Mothering Forum banner

1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,714 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I'm having a little pity party for myself today, care to join me? I'm feeling down regarding my family's total lack of involvement with my sons. DS1 turned 6 last week, he had a wonderful birthday, it was the first time he really understood what a birthday is and got excited about it. The four of us had a wonderful day together. But not one of my family members called that day, not even my parents. I have a huge extended family, and none of them wanted to share our joy. DS2 is three months old now, and the only person from my family who has visited us was my oldest brother, who stopped by for a half hour on his way between the airport and a business meeting in another city (he lives in another state). I feel there's not much I can do if my family chooses not to respond to a birth announcement, calls or e-mails. I can't force them to love or care about my children. I'm having my boys baptized next month, and I'm asking virtual strangers at my parish to be godparents because I have no one else to ask.<br><br>
I can't believe I'm still grieving about the death of my family relationships. DS1's autistic behavior started at birth, and that's when these relationships disappeared from my life...my parents and siblings had been very supportive and excited during my first pregnancy, then when I started describing problems, they were gone. It's been six years.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,553 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I'm so sorry <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,566 Posts
That is absolutely terrible. I'm so so sorry they've done this to you and your family. I don't blame you for continuing to grieve this. I imagine this will always feel painful to you - how could it not? How horrible that they will miss out on knowing all of you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,529 Posts
Im so sorry<br>
maybe Ive missed the history on this but why would they do this?? that is just awful-<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> hugs to you
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
I'm sorry.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
466 Posts
Fay, Happy (belated) birthday to your precious son. Big, warm, loving hugs to you and your dear children. I don't understand how this can happen. Maybe you could ask your brother since he did try to come by that one time? Oddly enough, sometimes when people don't know what to do, they don't do anything <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: doesn't make sense. I hope you'll be able to ask someone in your family. Blessings to you all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,378 Posts
to your firstborn! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> My DH's family live nearby but we don't see them either. My parents used to live 4 miles away but then they moved and are now 10 hours away! My mom felt overwhelmed yet she never helped out!?!<br><br>
Sincerely,<br>
Debra, homeschooling mom of 4 ages 10 (AS), 9, 7, and 4 (HFA)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,186 Posts
First, I have to say how exciting that DS1 got excited about his birthday! What a milestone! What a victory!<br><br>
Second, your family unfortunately are who they are, and you cannot change their reactions. I am so so very sorry for them being such UAviolations. I will never understand such behavior.<br><br>
I will say this...blood means nothing when it comes to people in your life who are important and who love you and your dc. I understand the natural mourning that comes with the loss of the dream that was a close knit family, but you can make a new family. You can surround yourself and your children with people who care about them, blood relations be damned. Family are people who love you, who lift you up, who circle the wagons when things get tough for one of their own, not run away. You can make a great "family" of your own.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,714 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
Finch, I agree with you 100% about creating family, but how do I make friends when DS1 panics every time I try to socialize? And now my attention is consumed by colicky DS2, so there are even fewer opportunities to socialize. There are no old friends to fall back on...I left grad school and teaching to take care of DS1, and those bridges burned up long ago, and most of my college friends stopped sending us Christmas cards after we told them of DS1's dx.<br><br>
I do have one dear friend, the mom of DS1's best friend (also autistic), who stopped by on his birthday with a special gift. She has suffered from very poor health recently, probably stress-related, so we haven't been able to get together as often as we did a few months ago.<br><br>
How does this happen? Well, my family is full of highly intelligent, socially awkward people who get confused about expressing emotions (myself included)...plus a few bipolar and ADHD individuals for dramatic flair...it's no mystery where DS1's autism came from. I am also the little sister of a very large family, so it is often assumed that I am whining for attention and I am not taken seriously.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,186 Posts
Is there anyway you can try to form an autism playgroup? Talk to some of the other autism moms you see at various therapies, ask them. Talk to your ds's therapists.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,552 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shake.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shake"> I am so sorry for your family's UAviolation behavior.<br><br>
Happy bday to your son!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,358 Posts
Iam sorry hugs
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top