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Still in pain from "Doctor" induced tear...

763 Views 13 Replies 10 Participants Last post by  applejuice
Hi! I had my ds almost 6 months ago in the hospital without any pain meds. Unfortunately my dr. was "off" that weekend (wish he had told me that he takes weekends off every month and I never thought to ask...) and I had an evil dr. that was in his practice deliver my son. This "dr" ignored my birth plan and tried to make me take drugs the entire time while he was screaming at the nurses for various reasons... He was so mad that I had my baby Sunday morning I guess. Anyway, my birth was quite stressful since he was so horrible, but my wonderful ds was born so who cares in the long run. And I did not cave in!!! Anyway, I had discussed that I did not want to be cut to my "real" doctor and had a complete birth plan signed and dated. Well, the evil doctor decided that since I did not want to be cut, he would forceable tear me to get my ds out faster. He put his finger on me and ripped me all of the way to my anus... (I knew this because I asked "did you cut me" and he said no, but I tore you to help get him out...".).

When I think of this I get furious!
Anyway, I have scar tissue build-up and I still have a bit of discomfort when I first have sex... It goes away but this really infuriates me. I don't want to be reminded of that man every time I am with my husband! Do you guys have any suggestions on what I can do about this (the pain not the evil doctor)? I have heard I can try to massage the area to reduce the scar buildup. Do you guys have any tips???

So I have learned never have your ob be a doctor in a practice who takes weekends off! Next one is going to be a home birth for sure. I only wish I had been brave enough to do it. I had my Bradley classes but I was not able to relax since that doctor was so hateful. He did not even let my husband cut the cord and also took the baby and washed him up before giving him to me... I kept begging for my son and he ignored me... I wish I could sue him (not for money but to make sure he never delivers another baby), but I really don't have a "real" case and it is hard to sue someone for being evil. But I have sent many mean thoughts his way! And I have a perfect little boy so it all worked out!

Sorry this is so long.
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I think you have a case to sue him. Especially if anyone else heard him say he tore you. That is not medical procedure (sadly, you probably could NOT sue him if he cut you...) I'd talk to a lawyer.


I just wanted to tell you that I had a sort of similar experience - I delivered my dd without a tear but after delivery there were some complications and the OB was called. While attempting to hand deliver my placenta he tore me pretty badly. I understand your anger, and to me it almost was like it was PTSD because whenever I was made aware of the injury it brought back all those memories.

Time will help, I promise. At 6 months postpartum my scar was still very present and very tender. Now my daughter is 18 months old and it's not noticeable and there is no more pain. It took awhile, though. There was alot of healing that still had to be done at 6mo pp (and probably still now..).
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My husband and I wanted to sue him so badly, but it would not get rid of the scars or the painful memories... I hate that everyone seems to sue everyone this day for such stupid things (like the woman who dropped hot coffee on herself and sued McDonalds...). However, my problem is a real problem due to a bad mistake from a doctor who should not be delivering babies. But I really thought it would get better sooner. I just don't think anyone will take the case. My husband was there when the doctor told me that he tore me on purpose, but no one else heard it. And he was so mean when he said it. He said "I had to put my finger on the skin forceable and make it tear so your son could come out." Then he attacked me for not using meds and asked me why I had done it. No congrats on the baby or pat on the back for a job well done. I did not know what to say and my husband said "she did not want the baby to get meds". I then came to my senses and looked him in the eye and said "that is one reason, but it was kind of like running a marathon to me. When people run that many miles it hurts their bodies, but they are accomplishing something they want to do. Having a medication free birth was important to me not only to keep my baby unmedicated, but to prove to myself that I could do it." Why oh why is birth a medical procedure now and not a natural process.

This hospital will not let you photograph or video the births, and now I know why. My original doctor said that I could take still photos, but when I actually had the baby they said their policies had changed and they would not allow it. So I have no proof other than my husband that he inflected such pain on me. I keep telling myself I have to move on. And I pretty much have, but sometimes I still get so mad!

Attila the honey, thanks for your kind words! Maybe I am rushing it too much. When my doctor said it was unusual for women to still have pain 5.5 mo pp I felt horrible. Maybe this is something that a lot of women just don't talk about it.

But my ds was still so worth it all, no matter what happened!

So is there anything I can do to rush the healing process other than just let time heal old wounds?

And does anyone know of a great OB/GYN in the Houston area?
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Oh wow, you're in Houston no less. Would you PM me the name of the crazy Dr. so that I can warn people off of him?

Go for a homebirth next time! I did- and I wouldn't do it any other way. Had a WONDERFUL midwife too if you're interested.

hugs and wishing you healing thoughts.

Have you thought about getting a copy of your medical records from the hospital and also from the doc's office?

I'd check and see what he wrote about your birth. Who knows, maybe he was dumb enough to write that he "had" to tear you to get your son out.

I'd at least talk to a lawyer (probably two or three for more opinions) on what your options are considering the doc's mistreatment of you and your baby.

Hugs on your sore bum. I tore in two different directions and at thirteen months pp it still twinges every now and then. Have you tried increasing your intake of protein? I'm a super slow healer and the one thing that always helps me heal more quickly is to drink protein shakes. Worth a try.
I'm in the Houston area too and having a homebirth. I interviewed several midwives so let me know if you need a recommendation.

My sister used Dr. Hall for a couple of her births. He was pretty laid back and intervention free. She wanted drugs (demerol, but not epidural) but he didn't push them, and I don't think she had an epi. With her first, the baby stayed with her for at least a full hour before they even weighed or bathed her. I'm not sure if that was per the doc, or hospital policy though (West Houston).

Can you pm me the name of the dr. too so I can avoid him and let friends & familiy know to avoid him?
If you don't want to talk to a lawyer, what about talking to a journalist? Maybe if you tell your story publicly, other women will be warned to stay away from this? I might also write a formal letter to the practice, telling them that you felt violated during your birth. Considering how awful your experience with this doctor was, it sounds like you are handling it well--you are obviously one strong mama!
O.M.G. -- what an [email protected]@hole! Mama, I am so sorry you had that sOB for a doctor!
Amber, I scrounged up an old thread from when I asked about my scar. There was some great advice in it, so I thought maybe it might help you out.
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I can't believe how bad this was I can't believe what happened to you. episiotomy is america's form of genital mutilation. I was looking for info to give to a 17 yo first time mom who was told by her md that he will have to cut her because at her age her vagina isn't developed enough

Originally Posted by magentamomma
I was looking for info to give to a 17 yo first time mom who was told by her md that he will have to cut her because at her age her vagina isn't developed enough
What a load of horse manure!

I am sorry that doctor did that to you, but I do not think you will get anywhere with a law suit. I think you should file a complaint with the state board that regulates doctors in your state; they will not do anything, but no one wants a complaint in his file.

If you want, you can go to a plastic surgeon within a year and ask his advice...and ask if he thinks you can sue...

Tearing and episiotomies are considered the standard of care in American Obstetrics.
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Are you sure about that, applejuice? I imagine it would be hard to get anywhere in the legal system re: an epis. (in spite of medical evidence against it, and a clear denial of consent) but I don't think manual tearing is acceptable (I mean from a mainstream standpoint). I think she might have a case.
I hope she has a case, but most "expert witnesses" will get up there and say that it is the standard of care and she has no grounds, but I hope she can find someone who will give her a good examination and tell her she can and back her up...
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