[Soul-O]

So here's the latest BS from my "lovely" ex

: ....

He's known for almost two weeks that I will start school this coming Tuesday and that my classes will meet from 6pm - 10pm every Tuesday with a few short breaks. His visitation on Tuesdays runs from 11am - 7pm, so obviously there is a problem as I am the pickup transportation at 7pm. We finally had a conversation yesterday about the change in Tuesday's schedule. I asked if he'd be willing to reverse transportation (i.e. I drop off in the a.m., he drops off in the p.m.) and deliver the children to my sitter, who will be waiting for them at my apartment. He said he would not because he'd be late for his cycling class at the gym, which meets at 7:30pm. Keep in mind that mode of transportation is not anywhere in our court order - it is per agreeement. Instead, he wants me to leave the kids with him until my class ends, then drive across the county (a 40 minute drive from the college) to pick up the children at 10:40pm. How he plans to watch them and attend his stupid cycling class at the same time is beyond me

. So, I got my mom to pick the kids up instead, so there would be no change in the schedule. Now he's saying he won't release the kids to my mom without a court order, and he wants to have a background check done on my sitter to see if she is "qualified" before he releases the children to her. All this from a man who nearly killed his own son (which is why I finally left him) and can't be bothered to pay his support on time, pay for 1/2 of my child care bills (which puts him in contempt of court - attorneys have been notified), or buy even one item of clothing for his own kids. My attorney will be phoning his attorney on Monday to get everything straightened out. I know stbx is just throwing up whatever roadblocks he can to keep me out of school, because I'm not allowed to succeed (even though I supported him while he racked up $30,000 in student loan debt completing an MBA he still hasn't used

). I'm angry, hurt, disappointed and really just full of pity for this pathetic excuse of a man. I guess I've finally come to the realization that he'll never change, and he'll always want me to fail. It's a hard truth, but somehow freeing.

 

[FreeBird]

Hmmm, sounds like my stbx's evil twin; thoroughly trained in the art of sabatoge

: !

He has refused to give me a copy of our tax return so I can file my financial aid, because he is going to go to school, too. Yeah, we'll see if that happens. Now, I have to drive about 45 minutes to the tax office and pay for a duplicate copy. Not an easy task when my bank account has less than $5 in it.

I hope that your lawyer can get it all straight for you. Keep running down those road blocks so he can eat your dust!

 

[mocha09]

Well, if the transportation hasn't been worked out, could you document that he is refusing to pick them up in the morning, and just have them stay home with you?

What a moron!

 

[brusselsprout]

Free Bird, you can get a transcript of your tax return for free. My financial aid advisor gave me a toll free phone number to call and get it. It came to my house in less than 5 days (yup, x did the exact same thing to me, ugh) If you can't get that # from your advisor I will try to look and see if I still have it on my desk somewhere.

Soul-O, I would be SO tempted in your situation to say "Fine, all transportation is your resposibility now." I am pretty sure my x is solely responsible for all transportation for visitation.

 

[StephandOwen]

First- UGH! That so ticks me off. Here you are trying to do something with your life (not that you haven't already- don't get me wrong!) and some idiot is trying to get in your way. Grrrrr.

Q on the child support.... I hear about all these guys who aren't paying it or are paying it late- why doesn't the court just take it out of his paycheck?

: When x and I went to court 3 weeks ago I was told this is what was going to happen and that they do that for everyone in our county (my dad included since he still pays child support for 1 kid). Give me a little room here too since I'm *new* to all this and haven't even gotten any child support yet (THANK YOU COURTS

) so he hasn't had a chance to screw up. Give it time.

"I am pretty sure my x is solely responsible for all transportation for visitation."

Same with us. X is responsible for all transportation.

One more question and I hope I don't sound too dumb..... but can someone tell me what Stbx stands for?

:

 

[FreeBird]

StephandOwen, STBX=Soon to be ex. My kiddos don't get support, because their father does not work, so no paycheck to garnish. He just started getting Disability and I have an appointment Thursday to see if my kiddos will get something from that. It's one crazy ride that's for sure.

Brusselsprout, thanks for the heads up! I will look into it tomorrow.

 

[StephandOwen]

Thanks Michelle! Now I understand

 

[magnoliablue]

He cannot demand a court order stating your mom is allowed to transport/pick up. When it is your time, YOU choose who you can have act as a third party on your behalf. All you need to do is write a letter stating that in your absence your mom(or any one else you choose) shall act on your behalf in the event you are detained . Get it notarized and attach it to any paperwork that shows your visitation schedule/parenting plan. He has no right to demand anything, and cannot force you to get a background check on your sitter. My ex tried every single one of those things and the judge told him basically to stop being a control freak and let go...that if my judgment is not good enough in choosing who I have around my children, it is a little too late for my ex to question it.

It is all about control, ladies..and they can only have it if you let them..don't.

 

[ian'smommaya]

my x didnt activily try to stop me from being in school (mostly anyway), he *just* made fun of me for it. i can sympathize though. what a jerk.

 

[Soul-O]

Thanks for the support, mamas.

Here's an update on my first night of school.

School itself is fantastic. There are only 6 students currently in my module, but we will probably be blended with another group in a different location at some point. The other students and the instructor are very interesting - lots of great conversation, and I enjoyed hearing about the journeys we've all taken to come to the decision to become educators. After getting a better idea of the time involved with this program (approx. 12 hrs/week between class, study groups, and homework) along with my work schedule, I'm thinking I will be better off trying to reduce my hours and adjust my schedule. I'm already burning the candle at both ends, so to speak, so I need to find a middle ground somewhere.

Here's the nasty part...

STBX was absolutely livid when my mom and dad showed up at his apartment to pick up the kids. He created a scene because my dad called him when they got to the parking lot to let stbx know that they were ready to take the kids. He told my dad he was not authorized to call him at home and shouldn't have his number, then told Ethan that I was a liar because I didn't tell stbx ahead of time that both of my parents were coming to get the kids. He then basically shoved the kids over to my mom and went back into his apartment. Of course, after all, both children were very upset. We're hoping to try something else next week - perhaps having the sitter pick them up instead. I just don't want my mom & dad to have to deal with stbx's antics. What a jerk!

 

[StephandOwen]

Grrrr.... and I suppose he always claims to have the kids best interest in mind too? I hate that this is how it is for so many hard working mamas.

Good luck figuring out how to work with the jerk.