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Step Mom Needs Help New here

1235 Views 2 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  cajunmom
Hello Everyone,

I am new here and need help you could say..
I have been over the internet looking for help and so I came to this place, I hope you can help me..
I am a step mother, but have 2 kids of my own also.
My story goes like this, I am from Holland and married a GI there, had 2 kids from him, but due to him not stopping to drink or even drugs I left him. It wasn't easy for me then, living in a country far away from family and two kids, but I did my best. I then found out that my kids have ADHD so that added on to my struggles. As time went on and trying to raise the kids( which I couldn't place in day care b/c of their AHDH) I took the abuse of their dad. I then moved so I he couldn't abuse me any more, but he found me and so it went on. Yes you say, why didn't I move back to Holland, b/c I didn't have the money to go. Any way, as time went on, I was going to move to another state, I just couldn't take it any more. But I got involved with another man who he himself has 3 kids.
I went up to visit him and his kids, but I couldn't take mine along at the time and I was very honest with him and told him the truth about my kids so that he could understand what I had to offer. But we cant go back to the IFs now..
So as time went, I made the decision to move in with him. His 1st wife died in a car accident due to drugs and his kids were still very young, same age as mine only the oldest of his wasn't, by 3 years.
Anyway, he was building a log home at the time and so 2 adults and 5 kids in a trailer wasn't my idea of living at the time. But he was only half way done with the house too. I was right along side him building the house, raising the kids, cooking, cleaning well being a Mom you could say.
I tell ya, I was beat every night and was hoping for a ending on all of it.
Then his parents came up and I saw the 1st moment that she didn't like me. She liked his 1st wife. the 2nd year they came up she really did it on me, and asked me if I knew where his 1st wife was buried and then only giving attention to his 3 and my kids told me that there feeling where hurt b/c of it. In other words it was hell that 2nd year, even though I had told him about it all..
Anyway, the 3rd year his mother pasted away and so I did everything that a daughter would do for her mother, her own daughter didn't care yet alone show up. All she wanted was money. I supported b/f and didn't even get a pat on the back let alone a thank you. Then the next year his father past away..So again I was there, sent him ahead by plane and I drove with 5 kids all the way to CA. It was hell.
Anyway, I did what I could, and tried to be there for him and his kids. But ever since his mother talked to his kids things changed in our home. His kids started to not listen to me and he wouldn't back me up when it was needed. But I thought I was being a bad parent at times. We got married and even that turn into a disaster due to his kids. But stupid me, I felt sad for his kids. We had our share of fights, but one thing I could never get over was the disrespect that his kids gave, mostly his 2 daughters. They would try to get me into trouble with CPS. Anyway, they would cuss at me and he wouldn't do anything to correct them. I thought that I really made a wrong move by marrying him. I felt more like I was his babysitter, maid, to have only sex with. So I stood up for myself. the oldest moved to his sister 1st, and was really hoping she would help us out, but instead I got the opposite. And his 2nd daughter started acting up and doing the same. Shoot she would even hit me and so I would hit back to defend myself b/c DH would back me up and correct her. Well she too moved to his sisters. He blames me for their moves to CA. Now I thought I could send more with my own kids since I had to give more attention to the other two. But that was not to be true, his son started.
But what is going on is that his son tells my 2 kids that I am a b*tch and that I am on drugs and cusses so bad in front of them. I have confronted my DH this, but he wont do anything to correct him, but when it comes to mine, boy he is right in their face.
Like one day, my son got angry at his sister and was cussing at her, so HD came in with a bar of soap and stuck it in his mouth. Boy I went off the bat on that one, I see no cause of doing that. But now things have been building up and yes we have seen councilors, even seeing one now. But last Sunday was having a family meeting , just DH, me and his son. I hadn't talked yet, and DH was telling him that he needs to do his share around here just as much as the others do. Then I wanted to say something, and I got this from his son " Shut the F+++ up" I was shocked to have heard that. All that DH did was tapped his face and said" hey you don't say that to her, she is my wife" ( he said that in a very low voice too). Well I was ticked off by then and told him that I wanted a apology. Well he said I could wait along time for that. So I told him that I would give him till Monday or he would lose his drivers license for a month. DH didn't say a word or even backed me up on it.
Well its been 4 days now and all this kids does is does what he wants, comes and goes as he wants, he is the king of the hill here. I told DH that I wanted a family meeting and that I don't understand why he doesn't back me up on this. Well his son has been home today and I am to blame for everything, even for just telling my feeling to my DH and so the kid is winning this battle that I have been up against for the last 12 years.
Tell me if I am wrong???
If a parent doesn't correct his/her child and lets a child cuss at a another adult, does this not mean that the kids parents isn't teaching the kid to respect.
I know there is more to this story, I could write a book as many other step moms could. But is a divorce in order for all this and to give up everything I have worked so hard for, to give it up and end up with nothing. I haven't worked out side the home in 16 years. What am I to do now???
I want this to stop, I am even struggling with my own daughter thanks to his kids.
I want Love, Peace,Respect and a home..I am sick of being treated like dirt.. and most sick of being a mother to a man who thinks he is a leader..sheehs..Help me I am lonely..
His oldest daughter is e-mailing me now b/c she had problems with his sister. My feelings are now like, go away , I don't want you no more, but then the mothers side comes out and responds any way..
I have had 4 major nervous break downs, been in the hospital many times due to stress and break downs in all those years..
Help tell me what I should do now.

Ma Kettle
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I wish I had some advice for you. I am just up too late reading the forums and came across your post. I hope you find a good solution.
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I was raised by a single mother who was abused several times by a few different men. I've also been the child in the situation with step-brothers/sisters (my mom has married a few times) where the parent lets the child run rampant. And from that point of view my adivce would be to get out. I know that what I say is no small thing you have built some semblance of a life where you are, but in my opinion the people really suffering here are the children. I have seen my mom leave a man and start a new life quite a few times and it will be hard. But here are programs that could help you. I am not familiar with the area in which you live so I can't say specifically what and where but with a little research you could start your own life where you can be happy with your children. I wish you the best of luck and you will be in my prayers
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