Starting to worry about VBAC

Hiya, Laurie

Here are my thoughts, coming from a mama w/ a DD the same age and expecting a VBAC baby in February too:

My gut feeling is that you are too concerned about trying to "manage" and "control" a birth that hasn't even really yet begun. I'm a control queen, so I know how hard it has been for me to try and accept the VBAC mentality and to learn to let go of the need to micromanage everything and everyone around me. There isn't anything wrong with being proactive and being prepared, but I think that worrying you're not doing "enough" is symptomatic of a deep down fear of losing control over the situation.

I am trying to keep the mindset that birth is a natural process and there is little that I can really do to change that. The VBAC is a big, important hope for me, but I also have the presence of mind to know that things (especially in a hospital situation) do not always go as planned....posterior babes for one.

Try to release yourself from the worries of "what if" in the meantime. They are too much along the lines of seeking out problems.

With my DD, I was all psyched up to have a natural birth and had a mostly supportive OB behind me. Unfortunately, at my last pre-natal appt I had a high BP and was spilling protein. I was sent across the street to the hospital "just to check" and didn't leave for five days. : The cascade of an induction leading to an epidural (and I'm claustrophobic, terrified of being unable to move) which led to a freaked out OB-on-call who convinced me that I couldn't deliver a big baby...straight on to a c-sxn.

I think part of it was buying into the medical interventions. I begged to go home on the first day just to get my bag, but no one listened. I never asked about alternative options for controlling my BP or why my OB didn't say something at the previous visit when I presented with only slightly lower BP. It was my due date, I was expected to simply be induced and that was the end of that. Now, I know better. There are alternatives to nearly every intervention and I am so much more empowered about myself as a mother that I feel I can handle more things and make more informed decisions. I wasn't a mother before the first birth, but now I think I can find depths in me that I have never plumbed just because of how important it is to me to make the effort to give my baby an unmedicated VBAC delivery.

Whew! I don't know if this missive helps or hurts you, but it sure felt good to me. I just know that I am really working on adapting to the mindset of letting the birth "happen" and that it really won't matter in the end if I did an extra set of Kegels or not. Positive imagery and a soul-deep belief in my ability to birth is what is giving me the peace I have been seeking.

You're doing all the right things. Unfortunately, we cannot control the outcome of our birth. We can plan, make informed choices, and try not to let our providers dictate everything that will happen, but birth is not always about what is within our control. So, to some degree, there is an amount of worrying that is taking us out of where we are right now, so we miss out on the beauty of the pregnancy.

You're educating yourself, your desire for a VBAC is great, and you are healthy. Don't beat yourself up over what you're NOT doing - and trust that if you nurture yourself, learn more about your choices, and have open communication with your provider, things will be so much better with this birth. But, there is only so much you can do right now in regards to the actual outcome of this next birth. What you cannot do right now can be released to trust in whatever higher power (if you have one) you choose.

Even if you birth with another cesarean, it sounds like you will have a vastly different experience - that you will be more informed of your choices, be an active participant, etc.

That said, you are at a higher risk for having a successful, empowering VBAC. Henci Goer's book is fabulous - I would buy it and have it to reference to once you've checked it out from the library. Read some VBAC birth stories here and other places on the net. Write down some affirmations and positive thoughts, posting them around your house.

Having some anxiety and being hopeful about your birth is normal. Expect the best outcome!