There are so many things I want to say and so much swirling around in my head that I am confused....I am sorry if this doesn't all make sense but I need to vent....
About 3 months ago my husbands children came to live with our family. They are 17 and 19 and we have a 3 year and 1 year old as well.
At first things were panning out ok. We gave them a huge amount of freedom and treated them like adults. I soon realised that this was and would only lead to abuse of trust and inevitable teenage problems.
I tried to tell him that we needed rules to follow before they arrived but he wanted to give them the chance to behave like adults and be responsible.
So, here we are 3 months later....my work load in the house has trebled. They are barely able to do the dishes, they sleep until mid afternoon every day and then get up and make breakfast and leave the dishes for later...and all the crumbs and mess. In the meantime, I am chasing 2 toddlers around and washing and cooking and cleaning as well as finding time to take the kiddos t the park or entertain them in some fashion. I am tearing my hair out.
I am just worried that these 2 kids who are supposed to be adults are going to stay and sap us for the rest of their lives....1 is starting a job tomorrow, after much prompting and pushing and nagging....it has been 3 months and they have made no contributions to the house of any kind. I think SD has cooked twice and then managed to aviod doing anything else that has been asked of her. She has baby sat but we have to pay her....money that is then spent on ciggeretes and going out and meeting boys... I know that she is sexually active adn has been for sometime....that worries me, only because I remember being 17 and if she is doing half of what I got up to your toes would curl...The big bad city is a worry. Also, we know that she is dishonest, she was supposed to come home at 1am the other night and a friend saw her out until 3am...she still told us she was home on time....(we are so tired from all the extra work, we don't hear a thing at night, except the baby crying)
Then there is SD, who barely leaves the house, let alone the bedroom. He has in the past suffered from Mental illness. There is a lot of history relating to that. Having now lived with him, I wonder how much of it is contrived and convenient to not wanting to get a job or a life and just being lazy. It worries me that he has no life skills...little things like, when he does the dishes, he does the saucepans ect first and then the glasses...I thought everyone knew that you wash the clean things first and then the soiled ones.....bad assumption.
In all of this, the hardest thing is that their Dad is really pandering to them, this is the first time they have 'lived' with him since he left their Mum. He feels so guilty about leaving all those years ago. He is trying so hard to make up for his mistakes and in so many ways he is just making more. It is too late to go back and change the things that are done...
I want to have a family conference and make rules that everyone has to live with....there should be punishments, grounding no tv...if they are going to behave badly then why should we let them get away with it...this is our home and they are running riot......ahhhhhahhahahahhahah
ahahhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Help from other parents and step parents please.......
About 3 months ago my husbands children came to live with our family. They are 17 and 19 and we have a 3 year and 1 year old as well.
At first things were panning out ok. We gave them a huge amount of freedom and treated them like adults. I soon realised that this was and would only lead to abuse of trust and inevitable teenage problems.
I tried to tell him that we needed rules to follow before they arrived but he wanted to give them the chance to behave like adults and be responsible.
So, here we are 3 months later....my work load in the house has trebled. They are barely able to do the dishes, they sleep until mid afternoon every day and then get up and make breakfast and leave the dishes for later...and all the crumbs and mess. In the meantime, I am chasing 2 toddlers around and washing and cooking and cleaning as well as finding time to take the kiddos t the park or entertain them in some fashion. I am tearing my hair out.
I am just worried that these 2 kids who are supposed to be adults are going to stay and sap us for the rest of their lives....1 is starting a job tomorrow, after much prompting and pushing and nagging....it has been 3 months and they have made no contributions to the house of any kind. I think SD has cooked twice and then managed to aviod doing anything else that has been asked of her. She has baby sat but we have to pay her....money that is then spent on ciggeretes and going out and meeting boys... I know that she is sexually active adn has been for sometime....that worries me, only because I remember being 17 and if she is doing half of what I got up to your toes would curl...The big bad city is a worry. Also, we know that she is dishonest, she was supposed to come home at 1am the other night and a friend saw her out until 3am...she still told us she was home on time....(we are so tired from all the extra work, we don't hear a thing at night, except the baby crying)
Then there is SD, who barely leaves the house, let alone the bedroom. He has in the past suffered from Mental illness. There is a lot of history relating to that. Having now lived with him, I wonder how much of it is contrived and convenient to not wanting to get a job or a life and just being lazy. It worries me that he has no life skills...little things like, when he does the dishes, he does the saucepans ect first and then the glasses...I thought everyone knew that you wash the clean things first and then the soiled ones.....bad assumption.
In all of this, the hardest thing is that their Dad is really pandering to them, this is the first time they have 'lived' with him since he left their Mum. He feels so guilty about leaving all those years ago. He is trying so hard to make up for his mistakes and in so many ways he is just making more. It is too late to go back and change the things that are done...
I want to have a family conference and make rules that everyone has to live with....there should be punishments, grounding no tv...if they are going to behave badly then why should we let them get away with it...this is our home and they are running riot......ahhhhhahhahahahhahah
ahahhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Help from other parents and step parents please.......