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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm unsure about a relationship of mine. We've been friends for 3+ years, and I quite like her, for the most part. We basically agree on parenting issues, and I like chatting with her.<br>
According to her recent FB posts, she thinks that something I'm doing is morally reprehensible, and basically puts me in the "scum of the earth" category (my words, not hers). It's not directed specifically at me, just at anyone who does this thing (which is most people).<br><br>
She's getting more and more vocal and vulgar about it (cursing, namecalling, etc). I'm beginning to dread reading her status updates. I should add that in the beginning of our friendship, I did this thing much less often than I do it now, and she knows this. She also knows I agree with her on some points. (Also want to add that what she's doing is likely quite inneffective at converting people <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/disappointed.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="disappointed">)<br><br>
I'm not a super sensitive sort- I had a friend in school who believed, and told me straightup, I was going to hell because I wasn't Christian. She also said she loved me, and thought I was a good person, etc, it was just her religious belief. It didn't bother me. At all, actually. And I'm still good friends with her.<br><br>
But this current friend...I'm not sure I want to hang out with someone who sees me as "one of the worst excuses of a human being of all time" (again, lumping me in with most other people in the world). I'm not sure why she'd want to hang out with me. I'm not sure if she even does <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br>
She dated a guy recently who does this thing. She wasn't happy about it, but dealt with it. I dunno- maybe her opinion has gotten stronger since?<br><br>
I've never had this happen. All my friendships thus far, we have either stayed friends or just drifted apart. We don't always agree, but I can usually agree to disagree. I've never felt a need to decide anything about it, kwim? But now- I feel like I need to decide something.<br><br>
eta- This may be relevant- her only downside, imo, is that sometimes she speaks/acts like she's superior to others. She's made some comments sort of dissing people who are poor. I grew up poor (though people wouldn't have known) and had some poor friends. Those comments sort of bugged me.
 

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I would probably make a joke. Probably not the best solution or what a lot of people would do but that is what my friends and family would expect.<br><br>
For example, if she was referring to beer drinkers as "scum of the earth" I would probably say something like "What a coincidence, the beer I am currently drinking is called 'scum of the earth. It is v. nice.'" or something similar.<br><br>
I have made about 1400 political jokes on one of my drum corp instructors FB page, we disagree politically but that doesn't mean I don't respect him. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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I like abimommy's idea. But, she's funnier than I am! So, I'd probably discuss it with her privately, and then let it go. If she continued to spout off about it, I'd probably just stop checking her updates. I'm sorry about the fact that she is putting you down, even in a off handed way.
 

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Honestly, I would probably lay it on the line for her: that she is choosing to judge people, in a kind of nasty way, and that includes you, and you actually love her and are her friend, but you don't want to be spoken to/of in that way.<br><br>
I tend to think that when we actually meet/know people who live or think or love a certain way, we get more thoughtful about our preconcieved notions about that thinking/living/loving, etc. But it requires patience to be someone's test case.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I'd probably hide her status updates and drink my beer in private when she isn't around. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
( You know if it's beer drinkers who are the scum of the earth.)
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Penelope</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15406752"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Honestly, I would probably lay it on the line for her: that she is choosing to judge people, in a kind of nasty way, and that includes you, and you actually love her and are her friend, but you don't want to be spoken to/of in that way.</div>
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Yes, that would be ideal. I'm going to work on summoning the courage to do this. I think it needs to be done, if only for my own peace of mind.<br>
I am fairly certain (though I could be wrong) that she will say something that implies that she's ok with judging people who do this thing, and that they ought to be judged as harshly as she is judging people. Including me.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I'd probably hide her status updates and drink my beer in private when she isn't around.<br><br>
( You know if it's beer drinkers who are the scum of the earth.)</td>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> That's what I've been doing. I must say, it's a wise idea!
 

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Is her disdain stemming from Christian beliefs or teachings? Because if that were the case and it were me, I'd mention that Jesus's companions were fishermen (poor), tax collectors (despised) and prostitutes (discarded) and warned the holier-than-thou types of his day to <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%207:1-12&version=NIV" target="_blank">"judge not or you too will be judged"</a>. There is also the origins of <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%208:1-11&version=NIV" target="_blank">"casting the first stone"</a>.<br><br>
I'd link up to one of those as a comment on her status.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>tinybutterfly</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15409349"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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I'd probably hide her status updates and drink my beer in private when she isn't around. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
( You know if it's beer drinkers who are the scum of the earth.)</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/biglaugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="laugh">
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Not Christian at all <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
The big awful, scum of the earth thing is consuming animal products. (I told ya that most people do it!)<br><br>
I wanted to see what people would say before being biased by what the problem really is, kwim?
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>DevaMajka</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15410775"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Not Christian at all <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
The big awful, scum of the earth thing is consuming animal products. (I told ya that most people do it!)<br><br>
I wanted to see what people would say before being biased by what the problem really is, kwim?</div>
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Well she is in deep do-do since that would be a larger percentage of her FB friends as well as IRL friends. I have 2 vegan friends and another BIL who is vegan. I have never heard one word about what we eat. Maybe because they are too busy consuming what I make for them, since I think its fun to make a vegan meal! But it sounds like she is really just one sided only with what she thinks is right. If she has problems with meat eaters, she must have other issues like this as well with people.
 

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Sometimes it seems like people who are really pushy about something and talk about it often are really just trying to convince themselves of what they are saying. I'm not trying to say she doesn't believe in what she's saying, it just seems like the issue is with herself and not anyone else. Its too bad it has to be so negative, though!<br>
I've found that people with really strong opinions who are completely comfortable with themselves and what they believe are much more able to get along with others and respect alternative view points.<br>
Anyways, just another perspective. I don't know if that helps at all.<br><br>
btw, i've never posted in this 'commune' before! I didn't know that it came with the digital deal thing....
 

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I agree with Wearer_anon. She also may be trying to compensate for the years when she *wasn't* vegetarian--as if shouting loudly from the rooftops will excuse behavior she now thinks is immoral.
 

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So this means you shouldn't sign her up for the bacon of the month club for christmas, huh? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
I agree with abimommy's idea, but also because someone disagrees with you politicially, it doesn't give them carte blanche to be disrepectful and call names.
 
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