

No, I'm not pregnant and having a contraction--(this would actually be much easier to deal with)instead, I'm beginning to feel the pressure of standing up for my beliefs as a parent, which aren't exactly "in line" with the rest of my dh's family (or mine either, but it's easier for me to tell my family directly how I feel about something versus his).

Ok, so my ds is 2 and dh and I have always exposed him to healthy food and eating habits. He still nurses and was exclusively bf until 12months. We stay away from sweets mostly (a little ice cream here and there and with the holiday season, he's had a few more tastes of things than I'd really like for him to), but he eats so much good stuff. The problem is with my extended family's attitude about dessert and sweet stuff. How do you just tell them to back off without completely being an a**?!

 

[IncaMama]

i find that being blunt and absolutely unwilling to "go there" with them works for me. if i start whipping out my "reasons" it somehow makes them think that i'm willing to discuss it. our son is OUR son - we make ALL of the decisions regarding his nutrition, care, discipline, etc...they used to try to give him cookies all the time, and i simply said that he doesn't eat that stuff and handed him some banana, soy cheese, or some veggie booty.

honestly, make it a non-issue. it's not up for debate, kwim? "what's that, darling MIL? the sky is green? no, it's not. it's blue." period.

good luck!

 

[LovemyBoo]

I hear you.

It's not easy, though if you are consistant and stand your ground it will get easier. Especially if you just live with your reputation as "the wierd one".

Decide now what is really worth fighting for and what you are willing to let go of a bit. Make sure to discuss it with your dp so you are both on the same page. Some grandparents feel it is their right to spoil the grandkids a bit and, honestly, I agree. Can you find treats that are acceptable for your family to give your kids? Or can you tell them that when dc is 3 s/he may have a little treat? In other words can you find some middle ground with them?

Fight for what is worth it, find a compromise for what isn't, and if they won't respect your wishes you are right to limit their time with your kids and not allow any unsupervised visits. Get your dp in your corner, doing this alone is miserable. Good luck!

 

[nicole lisa]

Definitely get DH/DP on board with anything tyou do cause it just makes it that much easier.

When DS was younger (he's 4 now), I would get pretty upset at what his grandparents (both sides) would want to feed him. I fought a lot of battles. But by 2 I found a middle ground and I think it was easier because we live 6-8 hours drive away from either set of grandparents. So our middle ground is anything done out of the home, with respect to food, can be undone at home. And DS knows those foods have never been offered in our house so he doesn't even ask when we get back from visiting.

So we're dairy-free but if the GPs want to give him ice cream he can have some. No harm is going to come from the four or five times a year he has it and, truthfully, he only has a spoonful or two and then says he's done. His body is used to eating a particular way and it craves those same foods, so it doesn't matter what they offer him after a few bites or a day of eating junk foods he's back to wanting his regular fare.

Getting to this place took some letting go and I think it was in line with the other letting gos I started in DS's 2nd year.

HTH,
Nicole.

 

[Kirsten]

I totally agree with teaching them the habits of healthy eating! But I think if we go too far that way, they will sneak candy bars at every opportunity. I would pick my battles. For me, I am providing healthy choices at my house. When we are at Gramma's house, they SHOULD get a cookie! It is Gramma's!

I think there are things that just are not negotiable - for me that is pop or anything with caffiene, fake sugar (REALLY bad for anyone!), anything that makes them sick (I nannied for a boy with dairy allergies and he had relatives who would give him cheese because he liked it - well, I KNOW but it makes him SICK...)

To me, stuff like cookies are a treat - we don't have them in the house much; we don't make a habit of eating them; they are an occassional treat. If your son sees his grandparents once or twice a month, I don't think a cookie or a chicken nugget will hurt him. If he is at their house multiple times a week, then you have a harder situation.

What do they want to feed him that you don't want him to have?

 

[Thmom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by michelemiller i find that being blunt and absolutely unwilling to "go there" with them works for me. if i start whipping out my "reasons" it somehow makes them think that i'm willing to discuss it. our son is OUR son - we make ALL of the decisions regarding his nutrition, care, discipline, etc...they used to try to give him cookies all the time, and i simply said that he doesn't eat that stuff and handed him some banana, soy cheese, or some veggie booty. honestly, make it a non-issue. it's not up for debate, kwim? "what's that, darling MIL? the sky is green? no, it's not. it's blue." period. good luck!

Ditto! this is what has worked for us (it's important that dh is "there" too) I have a pic my aunt took at Thanskgiving one year when my oldest was just 6m. My dear father

was insitant on giving him a spoonful of pie (I was okay with the mashed potatoes but not pie) it's a horrible picture showing me protecting my son from my own father, from the looks of it you'd think he was trying to kill him but still... I had to physically keep my father from giving him pie and the worse part was that everyone else there thought it was funny

 

[dswmom]

Thank you all for your support and advice. I realize that part of my "problem" with all this is that no one in my dh's family wants to talk about the decisions we make for our son. I think it goes deeper than me being angry at them for wanting to give him a piece a cake the size of Texas with a side of a half pint of vanilla ice cream (ok, it wasn't that big, but that's the way my eyes saw it!!)...really, it's about understanding. Understanding our parenting as a whole...not just the "weird" parts, i.e. extended bf, co-sleeping, no sugar, caffeine etc.

I've always had a great relationship with my mother-in-law. She is truly a sweetheart and loves her grandkids so much. I know she doesn't ever intend to cause harm. (My dh and I talk about this and he is totally in agreement with me and does help---of course, like I told him, it's different because it's not my mom. If it was, I'd be more direct.) But, I feel like I can't talk to her as well as I used to about my son. It's as if she is closed about the topic in a way I've never seen her before. Almost as if she agrees with what I'm doing or saying, she is in someway agreeing that she was doing something wrong with the other grandkids.

So, I will pick my battles, like you all suggested and continue to be who I am as a parent and not make any apologies for it.

 

[judybean]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dswmom So, I will pick my battles, like you all suggested and continue to be who I am as a parent and not make any apologies for it.

Exactly. I think this is the best attitude to take. You don't have to apologize for what you're doing .. and I do like the idea of making it a non-negotiable ... but picking your battles is important as well.