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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Such a touchy selfish thing to be upset about. Being a Stepmom you aren't supposed to complain about the time and money spent on your husbands child. I have had serious fiery backlash for less. I am blessed with a great husband who is a good father, definitely a plus, but sometimes it is so hard.

I think most stepmoms go through the generous-then-resentful phase. When my husbands car broke down he started driving my second car. When that broke down he drove my personal car to drive 6 hours round trip to go get his son. Put thousands of miles on it over time and now its on its last leg...anything for SS.

My husband lost his job. I had my check deposited to our joint account and HALF was taken by the state for back child support. I had to get high interest loans to pay bills...anything for SS.

While my husband was finding a job I struggled to pay our bills by myself. I was so relieved when he got a job only for him to get a garnishment letter saying half his paycheck will be taken out plus insurance so he will probably only be able to cover his own gas to go to work and to get his son, maybe a few groceries. but I'm still struggling to pay bills...anything for SS

there's so much more but I wont even get to the time thing. The law says it is not the step-parents obligation to support a spouses child. Well there's loopholes in everything I guess. When the courts demand he pays half his earnings to his ex plus insurance. He cant support himself, so I end up supporting him so he can support his child in the manner the court sees fit. So it still affects me.

Basically to be married to him I have to support his child indirectly and give up on affording children of my own. I waited to have kids until I was married, never been on welfare, always worked=no support. Had I just nonchalantly
not worried about pregnancy and had a kid whenever=tax break, medical, food, housing, child support. I think that's the part that really bothers me.
 

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Hi there.

Your post raises a lot of red flags. First off, legally, they can NOT garnish your wages. I don't care what state you are in. The state can try to get away with it, but if you are a step parent, then you are entitled to all of your money. Contact an attorney and get that fixed. Alternatively, open a separate bank account only in your name. Have all your money funneled there. That should fix this.

Second, it sounds like you need to draw some boundaries for yourself. Yes, you are married, but the amount you are sacrificing is absurd at this point. I am a stepmom, so I get the idea of how this balance can be difficult.

It is not your job to get him to his kids' visitation. It's his. It is not your job to pay his child support. If you don't want him to drive your car, then tell him things need to change.

When was the last time your husband got a support adjustment, or reviewing the parenting plan? It sounds to my like he might be due for some changes to his legal standing. The current situation seems a bit unbalanced.

Yes, I have had to sacrifice for my husband and kids. But I CHOSE to. My husband never just assumed I would. If he had, I might feel like you. And if I had ever seen my check garnished, I would have immediately financially cut ties.

All that being said, why is your husband so badly behind in child support? And has he tried to talk to his support enforcement agent? In my state at least, calling your agent and discussing the situation can often allow for some breathing room.
 

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I had that garnishment thing happen to me too. It was legal bc if was his account. Ugh. He really needs to apply for a reassessment of his support. He might be paying more than he should. It's supposed to be based on income.
 

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Sounds like your husband isn't very dependable or responsible, possibly why he was divorced? Don't put your wages into any bank account with his name, and he needs to possibly get a second job so he can support his child if he is in arrears that badly.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Yes I Did all these things. I had my own account I just put it in the joint that one time so we could both have access to the money but now I only use my bank. They started garnishing his paychecks now so it won't come out of the bank anyway. He got his own car, I told him we cant use mine anymore its agreed. He did have his support reassessed at the three year period and it was lowered...They sent a certified to an old address and THE POST OFFICE did not forward they sent it back so we had to get a lawyer.

He is just getting regular things done, they were never married, I guess they thought they could work something out without court in the beginning...but then she got on assistance so they automatically file CS. which Is fine, anyway, hes just getting a CS adjustment, getting scheduled visitation, joint legal...and she has cut off all contact.

DH was calling twice a week and driving 3 hrs one way to go get SS. One week she said no, and the past three weeks he hasn't talked to his son. I feel so bad for him. He's really depressed about it and really doesn't have confidence in the legal system. He keeps saying how she has all the power, she holds all the cards, she dangles SS in front of him to get her way. WTF did I get myself into lol. jk really though. I love my husband I hope our lawyer can help us.

I can't believe she has the nerve to get mad because he wants rights. She's even said stuff like..."well we had plans but I was NICE enough to LET him see you" and " I don't know when Ill LET you see MY son"

OMFG this is soooooooooo messed up. and the poor kid hes so sweet.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Oh and also DH was behind because he was making twice as much money in MT when ex took son to MO and filed CS. of course he moved to be closer to son, took a paycut and CS cant be adjusted for 3 YEARS. he kept it up pretty good though. the agents were AWFUL. treated him like a piece of crap.

So from the beginning this was a messed up deal. It is getting better though, I really hope the lawyer thing works out, Hes not asking for anything unreasonable. Has a stable job now and a good car. I'm about to get another car. Now if he could get some visitation and god forbid maybe she meets us once in awhile things will be a lot better.
Thank you for the feedback
 
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